A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If a girl breaks up with a bloke and stops communication and does not tell him exactly why, is it harassment to continue to write to the girl over email every few days to find out why? I mean if she does not answer, when is it considered harassment? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Did you guys break up at the blow up? If so, she owes you nothing.
Her silence is your answer.
Harassment doesn't have to be angry or threatening, it can also be continuous, bothersome contact.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Her not telling you to stop is her way of telling you to stop. for all you know your emails are being blocked or going to the trash without her even seeing them.
Yes you want closure but you have to accept that her lack of response is your closure. She's done.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Obviously she has nothing to say to you, so all you CAN do it let it go.
You are beating your head on the proverbial brick wall by keep writing to her. She seems a bit immature, and maybe avoidance is her way of dealing with issues.
Let her go. She wasn't a keeper - OBVIOUSLY.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Her not telling you to stop is not the same as you being given a green light to continue emailing her. It should be obvious after a month of sending emails that are a little bit angry and attempting to explain your point of view, its quite clear she isn't interested in communicating with you regardless of whether you view that as rude or not.
If your ex had come here telling us about an ex who kept sending angry emails demanding an answer she would have been told to block your emails and not accept any communication from you.
it sounds to me you are still angry with her, why don't you just accept what is and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone here. Just to give some details. I've been dating a girl and we've had some tense times and then a big blow-up. I apologized the next morning, though it was her fault too. Still i took the high road. But she wont answer me. I wrote her: If you do not want me to ever contact you again tell me and I will stop.
But she just hasnt written. I called once but didnt leave a msg. I have not texted or called again becos of harassment, but I have been sending emails (not threatiening at all but a little angry and mostly just explaining things) and she has not answered. Its been a month. I guess I am gonna have to stop. But its rude for her not to write back IMO. I mean not even to tell me to get out of her life.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Hypothetically if you e-mail someone to ask why they ended a relationship and they do not answer...that is your answer!! (they do not wish to communicate with you further and you do not necessarilly have to know why...only that they do not want to give a reason)
If you continue to ask...and ask...and ask then technically you are harrassing them, because you are forcing (even by a passive continuous e-mail or text)them to respond when they don't want to.
We all need some sort of closure to move on but that closure doesn't always take the form that we want it to. If she messaged you back and said ' You're a jerk, I love someone else or we arn't compatible' are you really going to feel any better?
She may be keeping silent because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings and sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.
Forget her and move on with your life.
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A
male
reader, MRJONES +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I think that it is reasonable to expect an explaination. Howvere i guess there has to be a limit on how many attempts you should make to get this. If you don't receive an answer within a reasonable time (whatever that is) I guess your only hope is that her conscience will one day persuade her to provide you with one.
All the best and I empathise with you..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): I have had emails from somebody like this, I actually blocked his email address.I didnt feel harrassed by him,because of them - just irritated he wouldn't give up,once I had blocked him, that was it.
However phone calls,texts or face to face would have been invasion of my privacy,life,space, I would have reported repeated, unwanted contact.
Sometimes you just don't get closure, you accept and move on
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I wholeheartedly second Aunty BimBim & The Realist's excellent advice.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 February 2012):
It could be viewed as harrassment, especially as we dont know what went wrong in your relationship. There is very little detail in your question, such as how long you had been in a relationship, under what circumstances she broke up with you.
Although I can understand your need to know why, I think you should just drop it.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (24 February 2012):
Harassment is in the eye of the beholder. If she perceives she is being harassed after a situation then she probably is being harassed if the individual continues to do whatever it was or make contact. You can harass someone by walking by them constantly if they've already told you to stop. It is also harassment if you flip someone the bird with your finger, be careful on that one nearly sent me to jail. Also you can verbally harass someone if they are rejecting you or your conversations and you continually try n contact them. Although you only want closure it is a form of harassment and it becomes stalking if u visit so don't. Let her be and move on. The police will not be as gentle about this but it is harassment, any form of unwanted communication that have been made known that it is unwanted but yet continues is harassment. Bill collectors are notorious about it, even if u do have debt they are not allowed to call and ask about it Monday thru Friday when you've told them to stop and given them a day when you'll pay. Harassment doesn't mean physical harm or threatening.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): I don't think it is harassment unless it's threatening or hostile in tone.
if it's merely annoying, then it's just that - annoying, but not harassment.
since you didn't give him an explanation, I would say his behavior is actually normal and acceptable, for now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): If you try to contact her by any method -- text, chat, email, phone calls -- three times and she doesn't answer you, then you're harassing her if you continue, especially if the attempts to contact her are close together (such as every few days). This may not be a legal definition, but it's a moral one.
Basically, if you try to get in touch with her and she keeps ignoring you, then it's creepy and stalkerish for you to continue. Take a hint and break off contact.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): If he is only asking, then no, you can not file harassment for this.
But why don't you explain to him, so he doesn't have to ask? Everyone deserves an explanation.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I would say it becomes harrassment when the messages become threatening or angry in some way. If you are sending messages asking why which I would assume to be in a sad tone then I think it would take many months before anyone would even look into it for harassment. The issue is that it is very easy to cross that line.
I understand that you want to know but after a month or so it would definitetly be time to just let it go.
I hope you get the closure that you need and just remember to keep it polite.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Save emails and report to your local police. Here in Canada a cease contact must be issued and then if you have 10-12 emails, phone messages and texts- take matter to police.
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