A
female
age
41-50,
*tuckinthemiddle
writes:i met my husband when my daughter was 1 he was great with her till she hit puberty now he hates her. He blames her for everything expects perfection from her and hardly acknowledges the things she does he calls her lazy, putrid and a spazz. I have 2 sons with him 6 and 5 months. He yells at her calls her names and is basically an ass to her. he brags her up to other people and everyone thinks he's great. i want him to stop verbally abusing her and when i confront him he'll get better for a while. i stay with him cause i don't know how i'll manage on my own with 3 kids one of them a baby. i feel like i should have left him a long time ago but felt he could change and didn't want to uproot the kids and the thought of starting all over on my own terrifies me. i know i won't be able to afford the lifestyle they've become used to. I know it sounds shallow. She hates him and I have closed my heart to him so he can't hurt me anymore I don't think I can ever allow myself to love him again because every time he hurts her it kills me. she is 15 and can have attitude which i know doesn't make it okay. she will probably move out in a couple years. I feel like i'm staying for the kids but staying is inevitably hurting them and me. When i think of all that's involved in leaving I get overwhelmed! I can't go on living each day hoping he'll get killed in a car crash so i won't have to leave. How can I get him to realize what he's doing is wrong and cut it out so we can maybe rebuild our relationships? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): Your story sounds so very similar to mine. I have a 12 year old son from a previous marriage and a 4 and 6 year old from my current husband. My 12 year old can do nothing right in my husband's eyes. He dwells on every issue and refuses to let things rest. My 6 year old son can do no wrong and of course my 4 year old daughter is the apple of his eye. I am so confused. My son has a good relationship with his natural father, but he lives in another state. He makes about 3 times more money than we do, and I don't know if he resents that relationship and the money with it. I hope everything works out for you.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 It's sad to see how a man expresses his anger and hate toward someone who is very well a minature much vulnerable version of yourself. you need to seek local cancellor advice, especially that you've made the decision to leave but need to figure out a way to do this for your daughter. They should advise you on the steps you can take to leave in your current circumstance and help you achieve that. It's probably a good idea to take your daughter to the councellor with you as well as this is vital to her future.
I wish you the best but you really need to get up and take action now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I will say that the 2 people who said you could make it on your own are correct however without a fight I don’t see walking away from your marriage and family as good thing. I am sorry you are so hurt by your husband’s actions. Wanting him dead sweetie that is an easy way out with no fight from you. I don’t know how old you are or what your life was like at 15 however from personal experience I know 15 sucks! I had great parents and I still hated them! I was a good kid until 15 then I stayed out all night, got arrested for stealing, and all I wanted to be on my own. So your husband may not know the proper way to deal with a 15 year old female drama. His choice behavior should not even be allowed and it’s your job to make him stop. I really don’t think your husband hates your daughter he is probably just lost for answers. My advices don’t give up not on your marriage or your daughter. Talk, Communicate, Fight for everything you hold dear!!!! When your husband makes a horrible comment to your daughter say something over and over and over again until the action stops. You are stronger than you even know! You can make the difference!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): If you really dont want to leave him. Suggest family counselling. You sound quite comfortable apart from the two of them not gettin along. When the eldest child starts puberty it can be a very testing time. Being step father and daughter can make things even more difficult. I dont condone your husbands behaviour. Its totally wrong and shows he feels threatened and has no control of the situation. But while youve mentioned what hes like. You havent said what your daughter is doing to make him respond in such a way. Try family counselling and see if the situation can be salvaged. If they refuse to attend then seek the advice of a divorce lawyer x
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I think when you start wishing he was dead, then things are pretty much over in your mind. Don't fear the future, there is lots out there to help you attain a divorce. It will be difficult at first and your kids will adjut to a new lifestyle (all kids do). It's better to face a couple of years of difficulty sorting things out than living your entire life in misery and fear. Ask your family to support you in your decision and be strong.
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