A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Dear Cupid. Please help!! I am stil madly in love wth my ex, and he knows it, and he messages me if I do not hear from him, and I message him vice versa. We do not see each other much, but when we do it usually really nice, but he always rushes off, as if he is testing me, then the next day I text him, and he does not respond!! until the same cycle begins again eg: it is left for an ammout of time ( usually about a week) . I call, he picks up straight away, he comes over. We do not always have sex either, but are not in a relatsionship, but still feel attached to each other, and I cannot meet someone else all the time this is happening, and do not really want too in a way. I can;t let go of him completley, and he cannot either - why is this? and what can I do? I think about him all the time. Thank you . xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what you mean. Any contact is contact. I want him to knows I am back to my stable self, but then who gives a f**k I guess!! Using basta**d
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Sure tell him to f**k off it it makes you feel better but dont let him use it as a hook to reel you in again. Personally I'd do what all men hate...cut off and completely ignore him. Never look back my lovely, I have learned this lesson from experience!! There are better people to know and love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPS. Do you think I should write him and tell him to f**k off and that I have wised up to ths situation? I'm angry ...infact, maybe not. I'll just dissapear.. forever. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey you know what Aunty Em Your a gem!! :o) I wised up to it after reading the answers and advice. I've been doing it for months, and been so wrapped up in the emotions that I could not see I was being used until now. It had got to the point where he was turning up then TELLING me he had to leave in two hours, being nice, screwing, then leaving. I mean WTF have I been doing? He does not deserve me. I realised this morning that I am worthy, and should not let that man touch me ever again. Let him go find someone else to use. YOu see, I got caought up because there was always the promise of getting the relationship back, as he would text or call me when he didn;t hear from me, then act all loving and sweet. What the hell have I been thinking? ( or not thinking should I say). It was all so good at the start, as he managed to reel me in, hook , line and sinker, and the moment he realised I was in love with him, he started using me, and playing the ' let's be freinds; card. I was in too deep to admit to myself what was going on. I literally saw the light this morning. He had even managed to make me feel sexually undisirable by leaving straight afterwards. I am no longer going to be treated like a two bit w**re by him. No way.He knew how attracted I was to him sexually too. and that is what kept me there. I was so vunerable to him, and he took advantage as soon as he saw that. I'm not going to respond to any more messages from him.. nothing. The guy has dragged my self esstem down through the floor. I lost my confidence, started feeling ' ugly' and used, and it;s taken me all this time to see it. He really fooled me. and I have learnt now. In future - no relationship.. no sex. Thank you .x
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 October 2010):
Im glad...really glad that you have found your strength...it's hard being a loving woman when a man claims your not good enough for a relationship but your ok to continue to screw. Guys shrug their shoulders and say 'it's no big deal' but they say it because they arn't the one getting 'screwed' emotionally. Its the one thing I find extremely shallow and despicable about a lot of men and it's something i'd never ever accept again.
NEWS FLASH FOR MEN...
SEX IS A HUGE F***ING DEAL FOR A WOMANS EMOTIONS!!!
It's the way our brains are wired, to us it means something very intense and special. There are even prostitutes who form emotional attachments to some of their Johns!!
There is no getting away from it...a woman absolutely cannot disattach emotion from sex. Women are vulnerable and easily used because of this fact.
So when any of you guys dump a woman and then go sniffing round for a 'quick f**k' under the lie of wanting her back...you may as well just take a knife and stab her in the heart, because it's doing as much damage. If you do go back for sex she will ALWAYS think you want her back...but you go anyways because you don't give a c**p about how she feels.
Women need to wise up to this potential threat to their emotional well being. When a relationship ends...the sex should STOP immediately.
Of all the years I have written and responded to problems on DC, it seems that nobody ever learns this lesson and so avoids weeks months or even years of agonising pain.
Rant over!!
Im glad you quit on him, welcome to the new age of stronger confident self respecting woman who absolutely WILL NOT be used.
WELL DONE!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all, thanks for your answers. I have had a good think about it all, and actually YES that guy has been using me for sex, and convinice and guess what? It's not happening anymore, because I an not going to let it happen. It all sort of fell inot place today.. he has been turning up when HE feels like it, stays for a while - maybe tow hours or something - then leaves. I have been so wrapped up in it emotionally that I haven't been able to see the wood for the tress,and he knows how much I love (d) him and has taken advantage of that. I cannot forgive that, and canot believe that I have been such a soft touch, and allowed this to happen. I won;t be ever contacting him again. I't over. xx Thanks Guys and Girls.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Hi!I thought perhaps you were in your twenties..or teens. Then I see that is not the case. If YOU are content with this kind of contact..then let it ride. But you can't think about anything but him...and you are left waiting for him to reply after you two are "together".There is that Bob Segar song, "I used her, she used me, but no one cared...we were getting our share". Maybe it is just "convenient" for both of you to slowly wean yourselves from each other. The only problem is ONE of you will be hurt when the other one finds someone else and there are no returned calls or texts. Perhaps consider trying two weeks without contact between you two by mutual agreement. If you are both thinking of no one and nothing but each other after the two weeks..then perhaps you two are not going to be "through" with one another and may want to work on what good things there are in the relationship???
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Good question by HotGeek.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2010):
Exactly what Aunty Em says. You may have all the feelings left over. You may still have the emotional connection. You may still feel attractive.
But he does not feel the same way. At all. You are distinctly allowing yourself to be used by this guy, who wants nothing more than sex from you. The moment another woman comes along, your time will be up and you'll be cast aside. You need to make the break here. You're still emotionally connected, and as long as you carry on as you are, you're heading to a lot more pain.
He's in it for the sex, and nothing else.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 October 2010):
Having sex with an ex is ALWAYS a bad bad idea...stop immediately and see if he mentions it. The breakup has happened but the feelings of loss are still there for both of you. Ending a relationship requires breaking a kind of daily habit. Suddenly everything changes and you do not have that immediate comforting person to run to...
...but you guys are holding on to that. Each time you have sex with him, you are connecting an emotional attachment to it and searching for the 'why are we doing this' and 'should we get back together'...only, he doesn't want to. The conclusion to this is that he potentially will expect to have sex with you until he finds someone else.
Talk to him about how you feel, tell him that the sex is getting in the way of the break up and your confused. Maybe suggest a period of time where you dont see or hear from him. Let him know that its hurting you to continue the contact because you know he wont come back and be with you. He might try to convince you he's making up his mind...but he can still do that without seeing you or having sex.
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male
reader, HotGeek  +, writes (19 October 2010):
First of all, why did you break up?
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