A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i was married in 2007 divorced in 2009 my husband fleeced me, tricked me into putting everything in my name - including his business which i hadnt realised was failing, a business load for 25 grand etc and the mortgage - as soon as i split up with him because of his cheating that was it i was left to pay everything on my own he denied everything - i couldnt cope the house was repossed and i was declared bankcrupt as i owed 37 grand not including the house.. he also owed my parents 1.5 thousand whihc they have never got back, i have paid 1500 for the divorce, i pay the bankcruptcy fee every month and will do until 2014 and i also pay may parents board and extra to atleast try to pay some of it back - thats the mess i am in its hard - my fault for being so stupid and trusting, but i am coping - just.. ive been seeing a wonderful guy for 3 months its the first relationship since my divorce.. he knows i have been divorced and that my ex left me high and dry - but do i tell him i am bankcrupt - will he run for the hills - he has a good job (so do i now) and has a house he is renovating - i am scared he'll think i'm too much of a gamble money wise or that i'm even after him for his money??? i adore him he makes me so happy we have such a laugh together and have told each other we love each other, i genuinley do ive never met anyone like him - i doubt he would think that but i am scared incase the fact i am bankcrupt puts him off and my ex has ruined my life all over again?? i dont want my bankcruptcy to out him off ?? please help me xx
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bankrupt, divorce, money, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all, again many thanks for your advice, i told him we had a great chat and he is absolutely fine about it, hes not loaded himself so he now also knows that i dont expect him to pay for everything and we can just go ahead and have fun and enjoy life living within our means, thanks guys xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your lovely responses, its just so annoying i didnt run up the debt on clothes and holidays etc i dont have a wardrobe of designer clothes just a normal girl who was very foolish once.. i have to tell him but i dont want him to be put off, so far its all going well i just dont want to look like a burden.. but theres one thing i'm not maxed out on credit cards and loans now and by the end of 2014 i can start a fresh.. thankyou all i'm sure i'll build up the courage soon xx
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 May 2012):
 I agree with the other aunts...and think you should be admired for working through a very difficult and distressing situation.
Lots of people are bankrupt and for many of them (like you) it isn't really their fault and they are left to sort out rogue ex's debt!!
If you were a spendaholic who was still running up debt of your own making and not sorting it out...well that would be a different thing entirely.
If you like this guy, honesty really is the best policy, but I would write it all down as you have here and show him, so he can see exactly what has happened to you and so you don't have to answer any questions until he knows the whole deal.
He may choose to leave, but he may also see the situation exactly how it is and stay...it's a gamble, but not as much of a gamble as hiding the truth, getting in really deep with him maybe to the point of living together and then discovering the horrific truth.
Tell him now, because he needs to know.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (31 May 2012):
 You just need to be as honest as you can, make sure you explain the whole story and exactly how it happened as well as reassuring him that is your debt and you dont expect him to take it on at all. From the story you told he should be able to see that you didn't get into this situation by foolishness or over spending and he should understand.
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A
male
reader, mwarren  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Youre best bet is to tell the truth,If he is a decent guy he will understand the situation. many people get jammed up and have to go into bankruptcy. Trying to keep something from him is no way of starting a relationship.
2014 is not far off and once its paid off you can start anew.
I would definitely tell him. It shows you are a person of character
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Good on you for sorting yourself out from the mess your pig of an ex husband left you in...
If your new boyfriend really loves you, I'm sure he will be supportive and glad that you trusted him enough to confide in him, (and proud of the way you are handling it all and dealing with it). If he isn't, he really doesn't deserve you.
You've had a tough time by the sound of it, and I'm impressed at how you have handled it. Good on you. You deserve to be happy. x
:-)
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