A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am certain my husband has been going through a mid life crisis for the last three year. He had fallen in love with a married coworker who had rejected him very early on. Now three years later he is still "in love with her" and "obsessed" about her. Even though he acts like a loving husband to me now, and is doing the right things by me, all this seems so weird. He says he loves me, and his actions show it now, although two years ago, life was hell. He has since lost two very important members of his family, and seems to struggle with depression or mood type issues.Do I just ignore his obsession and hope it fades in time? Can I help it to end sooner? I have tried to be an accepting, understanding and loving wife. He is trying to be a good husband. But all of this is kind of hard to take and understand.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2012):
 My off the cuff, non-acceptable response to help him get over this obsession is tell him "to hit that and get it out of his system".... but then that doesn't really work...
He's in love with a dream, a theory, an unfulfilled attraction... it's the UNKNOWN that attracts him... once she is known and he realizes she's not "all that and a bag of chips" it would end.... it's the hot fantasy that keeps him going back for more.... make it a reality and then it's no longer enticing...
but like I said... it's not a mainstream response (because I'm not one of the more mainstream aunts here)
are you in couple counseling? I think you both need to be.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 February 2012):
 I agree with the previous aunt. I think you are in a very good position to benefit from some professional counselling or marriage guidance.
It is obvious that your husband still loves you and that this obsession in most likely a by product of depression brought about by massive life changes (bereavement and mid life crisis). You deserve a good outcome because you are a good wife and I think it is something that can be overcome, but the help you need should be from a professional because this is too much for you to have to cope with and work out.
I hope your husband is receptive to the idea and the sooner you seek help, the quicker you will be on a path to recovery.
xx
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (15 February 2012):
How do you know he is obsessed,etc, with a co-worker? It it hard to define mid-life crisis and for a man there are several contributing aspects, eg noticing you are looking and feeling old, not such good health and fitness, maybe a bit overweight, wife starting or in menopause makes you feel unwanted, erection fails or falters. Makes you feel like you are at the end of the road. If you add a lonely 30 something divorcee to that combination a 50something man will probably act like a demented teenager like he's running for survival from a burning house. But OP, if any of the above fit your husband then you can take solice in the fact that the younger woman has given him the hard but truthful message that she is not interested. What can you do? Well, irrespective of whether you husbands behavior is unacceptable or not I would suggest that confrontation and conflict will lead most often to divorce so I wouldn't reccomend that unless its what you wish for. I would suggest trying to refind the closeness and fun that we all had when younger. Find things to do together, get fitter, and at the right time get to talk about both your feelings.... Hopefully he will realise that life still has plenty to offer. Good sex always helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): How the hell did you stay in that relationship? I would've left a while ago.
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