A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really like this guy i meet a few months ago and he liked me , so we slept together after a few weeks anyway , after that he told me he just wants to be mates who pleasure each other , which i agreed to at first but now i really fallen for him and starting to like him more then friends.We are still seeing each other and whenever we do we end up in bed together and it feels good but the only thing is i know hes seeing other women , if i mention i like him more then friends i know he would say he's not ready for it. Should i stop seeing him and wait for mr right or should i continue to see him and wait? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Hey anon female...I have been there and done that so I know exactly how you feel right now and like many other women who have, I got hurt. And that very pain drove me to find Dear Cupid for some advice. I've been here ever since. :) Unfortunately it is more than likely that he will hurt you too and not want more than sex from you. Like the other aunts say, once you give a guy sex with no strings he will never see you as girlfriend material. Sad but true. You need to stop having sex with him now and find a guy who really appreciates you and who can give you what you really want - a relationship. You deserve better than to be some guy's sex buddy.
Please in future never give a guy permision to take advantage of you, never be a guy's sex buddy because being a woman, you will develop feelings for him and he won't feel the same way because for some guys sex is just sex and doesn't involve emotions.
And do you what makes this whole situation worse? He's having sex with other women! Come on, please stop seeing him. You deserve SO much better, don't invest your emotions in a guy who won't give back to you in return. It will all go to waste and you can't afford that.
And if it would help you maybe you should search this site for similar questions and read the advice those other women got. You'll probably find mine there too. So you're not alone in this many women have been in your situation and if you follow the advice here you will get through it. xxx
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Your story reads like every 'friends with benefits' story going. One person (usualy but not always the girl) falls for the other, and people get hurt. Your mistake was to agree to sleep with this guy not on terms that were acceptable to you. Once you have done this, he gets what he wants whilst you don't get what you want, and there is no going back. Why would he give you more now?
What is more, since he now knows you are a girl that will have casual sex, not with a 'real boyfriend', he is very unlikely to see you as girlfriend material. Men unfortunately have two boxes we put women in: 'sex only' and 'girlfriend potential'. The problem is, once you are in the 'sex only' box, then it is almost impossible to move into the 'girlfriend potential' box. This is because men have different standards for these two boxes, and to be in one automatically disqualifies you from the other. Essentially that if you are willing to be 'sex only' then you're not worthy of 'girfriend potential', you've disqualified yourself by being willing to have sex without a relationship. It's very messed up, certainly not a good thing, but it happens and it's good to understand it so you can avoid its traps.
Eve gives good advice. You need to stop sleeping with him straight away. Then, if he really cares about you he will make the effort. Don't sleep with him until it is on your terms. Insist on this, do not falter. If he can't give you that, then don't have sex with him again.
You have to stay firm and stick to this being on your terms. It's the only way you have a chance of getting what you want. Do be emotionally prepared for him not to stay seeing you, it is quite possible this is how he will react.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 It doesn't sound like you should waste your time waiting for him to come around.
I have seen this type before and they usually don't want a relationship of any consequence because they like "playing the part of the playboy".
Something you should also consider is your own safety.
I mean to say if he sleeps with two other women as an example, then you are sleeping not only with him but those two women as well. and if each of those have slept with two...Well just do the math. It multiplies exponentially and increases the danger to you of picking up any number of sexually transmitted diseases by that many. Scary thought isn't it. Go do the right thing. Doc.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 February 2007):
 That's the problem when you sleep with someone saying there are no strings attached, emotions kick in and one starts to like the other as more than just friends. He's already told you he doesn't want anything serious and you know he's seeing other women. I would call it a day with him and let him know you can't do this any more. Only THEN will he know whether or not he felt more for you than just "shagging buddies."
If you continue seeing him the way things are you know you're only going to get more involved which in turn means more hurt and confused. My advice to you is to end it with him as soon as you can. You never know, he might just miss you more than you could ever imagine. ;o)
Eve
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