A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have reacently been in contact with a guy I knew from late high school, we had been messaging one another on and off for about 6 months. We had said we would meet and catch up. Then I get a message from him that said he had heard a rumour about me that I had slept with a guy he knows and doesn't like along time ago. He has said if this is the case he doesn't want to meet me. The rumour is untrue, how can I convince him to believe me and not the rumours. I would really like a chance with him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): He sounds a bit strange so maybe it's best not to meet him- you can simply tell him it isn't true and please don't circulate untrue facts about you, I think that is all you can do, as well as ask him where he heard this. This would turn me off to the whole idea of having him as a friend and so on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Why in the world do you want a chance with a man that is so intolerant of past behavior. BIG HUGE RED FLAG… FLAPPING in a STRONG WIND…
RUN AWAY,….
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012):
There are some people out there that I detest. I would not want to date anyone who is friends with them. Most people would not criticize me for these feelings.
So why is the principle any different when you replace "date" with "have sex with?" There is no difference.
A lot of people have such a knee-jerk reaction about sexual histories that they forget their common sense whenever that is the subject of a question.
Everyone is responsible for their own actions, sexual and otherwise. Everyone will be judged by the company they keep, sexual and otherwise. If people can't accept this then they need to grow up.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 I agree with the other aunts. His behaviour is extremely juvenile and judgemental and yes it does sound like a 'get out clause'
I think you should see it for what it is. A HUGE EXIT SIGN!!!!
Run my lovely, run because the guy is an idiot!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): A rumour?! Oh dear, think he's made that up to be honest.Even if he hasn't, he's extremely judgemental and the fact he believes it does him no favours.
Just leave him in your past he's not worth being in your future
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 You don't have to convince him of anything ! First , whom you sleep or don't sleep with is none of his business at the current stage of MEETING FOR COFFEE, he's rude for just bringing this up. Second, don't tell me you don't see anything wrong in the reasoning of a guy who'd refuse to meet you ... in case you had slept with his "enemy " 10 or 20 years ago ?! How controlling is that ? ..
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 How can you possibly prove such a thing?
That he would even tell you of such a rumour, whether it was true or not, reveals much about his character. To continue to feed a decades old grudge, from high school of all things, and to judge anyone he believes to have had any association with his enemy reveals how empty, small and low class he is. Clearly he hasn't grown up or made anything of himself in the twenty years since.
He's made a dreadful first impression and you're worried about what he thinks of you?
He is unworthy of any more of your time and attention. Drop him like the plague and move on.
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A
female
reader, Babs1 +, writes (13 February 2012):
He sounds really out of touch with reality. How old is this guy? He sounds extremely insecure and it really isn't fair for him to take something like that out on you, or to care so much about who you slept with a long time ago.
If he believes what he heard and not you, don't beg him to believe you. A reasonable person who have asked you if the rumors were true, not threatened you before getting your side. Honestly I wouldn't bother with him, all kinds of red flags coming up here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I wouldn't try and convince him. Sounds like that's not the real issue and he's throwing up obstacles before you even get to meet. He's taken or probably has something more promising going on. A guy who was single and really into you wouldn't waste time messaging back and forth for 6 months. A guy who wasn't single and not really that interested would do that though.
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A
female
reader, JAMR +, writes (13 February 2012):
 I believe that the only thing you can do at this point so to tell/write to him and explain that you apologize for the rumour that has circulated and the unfortunate reality that this inaccurate assumption has damaged the chance at a nice relationship. You did not sleep with that person and you would really like the chance to see where your relationship, together, can go. Ask how he feels, and if he can find it in his heart to take a chance. life is about taking chances and you can't let the past rule you forever. Life is short, and you don't want to find that you have squandered an irreplaceable friendship/relationship. Hope that gives you the courage to try to reach out to him and see how he feels about everything. But don't put too much pressure on yourself, or him, for some reason there are some things in life that all of a sudden become unreachable for no good reason. That doesn't make it fair but it's something that we unfortunately can't control. You just have to do your best with what you have, and "your best" is what counts. :) Good luck.
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