A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am 46 single and live in uk and my muslim boyfriend is 26 years old, we met on a dating site.I look much younger than my age,we are planning to get married.My boyfriend gets really upset with me, when he cant get hold of me on the phone. He seem to think i am cheating on him all the time. I am not..because i love him dearly..i need help please..
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 Are you guys local or LDR? how long have you been together?
Why pray tell are you planning to marry a man who does not trust you?
Once you are married I am betting his “I own you” personality will shine through and you will not be permitted to come and go as you please…
A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (26 February 2012):
 I would personally tell him to back off, and let you live, or he will drive you away.
It is not a case of religion, or culture, it is insecurity, plain and simple.
You are twenty years older than him, and had far more life experience. Who does he think he is, wanting to know your every move? You are a grown woman, capable it seems of making your own choices. What does he want you to do, wait all day at home with phone in hand, in case he calls?
He's got to get real, you had a life before you met him, I hope he allows you to have a life while you're with him, or I can see nothing but disaster.
He's got issues ..... control issues. Loving someone includes acknowledging some things that you may not like about a person, and either looking past those things or embracing them. He is doing neither. And then, there is you, the senior partner, here on this site, seeking advice about him.
I would wait a while, before plunging into marriage, and see if your mutual love remains strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): Keep ur eyes open! I had a muslim male friend. He was just my friend..and He got like crazy when I didnt answer my phone or replay his messages..always said things like: Dont tell me u were busy cuz I dont believe u..u were with someone else..and always the same thing..When I met him I was soo atracted to him cuz he was hot and handsome and he introduced me to his family and everybody seems very nice...but everything changed when I started to pay attention..I watched him when his mom came to visit ...she was like his maid...one time he invited me to a dinner in his house...i came at time but his mom was still cooking...he was mad and started to yelling in arabic and I didnt understand anything! I said is ok we can talk I am here..he just ruined the whole timed makes his mom angry too...and more things like that happened over and over in 3 years of friendship...we didnt have sex, we went out and kiss each other but not intimacy..due his muslim rules..I can say he is the hottest guy that I ever met, but dont be blind..cuz they know how to treat at woman they know how to make u feel a queen...but is only at the beggining..once they have u..u will be like their mother..I spent 3 years of my life with him as a friend..I met his whole family...and now I am so glad that didnt believe in what I heard but I paid attention in what I saw.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): How we act, who we have as friends, what we do with our past time all reflects a part of our character and with it, our integrity.You add that to his, what is apparent as insecurities and fears of his own personal self worth- you set to have an explosive, abusive relationship.Do both currenlty have active dating profiles?Are you just dating and for how long?What are the expectations of the relationship?Does he live as you do; same common life goals, same standards, values, beliefs, ethics?I'll say there should be no talk of marriage if he is displaying emotional neediness and insecurity, abandonment issues, and mistrust already due to his 'upset' at you not answering the phone. Shows he has been hurt and now may have control issues.If you are serious about plans of marriage- COUPLES Counsellor ASAP.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Possessive, insecure and jealous people do not make good spouses.
Tell him to deal with his issues or there won't be a marriage. Putting a ring on his finger will not make his problems go away.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (26 February 2012):
 It might not be his religion/culture that's the problem, but the differences in ages. You say that you look young for your age, so, good looking, youthful, with experience of life, he looks at his inadequacies and flaws and keeps asking himself "what is she doing with me". Maybe he is jealous because he's so scared that he is young and immature and some older guy might come and steal you away.Try to keep the mobile on, to give him reassurance. If you have to turn it off, then phone him back and explain that you was busy, even if he didn't call you in the first place. Explain that you don't like jealous guys, and you don't like guys who are controlling. But to prove you love him, just for a couple of months, your going to attend to the phone issue, just to reassure him.Just for a couple of months mind you, and then go back to acting normally.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Muslim culture is very different from british culture and especially the treatment of women. Your partner probaby sees it as a great insult when you do not respond to his attentions and that is why he gets upset. If you are going to enter into marriage with this man, I suggest you begin to do as he expects and be attentive because unless he is the type of man who will compromise over how you are with eachother, it seems your relationship isnt going to be a happy one.
Talk to him, see if there is any give and take.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): we speak every night on skype..We have been together for a year.It just that he gets really upset and paranoid..accusing me of seeing someone else, not loving him..it does my head in! i do love him..i have met his family and we get on. but it making me doubt getting married..in june.
i am planning to move to tunisa, to live with him, after our wedding.
I did tell him my old ex-boyfriend had recently been in contact with me.. its been the last four month he has been behaving like this..
thankyou..for your comment
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Can I ask if you are also a muslim?
I have a friend who had to convert when she married her muslim boyfriend. She now barely sees her own family, as his muslim family has totally swallowed her up. Not out of choice, his family just take up so much of her time.
Her husband is very demanding, wants to know where she is at all times, and she really has become almost like a slave to him. He is the boss, he has to know where she is, who she is with and what she is doing.
If this is a man you met on the internet, please be careful that he is not just using you for a visa to get into the UK. You are probably flattered by the attention of a much younger man, butare his motives entirely honest?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): Is it a long distance thing or is he in the UK?
Its clear he's insecure anyway and probably thinks you will move on with somebody new before the wedding.
Long distance - if it is - are always difficult and you have to be very secure to keep them going. He must know you love him. Do you meet up often or is it mainly by via email and phone?
I would be careful, if he's getting upset because your not on the end of the phone whenever he calls then it could be he is the possesive type and you will have to account for every movement eventually.
Need a bit more information from you really
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): I know you said you are young looking for your age but there is still a big age gap. Hes 26, in his religion they are taught that marraige and sex are for creating new life. Are you still able to have children? Sorry i know it doesnt answer your question but i am actually questioning what motivates him to be in this relationship. Have you met each other personally? Have you both been introduced to each others families? If not why? You are not in a proper relationship if you havent, and that you shouldnt be talking marraige just yet. His jealousy stems from his own insecurities and this something that needs to be addressed by you asking him why he doesnt trust you when you havent shown him anything but love for him.
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