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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have a dilemma that is not truly a relationship issue, but kinda. I am recently divorced, and am with a new partner who is great and we intend to marry late next year. The only remaining issue with my former marriage is my marital house is on the market now for 6 months with very few showings and no sign of a sell anytime soon. My wife lives in it, and I pay half of everything. When the house sells, I pay alimony and child support and we split things amicably. I obviously don't want this arrangement to continue indefinitely, and neither does my ex wife. One possibility is I buy out my ex wife, but I can only do that if my fiancee sells her condo, which she wants to do anyway. My ex wife is not at all thrilled I am with someone new, and she has said she doesn't want someone else living in the house we shared as husband and wife. But she said we may need to revisit the idea if the house doesn't sell. She doesn't know the money would come from my Fiancee, and she doesn't know we intend to marry.Buying my ex wife out is an undesirable option, but may be a necessity with the housing market the way it is. all 3 of us pretty much feel the same way.How long would most of you tolerate this situation? I'm not sure how horrible it would be, emotionally, to buy my wife out and move my fiancee in. I'd feel low, but what can you do in this market. I just saw a couple on the news last night that are divorced and cohabitating because they cant sell. They actually text each other in the same house and live on separate sides. Crazy! But my situation sucks too. Do I have any other options?
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divorce, ex-wife, fiance, money, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Just for the record, I said "evicted" so you would get a clear picture of what could cross people's mind.
I guess this new information changes it all. You'd have to be paying for a new home for I don't know how many years. You'd have housing problems as well.
I think an amicable and SMART solution is in order. Smart as in "Hey, let's think what is best for us ALL".
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEm, We've only had the house for 2 years, and there is not enough equity in it to give it to her. She would have to assume a mortgage that she would not get approved for.She HAS looked at other homes, and of course they're not the same (as nice) as this home. As for the perception of me "evicting her"...that's a bit extreme, but I can understand that perception. Simple fact is, we parted cleanly, but I happened to find someone and she did not. We all want to move on, and I can't be concerned with the apearance of inpropriety because of my circumstances.You have to remember...we all want to move on in the best way possible, and this is an option. If it weren't a difficult or problematic option, I wouldn't have posted here. It is obviously troubling for me. Thanks for all your help
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 To be honest, if you have divorced your wife to be with someone else then you should allow her to keep the house and move in with your girlfriend. Just because you wanted to move on the new pastures I dont think its fair to turf out your ex and your children and make them suffer just because you want your 'half'. If you want the new life, then you have to pay the price. Pay alimony and let her get on with her life and keep the home she and the kids know and are settle in....its the least you can do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Buy your ex out. Where the money comes from is none of her business, you're taking her out of a financial situation, she ends up with cash. Her say in who moves in- also, none of her business. She can't continue to control you or who you're in a relationship, or where they live.
If she wants to gather up 50% of the present value, let her, and you have not right to know where the money came from, or who lives there.
Funny thing about divorce, some people don't quite get what it means... your relationship is over (except that you still have kids, and need to be kind to one another, and think about the kids.)
I cashed out my ex from our house, in a down economy. She got $40K+, and I got the house. Simple... she got 50% of my 401K. Best deal I ever made!!!
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (8 October 2010):
I agree with Aunty Bim Bim in saying that you need to be very clear about what the situation is and the fact that your fiancée would sell her place to buy the marital home. I must say, however, that your ex-wife might just disagree with that idea, and your mere talking about it could make her angry and sour things, for your kids' worse.
I suppose you have thought this, but, why don't you stay at your fiancée's? I suppose you are living somewhere at the moment. Is it at all financially impossible to stay where you are? Your wife and kids would have to go live somewhere. Where is that somewhere?
Say you and your ex sell the house. With only half of that money, what kind of a house could she buy for herself AND your kids? Your half plus your fiancée's half will buy a nicer house, I'm afraid, and it will appear that you evicted your kids and ex-wife so you and "that woman" could buy a finer place. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, but the idea could cross somebody's mind, and appearances are very important. You might not be a bad guy, but if you look like one...
I don't know anything about housing in the United States, but, if I were you, I would not sell the home right now. Your kids will grow and will leave the place. Then you can either sell it, or your wife could buy YOU out, or you could sell the home and she could get herself a smaller place, without affecting your kids.
My two cents.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 You need to sit down with your ex wife, preferably somewhere neutral (not the marital home) and be honest with her.
I can understand she would prefer you to not live there with a new wife, so many emotions would be tied up in that!
Where will your ex wife go if you buy her out and move in with the new wife? Has your wife made plans, will she be able to provide your children with a comparable home? Are your kids going to be just as well off when they move as they are now?
It seems from your question your wife doesnt have a new partner, and that her life would be tied up with the kids etc.
You may have to just "suck it up" as an old boss of mine would say, and tolerate the situation until the real estate market improves or you wife finds somebody else who will help her start a new home.
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female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 short sell it.
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