A
female
age
41-50,
*adybug 1
writes:I need some advice badly. My boyfriend was very sexualy active with me when we got together, we held hand, hugged all the time, kissed all the time. all the things that lovers do, in the begining, but There a side to this, when we got together I was married, and still married. seperated yes. and i have young adults childern. and they wont forgive me. and he knows this, and he feels real bad that they dont want anything to do with me or him. there out on there own, and I moved to new york with him to start a new life. My family are all to busy with there own lifes. and problems. He keeps holding back on his end of our relactionship, because he say's he feels that he is the reason that the family is broken up. and that is not true. and if it wasnt for him my children would still be talking to me. I love my childern very much, and I love him very much. but what about my happyness. having someone to grow old with. I dont really know if that is the truth about why he is keeping his distanst from me, like he doesnt want to hug me, or barely kiss me. it is just a peck, he has never held me, when we were lying in bed, he says he doesnt like to cuddle. or he not mussey at all. and he has only told me once after 6 months that he loves me. and ever since he has not told me any more. and when i ask if he loves me he say no. just likes me a lot. and he is now acting hot and cold. we dont have sex, he doesnt want me to even touch him, like im a stranger, is this because he really dont love me. or is it something else, he been so nasty to me. talks to me like a dog, when things dont go his way, he has a temper, and i think he has A.H.D. but he tells people i am his girlfriend, and he still carrys my picture of me in his walet. and sometime he give's me a little peck in public. or holds my hand for a few minites . also when we first moved to new york. when we had conversations, he would most of the time bring up his past exsperice with things conserning him and his ex-. so I dont know if this has anything to do with his odd behaver. is he in love with someone else. he makes me wonder alot. he has a bad tast in his mouth about woman, he is always saying something neggetive about them, weather there ho's or bitches, and sometimes i feel like he againt me to. I feel that he is a woman hater, he has no childeren or never been married, and only a couple relationship for a short leanth of time, Was i just a thrill of a chase, and now the chaseing is gone, I am not appealing to him any more, does he want to be alone, again to just use woman for sex only. or could he be bisexual. I am such a fun loving caring affected,romantic,easy to get along with, alway thinking of his feeling, first, what makes him happy. It dont take much to make me happy. all his male friends envey him, and said so. would love to have a woman like me. for them selfs. So I have so much to offer. my love, the most to him, why is he so disresctfull to me, puts me down. say crule things. and than can be so nice. buy me things, go places with me. want to spend time with me. I dont get it. help someone. give me advice how to learn if he is in love with me. or not. what signs to look for. I feel like he resents me at times. and than he wants to include me in future idaels. with him. I feel like Im in a roller couster. sorry for such a long letter, thank you for your time. should i stay or go.
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female
reader, ladybug 1 +, writes (1 June 2012):
ladybug 1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou are right I am getting krama.coming back. but my-ex that i left, was a drinker, and would not work, i had to work, to support our children, and he was in and out of jail. many times, we were together for 20yrs. and i never cheated on him, he was at a couple of times on drugs, cocane, and he would give our stuff up to them, because he owed them money,for drugs, and he cheated on me. I had no support from him, he would even take our litte one out, while he was drinking, I have only been in one long long, relationship 20years. and this one for 4years. my ex- never treated me mean and nasty, I know he loved me, but what he was doing was wrong for us and the children, I didnt want my children to grow up with a broken up parents, and when i did leave, my youngist was 21. and now I found some one who has no addictions, and works, and i dont have to worrie if the police is going to knok on my door. but he is not in love with me. you are right. and he want a stupd woman like me to keep taking the bullshit. that i ask for. because i think he is going to open his heart, and let me in, and be in love with me. because there is no one out there like me. Im so hopefully just stuped. went to one bad seed, to another bad seed. thanks for your input.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Your affair relationship has past its sell by date.
You gave up your husband (marriage) AND kids for him. And now you are paying the price.
Love? What love? He's mean and cruel and dispicable to you. You left your life to be with this? He doesn't have sex with You, he's not affectionate with you. He resents you. He's cold. His actions reveal that he barely tolerates you.
What to do? Re evaluate your morals and change your ways. You abandoned your kids for this worthless piece of crap. And now what do you get? Emotional abuse and lonely. Karma? Cheating partner rarely want proper relationships. This man is a typical example of chasing the married one but discarding after the chase.
Yes you destroyed your marriage by cheating but hopefully you can reconnect with your kids. This won't happen while you are with your worthless lover but only you can end it. One good thing that has come out of this mess is that your husband is free of a cheating wife and he can move on and find someone worthy of him.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 You may have much to offer but you are offering it to the wrong person. Quite frankly, I don't even understand how can you think he is in love with you, and what " signs " you are looking for. If he was still in love with you, you would not be writing us this post, because he would ACT like someone in love, - he would desire you sexually, he would not disrespect you or put you down, he would care about your feelings , he would love spending time with you etc.etc. Everything would be clear, simple, and evident , and if you have to dig so hard and decript a lot of code messages to find some hint of love at the bottom of it all, well, then he is obviously not in love, . Love is not a tooth that you have to pull out with pliers.
You may be confused by the fact that at times he is still semi - decent, or even affectionate. But " at times " is never good enough. Someone who loves you, will treat you right constantly- he won't berate you , humiliate you and avoid you most of the time, just to make up with some special,fancy, showy effort once in a blue moon.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Wow don't that just take the biscuit right there!!
My dear you have done what so many women do. You have chased a dream on a whim and it has backfired and subsequently destroyed your life. You have burned your bridges with your family for the selfish hope of your own happiness and now you have discovered that the man you thought you knew...is in fact a monster who doesn't want you.
All these wild things he is telling you are all to make you go away...he wants rid of you this is clear.
My advice would be to move out and go home. You have a hella lot of building to do to bring your children back into your life and it may take years.
Do not give up on your family...this should be your new happiness and your new hope.
I have no idea how you are going to achieve this but going home will be a start.
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