I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we seemed to fall out a bit whilst on holiday meeting his family. When we got back, everything changed, and he became moody and distant. I asked him if we were finished , and he said yes, but I did not believe he meant it, as I could see he still loved me, so pursued it and we kind of got back togther, but things deteriorated to such an extent, and have been for the last three / four months. He kept ending it,and saying he wanted to be freinds, but stil kept coming over, and that was hard for me. He seemed confused. So when he said that I ignored his calls at first, but when I finally did return them he said that just because he said this, it did not mean he did not want to see me, and to give him some time. This has been going on for some months now. So,I sent him an email outlining how I felt, and he said he is not ready to commit, and wanted something more casual. I gave that to him for one night, but was still emotionally attached. I could not understand why he kept responding to me, and when I did lose touch he would call me 5 times a day wondering where I was. This was also very confusing foe me. Anyway, the bottom line is this. Over the last two weeks, I have been the one initiating the contact, and he responds straight away, and I figured that if he was not interested at all, he would totally not bother?, but lately he has been making arragements with me, then making excuses not to come. This is new for him. I know deep down he is confused, but still likes me, but I cannot stop myself from contacting him, as I love him so so much. I know I need to give him some space, but am finding it so hard, as I love him, and cannot bear the thought of never seeing him again, and cannot sleep at night for thinking of him. My work has suffered, and I have these huge bouts of pain and anxiety about this. I just somehow cannot trust and let things happen in a natural way. EG- If he is to come back to me, he does, if he doens;t , it was never meant to be. Every day that passes, and there is no contact, I feel bad and get panicky. That man loved me, and I know it.What can I do to solve this? I am finding it hard to get through the days without him, and hard to accept that he is behaving this way. I have never really loved anyone the way I love him, but know that my actions eg: texting.callig etc, are not really helping? Infact, to be honest, I feel like I am now making a fool of myself. I am acting like the love struck woman that I am, and it is probably putting him off? can anyone advise me on how to get through this? I'm struggling like hell. I am trying to do the right things eg: going out with freinds, even dating other men, pursuing my hobbies etc, but wake up every morning in pain and I am consumed for my feelings for him. How can I stop this? should I stop this? doee he still have felings for me? How do I stop myself from contacting him and 'waiting'? I cannot seem to, no matter how hard I try - get over him. Does he still like me? What is the best way forward? Thanks for your help and advice. xxx

View related questions: fell in love, my ex, on holiday, text

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Jeffro1977  +, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer