A
female
age
41-50,
*ucky22
writes:Hi all.Thanks for stopping by!! your opinions would be most welcome. I have been with my BF for 16 months, It has been a very hardwork relastionship, as he is moody and has alot on his plate, but I always loved him no matter what, and tried my best to give my all. I have been hurt alot by him over the months and thought about leaving him many , many times. Anyway, recently I have been seriously detaching from him, and I think he can sense it. He invited me over a few days back for food and drinks - we had a nice evening and he was playing really soppy love songs which is very unlike him, and when we had sex he said' No other man can make you this wet'. I did not know how to take that at all? and did now know how to react when he was all over me and playing these love songs. I feel a bit cynical as I don;t know if he is doing this to get me back and trap me and wil lstart playing up and treating me bad again?, or if it is genuine? what to do? I dont; want to get hurt again What do his comments and behaviour mean? Thanks - Lucky 22 Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 June 2012):
 I re read your original post and my darling you have a LOT to be concerned about.
If I look at this as a big picture, it does appear he is controlling, angry and manipulating you and I can almost sense fear in your words.
I understand you are invested to a certain extent and feelings are very hard to control, but your weakness is enabling him to manipulate you and if you arn't strong enough to stand up to him, there are people who can do it for you i.e. the police, the courts, women's shelters.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CMrUo4Guw7ACFSghtAodOxwkkg
I have included this website. there is a number you can call for advice if things get worse.
Abuse doesn't have to be physical, there is emotional abuse and the start of this can be manipulation.
An example would be, you trying to end the relationship and him being verbally abusive, threatening to harm himself or you, sending you abusive texts, calls or voicemail.Being nice one minute and a monster the next. People are not allowed to do that to you.
He is already doing this and you say he has hurt you many many times. Constantly bombarding someone over a prolonged period with moody, off handed or aggressive behaviour can wear that person down so they do not realise that things are getting worse and they are losing control over their choices...it could go that way for you if you stay...I think you have already realised that.
The fact that his attempt to get you back i.e the romantic evening with music that dissolved into lurid sex talk indicates that he is only aware of his needs and not yours.
I think you should stop listening to him and get on with your life...
If he continues to be angry and aggressive...you need to call the police for help.
You are not on earth to put up with this...nobody is.
Let me know how you get on.
xxx
A
female
reader, lucky22 +, writes (10 June 2012):
lucky22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi aunty em. Yes. I must adtmit to being a bit concerned re his anger. He can see i.m breaking free,and is making bitchy comments and being spiteful. I.m not sure what to do really,as he hasn.t done anything. I guess,carry on avoiding. X
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 June 2012):
Any anger, any spitefulness any bad behaviour at all is WRONG!!
If you have a way to escape, you should take it...he sounds like a dangerous desperate person and you could end up hurt...or worse.
You were getting away from him...keep going. If he threatens you or hits you, you need to call the police and ask for help.
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A
female
reader, lucky22 +, writes (1 June 2012):
lucky22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPS - Aunty Em. Is his anger normal? I can;t see where this is going to end.... he;s being v spiteful.x
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A
female
reader, lucky22 +, writes (1 June 2012):
lucky22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes Aunty EM, he is certainly a controlling dirt bag!! and I am finally standing up to him after MANY MONTHS of hardship and being a victim. he is very annoyed and being spiteful as I have got myself back, and is acting pretty nasty. Yes, no more donwtrodden and keeping ME for sex. No way jose. he is playing all sorts of games ot keep me in the loop. eg: dinners, then spitefulness, then being nice, then not answering my calls, then getting desperate for me. he is now telling me he is busy all weekend, I waslike OK COOL, I'm going out!! I can;t see where all this will ned.. but it ain;t pretty!! I can sure tell you that. I am not taking any cack anymore and he is losing it. What to do??? x
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 May 2012):
Good Lord!!!
I actually want to come up there and shake you!!!
Firstly, it does not matter how much you try, how perfect you are, how much you love someone and show it...if they are a controlling dirtbag...they will be that way FOREVER!!!
This guy has hurt you because he's not a good person and he isn't as invested in the emotional side of the relationship as much as you are.
Your own self knows he's wrong for you and you have been trying to get away for a very good reason...so he plays a few nice tunes and makes rather lurid and unromantic statements about sex....and you think thats the green light that all is ok???
C'mon, you really think that is enough to show you how much he cares??? or doesn't it just smack of more manipulation to keep you just where he wants you...downtrodden and available for sex!!!
People do not change (not unless they seek serious psychological intervention and therapy and are made to see the errors they are making...and even then it's questionable)
He has you questioning yourself...you already know there is a problem but you are allowing him to twist things and get under your skin.
I think this is very much a trap and that you should continue to listen to your gut and break free!!
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