A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for the ladies.. what do you think of 40 year old men who have never lived with a woman, been engaged, married, etc. would you question if they are boyfriend or better yet.... husband material?This conversation came up at work today and many of the woman say that a red flag would go up if they met a man who has never been engaged or married and was 40 plus years old.What do you all think? Any experience with this?Thanks so muchI also want to add that i know there can be circumstances that are out of their control.. and woman too can have these same issues.. i have friends who are female who are single.. but they had at least one long term relationship each (one engaged, one lived together for many years) and are both now 40ish!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 well Mandy I never said there was something wrong with him but if he does not like being touched what has changed now that he's 40? or if he has peter pan syndrome what's changed?
about the only thing that makes sense is if he went into the priesthood and has changed his mind now..
I know men who had not married or had serious relationships past 40 who are either married or engaged now and my 38 yr old fiance who qualifies as never married on only having 1 short relationship..... and I can tell you that all of them are quriky enough to have to wait to meet someone willing to put up with their stuff...
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (21 February 2012):
 or it could just be the guy dont like being touched.....
waiting for the right one;;;
doesn't want to grow up ( peter pan syndrome)
It does make me laugh though that everone always jumps to a conclusion of weirdo or something wrong with him, just because the majority of people have had many relationships, or been married/engaged, dont make him a potential psycho lol not everyone is into the whole fishing in the sea thing, my aunt was single right up untill she was 54!!! she was ( I say was as she is no longer with us :( ) the most kindest, fun, caring, loving women... she just didn't find anyone who actually interested her, untill she finallyy did and got engaged. sadly she died suddenly, but it makes no deifference if your a man or woman, we are ready when we are ready, dont make us weird, makes us different, we dont all have to be a lemming and follow suit!!! just saying lol
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (21 February 2012):
or it could just be the guy dont like being touched.....
waiting for the right one;;;
doesn't want to grow up ( peter pan syndrome)
It does make me laugh though that everone always jumps to a conclusion of weirdo or something wrong with him, just because the majority of people have had many relationships, or been married/engaged, dont make him a potential psycho lol not everyone is into the whole fishing in the sea thing, my aunt was single right up untill she was 54!!! she was ( I say was as she is no longer with us :( ) the most kindest, fun, caring, loving women... she just didn't find anyone who actually interested her, untill she finallyy did and got engaged. sadly she died suddenly, but it makes no deifference if your a man or woman, we are ready when we are ready, dont make us weird, makes us different, we dont all have to be a lemming and follow suit!!! just saying lol
Mandy x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): I knew a man in his 40's who had never been engaged or married before for a lot of resons. He then met the love of his life, quickly moved in together and married a year later. I bumped into him the other week and they were still happily married after 5 years. Sometimes they just need to meet the right person at the right time. Think of your question another way, would you be happier going out with someone who had been engaged 3 or 4 times but never got down the aisle or with someone with 2 or 3 failed marriages behind them. Are they likely to be better husband material given they've failed in the past? They may have learned from past mistakes but they could also be the problem. I'd say give the guy a chance, he may surprise you
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (21 February 2012):
Having met someone myself of a similar age who had never been married or engaged, at first I thought... fab... no baggage!
However, I soon learnt to realise there was more to it than meets the eye. More often than not, once you dig deeper, you start putting the pieces of jigsaw together and realise there is an underlying reason why they have never settled down, more so if they have never had a LTR. The reasons behind this might go far back as childhood where they may have been hurt, or even lost a family member.
The sad thing is however, they become set in their ways, they are used to living a single life, doing their own thing and as soon as someone appears to come on a little too heavy they put their barriers up and move on to the next and then the next. What is even more saddening is that this person is probably crying out for love and affection and probably has a lot of love to give too.
It doesn't mean that the person is a freak because they have never settled down - What is does mean is there is a valid reason why and I don't think it boils down to because they still haven't found the right person!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 February 2012):
I agree with Chigirl... never being married or engaged is ONE thing... having had NO long term relationships IRL (not only online) is a bit of a red flag.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (21 February 2012):
 If I met a 40 year old man who was never engaged, married or lived with someone, this is what I'd think:
1. They have commitment issues and/or are set in their own ways, so they don't feel the desire to share their space or life with someone
2. They have some serious character flaws that boarder on unacceptable that send women running for the hills
3. Just plain, immature loser - as in their whole apartment/house is filled with Star Wars or some other horrible video game craze that wards off any vagina potential
Yes, there are always exceptions to the rules and there are always unique cases, but since those are the MINORITY, I reach for things that have held true in the past with not just myself but other women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Experience has taught me that they have a commitment phobia as they enjoy behaving like they are married,being in a relationship but to have someone live with them is were the non commitment comes in
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Make no mistake about it.... this man has a problem!!!!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 I wouldn't raise any red flags if he hasn't been married or engaged. But I would question it if he hasn't had ANY serious long term relationships. I would be very cautious of moving in with a man who has never lived with someone before, if he is 40+ years old.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Does this 40year old guy read books? The other stuff is unimportant, very easily fixed.. but the book thing is important to me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2012):
My finace has never been married he's 38 and has had only one real gf before me... he's a bit impatient and hard to deal with so it's not about his desire but his inability to compromise in relationships more than anything... we plan to marry this year...
our close couple friends are also LDR age gap folks he's 51 never married...she 38 never married... both deliriously in love having never met the right person before they plan to marry in a few years when they can live in the same city..
I know another man who did not meet the right woman till he was 48....
I truly don't think it's a death knell for a man or woman who is never married at 40
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 February 2012):
 If a person (man or woman) has never married/dated/lived with another there is usually some sort of reason why.
Could be lack of confidence, other family attachments, like taking care of an elderly relative, could be fear of rejection or not wanting to have kids. Could be the person is a confirmed singleton or commitment phobe. Could be nothing at all and just never met the right person.
It might put some people off but not some others.
When people date past 40 they usually have baggage and look for some like minded person who will understand them and what they have been through. Someone whos never dated or been in a commitment might not understand the problems of someone who is divorced or who is a single parent...but of course there are always exceptions to the rule, it's just not the norm for people with vastly different life experiences to get it on.
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