A
male
age
41-50,
*hatToDo-X
writes:I'm 25 and I was single for a few months. And lately I've been watching a lot of porn. I was only masturbating with porn. At least 1 time each day, for a long time. Now I've meet this incredibly attractive women, and we are starting a relationship.But I can't get it up anymore!!!!!! I just can't!! I've stoped the porn for almost 1 week and I can't even get it up (with her OR without her) I just have no more libido at all. I'm just not exited at all with I guest "regular real sex".We did not (yet) tryed to have sex but we fooled around a lot and I didn't even get horny at all. Don't have to say that It didn't got hard too.I had a girlfriend for 4 years and never had such problem (i wasn't looking at porn very much though)Now I'm so afraid to tell her I can't get it up!! And how can I get my libido back??? I realy find her attractive and want to have sex with her sooooo bad.Pleaaaaaaaaaaase I need helpppppp soo much!!!!What can I do to get my libido, and in the same time my erections, back??(I've stoped to watch that damn porn for good don't worry!!!)God I'm so ambarassed, and don't want to loose her.Thank you very much for your help!!
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male
reader, WhatToDo-X +, writes (6 February 2007):
WhatToDo-X is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Guys!
Again, and for the last time, thank you all sooooo very very much!!
Thanks for you good advice too anonymus male. I do think too that the problem was mainly anxiety for sure. But still I think that porn has a lot to do with it, because when I was alone with myselft, I couldn't get it up either. When I think about it, the more I was watching porn, the less I was having erections, but I never noticed it, until I stoped and met this girl.
I'm not overweight, I do regular exercice and I'm in good shape. But still, like I told before, I have a nervous problem. This wasn't helping me at all, but I always had this nervous problem and never had erectile problems, even with new womens. I'm pretty sure porn has to do with this. Nothing was turning me on anymore, even in situations where I was no nervous at all. And the more I was watching porn, the more I was loosing sex drive. The more time I spent without porn though, the more I feel like I'm coming back to normal.
Last night my girlfriend came over my place. We had a romantic diner, I was relaxed (well as relax has I could in this situation) and I was ready to told her my problem, and I did. She was realy cool with it, but still I was embaressed. So the evening was goin' by, and it went getting more and more erotic. We where getting pretty hot. We made out a lot, not just kissing, and still I had no erection, but I knew that it wasn't goin for the penetration, and I already told her my problem. And you won't guess what. When we ended up pretty much naked side by side and the end of the evenin, I got my erection. And not just a tiny one, a usual one.
Normaly I would have it one long time before that, but it is still a pretty good improvement. I can't get it up like I always did in erotic time, but I'm pretty confident that I will resolve itselft in just a question of time.
I did the right thing to tell her, I think it helped me. I now hoping for the best, but with confidence.
Thanks again every one!
You were all very helpful to me!
It was nice meeting you all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): The first thing to say is that porn does not cause the problems you are having. Everyone reacts differently. Some people find porn stimulates their sex drive, others don't. Logically, since you have tried giving up porn and it did not help, we can say that this is at least not the only issue. So what we need to look for is some other reaction within you.
If you are obese or unfit, then this can cause real problems, which can be worked around but not ignored. However since you are 22 we'll assume reasonable weight and good health. In this case the cause of your dysfunction is almost certainly anxiety. This has probably been compounded by you blaming the dysfunction on the porn.
Having real sexual anxiety, sufficient to block erections, is quite normal and many men suffer from it though almost none admit it. You are going out with a new girl who is you say yourself very beautiful and unfortunately this brings with it the pressure to "perform well" in bed. That allied to the guilt feelings your question reveals you have about your use of porn is enough to cause real problems.
The cure is less simple. The first thing to do is to associate in your own mind your girlfriend with feelings of arousal, and not feelings of anxiety. That probably means a lot of chilling and careful navigation of the area. Probably a lot of romance, nice dinner, sexy (not porn) movie, doing things together. Try a nice bootle of wine--not enough to knock you out, enough to relax you. Relaxation is the key to good sex, even the wild stuff.
Sex is not supposed to be a challenge but unfortunately you seem to have fallen into the common trap of making it into one. Every man and probably every woman makes this mistake at some time in their lives. You have to be patient. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, WhatToDo-X +, writes (4 February 2007):
WhatToDo-X is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone again,
Thanks again so much for replying to me.
For the Cialis and Herbal Viagra, the problem is that I can't get it from my doctor, he told me I should just wait and see if it comes back. If it doesn't, I guess I'll have to try that, if I'm still with my girlfriend at that point!
I could get on the internet, but like you said you never know what's in that and it take 6 business day to be shipped.
I think Yos might be right. I never had such a problem before. It's almost been a week since I've completely stoped the porn and masturbation. I can't have an erection yet, but I guess at that point it just can get better.
For those young man who read this, belive me, I tough too that the porn was okay, just fun to watch, nothing bad with it. You have no idea how I would like now to turn back time and never watch this stuff. Don't do the same time as I did.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 February 2007):
 A week isn't very long. Just stay off the porn and in due time the pornographic images in your memory will fade more and more and your sexual response should get back to 'normal'. The more blurry and faded the porn in your head becomes, the less it will effect you.
