A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, my husband had an affair with an aquaintance whom we barely knew for 3 months, she is a friend of a friend and lives with her fiance and their son, i have asked for advice previously but i couldnt find the link. I basically found out about their affair at the end of last year. Before i found out my husbands mother paid his ex affair partner and her fiance a visit at their house and tried to talk things through with her fiance (my husband was scared he would get beaten up), i found out about it a few weeks after that and decided to go round their myself too, her fiance answered the door and i asked to see her, he said she was out and that it wouldnt be a good idea if we spoke anyway. He told me that i needed to speak to my husband and that i wouldnt like what i was going to be told. So im presuming by that point she had already come clean to him about what had happened. I did find out from our mutual friend that my husband had told this other woman that he had fallen inlove with her. Jumping ahead to around 8 months ago, i recieved 3 emails from her and one from her fiance, they were not threatening, i replied to her first message and she replied to the that and then their was a third and one from her fiance which im not going to go into. They were recieved over a course of a few months, the last one i recieved was about 5 months ago, whereby she told me she hoped we could work it out blah blah. Anyway i decided to go to the police because i want to move on from this situation, i understand they were not threatening messages and it wasnt like she was bombarding me with emails but i decided to do something about it and i was hoping my husband would stick by me and come to the police station with the emails but he refused to do so. I thought he would want to do everything he could to get this to stop and stop her from harrassing me, i understand its hardly harrassment but to me after everything i thought i deserved some back up from him. He refused and said it would make things worse so i decided to go on my own, the police have apparently been to their house and spoken with them and they have agreed not to make any further contact and that is all they can do as the police are now aware myself and my mother inlaw have been round to their home and i have also replied to an email from her and also that harrassment goes beyond just a few emails! i dont care about that im just happy i will not recieve any further messages because now i can atleast try and move on but now im facing another obstacle. Why didnt my husband back me up and come with me to the police station to make a complaint? he tells me he loves me although he did admit for that time he did feel love for her also, as far as i am aware he has not contacted her, he is always with me so i dont really know how it would be possible for him to anyway and he has apologised for hurting me. I have got over the initial shock as it happened a year ago, it still haunts me but the initial shock was the worst, now i just feel like im back at square one. I understand he might have thought it could have caused more trouble or that i was maybe taking it a bit too far but i still think he should have come with me if not for anything else but to prove to me that he is with me all the way on this, that the affair is well and truly over and that he no longer wants her contacting me. Why would he not do that one thing for me? any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you
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affair, fiance, his ex, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Because your husband is a coward a cheating liar and didnt want to open a whole can of worms
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Why didn't my husband back me up and come with me to the police station to make a complaint?Because you are very lucky woman that the policemen were so kind. You have stated over and over again that you wasn't being harassed, you made contact with them first, there were no threats and you were in no danger.You husband didn't come because you really should have been charged with "wasting police time". The police aren't paid to tell off innocent people who haven't harmed you. The are paid to catch rapist, murder's and thieves. If your angry with your husband, deal with him, but it was not right of you to waste police time like this when you knew that nobody had done anything to you. If they were vindictive they could probably contact a lawyer and sued you. Yep, if I were her guy, I would have been angry and contacted a lawyer about suing the police and you. You are one very lucky lady.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (20 February 2012):
 I'm sorry, but this is far too dramatic, and you have made an unnecessary mountain out of your own misery.
The Police? Really? The Police?
You could have changed your email address, read and deleted theirs, or politely answered that you would not like any further contact. But the Police? Honestly?
Your husband was wrong to have an affair, but he's right in this. The Police should be dealing with far more important issues than an extra marital affair, and dodgy emails.
I wouldn't have gone with you, if I were in his position. I would have been too embarrassed for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Your husband cheated on you, yet your anger is directed at the other guilty party for sending emails. I also believe your husband would have pushed the womans fiance over the edge if he had reported them uneccessarily. Your husband is a cheat, that is far far worse than someone sending emails. Then again, he did say he was sorry lol.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Sorry but I think its kind of a waste of police time. They sent you mail to try to make amends and yes they put you in a bad position but it most definitely wasn't a matter for the police, it was a matter for you to sort out with your husband. He didn't go with you because it wasn't something the police needed to know about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): sorry to tell you this, but he wouldnt have gone to the police as he is the one who caused all the trouble in the first place.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Your husband wont have backed you up through fear of being beaten up. Seeing as he had knobbed the guys woman, going to the police too, just may have pushed the guy overboard. He`s got off very lightly considering. I`m surprised you are still with him really. Whatever his real reason was, it may have made things worse going round there. Don`t reply to anything else off them, as it then gets classed as an argument and not harassment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Why did you need to go to the police? Your husbands a dirty cheater, but I'm with him, it only made things worse. The other couple were more than sorry and weren't going to contact you any further if you just asked. It wasn't harassment. Your husband probably didn't want to cause a scene and go to the police. I don't get why your still with him.
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