A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm facing a real dilemna and really need advice asap. This past August I started dating a guy I met at a conference. We instantly clicked and things between us only keeps getting better and better. He's divorced with 2 kids who live with their mother, and I also have 2 kids whom live with me. My kids love him, and he seems to love them. He and I haven't slep together yet but we plan to next week while he and I are vacationing in Italy. He already purchased the plane tickets, paid for the hotel, and has rented a limosine. The problem is last night we both had a little bit too much to drink and one story led to another with himtewlling me about his Playboy side, boasting of how he had had numerous sexual relations with married women and how he had engaged in countless sexual relations with women that were either dating his two brother or women that they were interested in. He found these incidents humorous, but I on the otherhand was repulsed. It was like in a blink my entire perception of him was tainted. I was sickened and could barely stomach his further presence. I pretended to be nauseaus to influence him to leave. He left, and today has been stressful trying to avoid him by all means possible.I want nothing at all to do with him. My children are what matters to me most. I lead and rear them by example. I will not allow a man of his deplorable caliber to have anything at all to do with my children or myself. I've lost complete respect for him. He gave me some insight into what he really is made of and it's not good. If he can't even respect his own blood and another man's marriage than that says he will never respect my kids or me. I need to know how to throw him back to the gutter from where he came and belongs without having to hurt him with the truth and also not expect that I reimburse him for cancelling. I need to dismiss him immediately. I will never permit a sick valueless monster like that in my kids or my life. Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Do you have daughters?
If you do, then you won't be the last person in the family to get screwed by him.
And, since he's proud of this, you won't be the last for him either.
He's told you what he is, do what you need to do to protect yourself and your family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): You will have to turn off your emotional side here, because whatever you say to him will hurt him.Quite frankly, I think he deserves some pain for having numerous affairs with married women.
Take control of the situation and tell him this relationship is not going to work. Then as you have stated, you want nothing of him or no communication from this point on.
He will probably expect you to reimburse him, but did you two agree that it was a loan that you would pay back? If not, then you need to keep your records to prove he bought that trip as a gift for you.
You are a good mother and cutting him out of your life is better for your own family.
Use other strategies you have used in dating to avoid him. Not picking up the phone saying that you are busy, etc.
The other thing that is important thing is that you have a friend to talk about this situation so if anything ever happens they can help you or protect you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): How did he end up telling you these stories? I can't imagine telling my current GF about my past exploits. Especially the more dubious ones. Maybe he is lying?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I actually wouldnt worry about hurting him, maybe he needs to feel some pain after all the pain he has caused. It seems he isn't sorry and was almot bragging about what he has done (not good). I think you have an absolute right to be concerned and to reject him from your life and he kept things well hidden to reel you in...but the truth always emerges!!
Be brutally honest, tell him in the light of what you have now discovered, you feel he isnt the man for you and you dont want to go on vacation with him. I am sure he will beg and try to talk you round, but listen to your gut instinct because it is always right! If he is that popular with women, I am sure he can find someone else to go away with him, even if it is someone else wife.
Please don't feel bad, there are so many cheats and liars in the world, all trying to get their way and it is high time decent folk put them in their place...good for you, I am glad you saw him for what he is and you will avoid pain further down the road!!
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