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A
female
reader, dolce  +, writes (4 February 2007):
 hi
i know its a bit embarrasing but there is always a solution, if u want fast effects then try herbal viagra, from the net, my friend takes it, really good!! or just exercise everyday, that will keep energy levels up, and stamina. the more u exercise the hornier u get.:}
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): Get some Cialis from your doc or the web (dangerous) and pop one 1 hr before she gets over. After a couple of times you won't need it anymore because you'll have rewired your brain for what it's going to get..... seriously give it a try. You prob only need 5mg, a very small amount (they usually come in 20mg or 10mg tabs). Don't buy the generic stuff from the web you have no idea what's in it!!!!
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A
male
reader, WhatToDo-X +, writes (4 February 2007):
WhatToDo-X is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol
Hi melissa!
Thanks for the strap advice :P
I'm not that emberassed to go see a doctor. I already checked that with my doctor, and he thinks it's nothing physical.
I'm emberassed to tell her. I think at that point I have no choice but to do so. She's comming tomorow night at my place, and belive me, there's no way I can make her wait more. If I do so she will just literaly explode.
I'll let you know how embarrassing and awful tomorow night will be.
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A
female
reader, mellissa333 +, writes (3 February 2007):
 use a strap on....? lol just kidding.
but seriously, i think you should go to
a doctor, and tell them what the problem
is, and if your really that emberassed,
then go to a doctor you dont know.
In the mean time just build her up slowly
as you figure out your problem, and keep
her wanting more... then hopefully,
by the time u figure it out it will be
up! up! and away! lol
mellissa
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A
male
reader, WhatToDo-X +, writes (3 February 2007):
WhatToDo-X is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst I want to thank you all ladies for helping me out so quickly.
I just called my doctor on the phoned and talked about my problem. We just talked (no physical test what so ever) and he told me that it doesn't seem like a physical problem. I don't have any health problem other the a nervous problem. I shake a lot and tend to get nervous easely. I know this doesn't help me to acheive an erection. But I've always been like this and I never had any sexual problem, ever. I always had a great sex life. The porn messed me up like I never thought it could.
I read all your advise, and you tell me to talk to my girlfriend, try to go slowly with things. This is exactly what I wanna do, but on the other hand the problem is that she just can't wait to have sex with me!
Each time we make out she wants to go further and I tell her that I want to take my time. I'm starting to have the feeling that she might get pissed off pretty soon. I didn't ever told her about my problem. That's my biggest fear. I know I shouldn't but I feel so embaressed and powerless. We just started our relationship and we are still pretty shy with each other. I mean we don't know each other that much. I know it's gonna disapoint her big time.
I know next time I'll see her (tomorow night) she will want to go for it, and I'll have to tell her. The thing is that I don't know how long it's gonna last and how to solve my problem. I don't even know what is the problem! I never hapened to me.
God if I knew I would have never watched so much porn. I'm off that shit for the rest of my life. I want to have a real relationship with someone, with love and intimaty, now that I could have that I feel like its gonna slip off my hands.
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A
female
reader, neeneeuno +, writes (3 February 2007):
 A man of your age with a chance of a very beutiful women on your side you shouldn't be so pethetic to need to do so.
You need to tell yourself that you DONT need to it and then work out why you did ion the first place. My mum was single for 3 years and was only in her 30's and never did a thing like that.
Then i suggest that you have a very romantic evening with this new lady wen the time comes to it and do things slowely.. build your body up.. really really slowely.. take a bath together... a shower and leaves your clothes on and let them stick to you and slowely peel them off each other an d kiss slowley, love truely... and if all that doesn't help sweety ... doctor for viagra.. LOL i don't think you'll need to go that far..
Bell x
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (3 February 2007):
 There is something you should do first, like go to your doctor and get checked out to make sure there's no medical reason, although that's unlikely at your age. (Don't be embarrassed about this. It happens to far more men than you realise!) I think it's most likely that you feel guilty about the porn, and that is what has caused this situation. Don't feel guilty. Think of it as something you did to get you through a phase of loneliness. Now you're moving on into a real relationship. Take it slowly and relax about getting to know each other physically. Don't put pressure on yourself to 'perform'. The girl will love you for who you are and if it really is a good relationship then things will look up (so to speak!). The more you worry about it the more difficult it'll be. So, don't worry, relax, you don't have to have penetrative sex straight away. Build up some fantasies about each other. They're far more fun than porn! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Sam23 +, writes (3 February 2007):
Hi there,
You say that you are having a difficult time getting aroused with your girlfriend but immediately feel aroused when watching porn and masturbating. This is natural because pornography is a strong sexual stimulus for our senses and thus our minds. Whereas, an attractive partner may not necessarily tap into our sexual fantasies and desires straight away.
Try considering what it is about the pornography you watch that makes you feel aroused - is it a particular scenario or sexual position? If so, attempt to visualise this, fantasise about what you would do to your girlfriend if she were the star of a film you made together.
You might also want to share your fantasies with your girlfriend, or even watch a pornography film with together if she is comfortable with this.
It sounds like you are having a hard time getting reality to match up with fantasy, which happens to alot of people in alot of different ways. It is important to realise that reality can be just as wonderful as fantasy, if we are honest about what it is that we really want.
Good Luck !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): Tell her that you want to wait for the right time for the two of you to have sex instead of just jumping in to it. so you can make love instead of just having sex. in time without porn and trying to force youself to have sex and when you find the right time you'll be able to do it and rock her world im sure. x
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