A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I just wanted other people's viewpoint on this problem. I have been split from my ex for four years now. He treated me badly, used me for money and cheated on me. It took me a very long time to pick myself back up again after everything he put me through, made worse by him spreading lies about me. Things are made more complicated by the fact that he and my brother in law are vaguely related, and my ex has been invited to my sister's wedding. He treats my brother in law like c**p and they only see each other when my ex wants something. My sis does not want him at the wedding, but my bro in law does. Myself and the rest of the family do not want him there either. I for one will feel very uncomfortable with him being there, but can't see that there's anything that can be done about it (short of putting his invitation in the shredder haha). He's bad news and I don't want to speak to him, or even breathe the same air as him. I just want him to stay right out of our lives because he is scum! Can anyone suggest what I could do? Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): I had a very similar situation last year. My ex husband who was very nasty was invited to my brothers wedding. I begged my brother to not invite him but he wanted him there. I had to pick whether to go or not. I went and it was the most awful experience I have ever suffered. The atmosphere was atrocious, we would not speak to each other and this created rifts at the wedding and at one stage we were forced into the same car as each other. I wish 100% I had stayed away. I cannot believe the bride and groom had a good day either as everyone noticed the incredibly bitter atmosphere and it is still referred to. I explained to my brother at the time that it would be the likely outcome but he was not switched on enough to see what would happen. Personally I would stay away unless you can keep well out of his way. People tend to say it is the bride and grooms day and that is all the matters but the reality is very different and you cannot control anyone's behaviour.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): Well there will be plenty of other people there so just ignore him. Whatever lies he tells it doesn't mean people are going to believe him so leave him to it.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 June 2012):
 If the rest of the family feel the same way as you, I doubt your ex will show his face. Afterall why would someone go somewhere that he knew everyone despised him?
If he does show, you treat him as if you don't know him (I am sure you won't be the only person doing so). You don't have to be mean...just be distant.
We all have to do things we don't like and this is one of those situations...there isn't much you can do and you don't have a say in the matter.
It might be an excellent opportunity to show him how well you are doing and how much you can rise above a difficult situation...
It's only for one day afterall
Turn a negative into a positive!!
(of course if you think it would be too unbearable, then don't go yourself, but I am sure that isn't an option)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): I am sorry but there is nothing you can do, and honestly it is very selfish that your even trying to put your own wants before the groom's. The wedding is about only 2 people the bride and groom. If my fiance came to me saying that he didn't want someone there because of someone in his family didn't want them I would do one of 2 things, agree to exclude them if his family member was also not invited to the wedding, or simply call the whole wedding off. It's not your wedding, it's not about you, and it's not only about your sister or your family, it's also about the groom. I am sorry but you have no say in this, they only thing you have a say in is wether you want to attend, so make up your mind if you love your sister enough to put aside your own feelings for 1 day so you don't cause any problems between her and the man she is marrying. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I truly feel you are being very selfish and self-absorbed. The groom wants him there, end of story, what you or your family want does not matter in the slightest (with the exception of your sister as the bride, but even she has to think of the groom as well) It's not just your sister's wedding, if it was she wouldn't have a husband would she?
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