A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday, I took lunch to my boyfriend of 6 months while he was at work. He mentioned catching a 7:30 movie, and that he would talk to me when he got off work. So, I assumed that we had a date, just like every Saturday night. Usually, we go out and then spend the night at his place every Saturday. Then, 7 o'clock rolled around, and I hadn't heard from him. So I texted him and asked if he was staying in tonight. Here's how the conversation went: (I was trying to sound like I wasn't as bothered as I really was)...Him: "I think I am. Almost fell asleep at work."Me: "Oh ok. Have a good night."Him: "I say I think bc you know why. Lol. I don't wanna cuff you up?!?" Me: "What do you mean?"Him: "I don't want you waiting for me is all I'm saying, babe."Me: "Oh ok."Him: "So do you have plans? Or something fun you can do?"Me: "No, not yet. I can try to find something to get into, or just watch a movie I guess."Him: "Did you wanna see me?"Me: "Well of course, but it's cool."Him: "If I get stressed, I will check in with you and come to you, cool?!?" (His mom lives with him and stresses him out).Me: "Ok"I don't really understand what he was saying. Was he blowing me off? Should I feel jilted? Because I do... It's very unlike him to purposely choose not to spend time with me. Plus, I felt annoyed that he cancelled at the last minute, and it was too late to make any other plans. Then later, I was feeling really bothered still, so I sent a text:Me: "So why didn't you wanna hang out tonight? Instead of just assuming, I thought I'd just come out and ask."Him: "Thought I might be tired and my place is cold." (his heat isn't working properly, and it's pretty cold where we are right now)Him again: "You wanna go to a late movie?"Me: "It's fine, I know you gotta work in the morning. Just wanted to find out if I was being jilted or not."Him: "Really. Wow. Come over. Well I plan on seeing a late showing. But ok jilt me then."I ended the conversation because I don't want any pity invites. And I figure, if he truly wanted to see me, he wouldn't have waited until 9:30 at night. A little bit later:Me: "Well goodnight. Stay warm."Him: "Are you going to bed? You seem a little put out. Are you ok?"Me: "I'm ok."Am I overreacting? Should I feel jilted? Am I being completely ridiculous, or am I justified in feeling bad? Honestly, I'm not a needy person, but I think I've gotten so used to spending the majority of our free time together (we both work full time and have one child each), that I feel like he went out of his way not to see me. Did I handle the situation inappropriately? And where do I go from here? I was thinking of just laying low, doing my own thing and letting him make the moves for awhile. Please help!! I really don't want this to ruin an otherwise good relationship...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I agree with everything ChaliceODamnation said.
Even in person, sometimes our partners may not pick up on how we feel. You have a rare gem that hit the nail on the head through a TEXT, and tried to make you feel better right away.
In a relationship... that isnt called pity, it's called caring.
Shouldn't you be worrying about how HE feels after this? cuz in the end, you're the one that jilted him.
I know how you felt... I've felt that way before, but dont let your emotions rule the moment like that when you're being irrational :P
Call him up, see if he wants to hang out next saturday or w/e, if it goes fine... leave it alone... if it seems choppy, bring it up and explain that you overreacted because you felt kind of put-out about him not seeming to want to hang out with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): You lied to him and are playing games. You were not okay and you were not pitied.How does anyone keep you happy if you can't recognize when a man hears you and then says lets fix that and come over and lets spend time together or hit a movie.You should not feel jilted. You are overreacting. YOu made the assumption based on past experiences but without clear communication and making plans together- how can you be offended over something that was not set to happen? Thats premature for sure. Unrealistic even.I say start being clear and direct. Playing it cool did not help and still left you feeling unheard because you weren't honest about feeling jilted. you say stuff like that and he will take it at face value. Then you text back and are upset and tell him what you really feel and guess what?He invited you to spend time with him, go to a late movie but you lied again and said it was fine. Then lied again and said you were okay.He picked up you weren't and you lied about it.Its time to say sorry and be honest about how you feel and tell him thank you for trying to ammend things and you were too prideful to spend time with him.Now you have regret, you are upset, and you missed out spending time with him, which was what you hoped for in the first place.Stop the games.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Hey :) I do the same thing as you! Over react ;) When my bf and I first started dating we went through the same exact thing... Some nights he just wants to chill but feels bad telling me no. He's too nice of a guy :) I would ask him if he wanted to do something on lets say a Sat night and he will text me back an hour later saying " well,, do you ??" I was like, hmmm... then I would say " well, do you?" haha! Then he would say, I didn't eat dinner yet and it's getting late... I got the hint then. He just can't say no! Guys do that sometimes... Just have to learn how to read them. Good to give them space :) When he does want to hang out with him, he will usually text me first or respond quickly :) Play the good old game " hard to get " don't be mean about it but let him wonder where you are. Ps. We both have children of our own as well. I wouldn't worry if I were you :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 I think you over reacted. You got a little bit pissy with him and he noticed.
It was obvious he was tired or maybe just didnt want to go out. He invited you to a late movie, you should have just said yeah lets go, but you didn't get the reaction you wanted so you continued to be pissy with him.
Not a bhuge deal. Call him, act like nothing happened and carry on...because nothing did happen...he just didn't want to go out.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 If this is the first time he chooses to stay in, then it's not big deal. He wants the night to himself but feels obligated to see you, and didn't want to disappoint you. When there are moments you feel left out in the relationship and you wonder where it's going, it's time to review the status of the relationship and see where you both stand. You don't have to meet every single time you are free but sweet talk is what makes the difference. You can tell him you miss him and he probably misses you too. Your connection and your feelings to each other is more important than the rigid routine you must stick to.
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