A
male
age
,
*tupidboy
writes:ive made such a mess of things and I dont know what to do next.My wife and I just started a business running a bar together and have been working 18 hours a day 7 days a week.Its going really well.However I got it into my head that she was starting a relationship with one of our customers who is also the next door neighbour. last week I got drunk and smoked some weed and ended up accusing her, I said so many horrible things, I don't really recall everything,but I hurt her real bad.I tried to make it up with her and have stopped drinking and smoking as I know cannabis makes you paranoid. on Sunday I tried to talk things through with her she said she needs space and that apart from what I have done now I have been bossy,overbearing,rude and nasty to her and her kids.It ended up with me agreeing to leave,she says she still loves me but doesnt know what she wants.She says she needs time to decide whther she still wants to live with me.I am devastated and dont know what to do I just drive around and spend my nights crying in a hotel room. I want her back and have told her I will do anything to be given a second chance,she still wants to be on her own.How can I get her to give me a chance I miss her and the kids so much, i have been a fool and know I have to change my ways.
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male
reader, stupidboy +, writes (19 October 2010):
stupidboy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI saw her yesterday and she says she will make a decision by weds night and ring me. Ive begged her for another chance and told her I will do whatever it takes.The kids dont understand why I left, I know they aremissing me even though I was not the greatest father figure.
I just cant face the thought of spending the rest of my life apart from her her and them. I didnt realise I was destroying our marriage and myself.I promised her that I wouldnt keep phoning her. I'll send her flowers today.
What will I do if she wont have me back,my parents are old and live in another country and all my friends are her friends too, at the minute I want as few people to know as possible.
I am worried that I am getting more and more depressed.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 If someone was nasty and rude and accusing and angry at you...you'd want out wouldn't you?
You only have one choice to keep her in your life and you already know what it is...so just do it and keep doing it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Look, do both yourself and her a favor.
Go take this quiz, and give her the results, and get a different business line.
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
It applies to weed as well as booze, think of it as a test for use of mind altering substances or destructive behavior and you can substitute any other destructive behavior or substance in place of drinking, so you might want to take the test several times.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 There is not much you CAN do. Appreciate that you have taken steps to ensure that this never happens again. I assume this has been going on for a couple of days now, perhaps you could call her every now and then just to show her that you are still thinking of her and you still care and that you miss her. But do not constantly call her, she wants space, so give her space but make sure she still remembers that you love her.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 OK stop beating yourself up now. Positive action is what is required. Never Never Never again smoke weed. You are correct it does make you paranoid, it also fries your brain and makes you angry.
Send that girl flowers every second day, and jewellery or chocolates every other day. Offer to pick the kids up and take them to sports and events. Invite her out for morning tea, lunch, dinner.
Tell her she has every right to be pissed at you and give her permission to yell at you every day for your stupidity. You are going to have to put the hard yards in and be accountable for every step you take, you are going to have to be prepared for her to question your every move.
Give her the space she has requested but keep in touch every day in some small way.
Good luck
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