Red flags all around but girlfriend insists that nothing is wrong

A male age 41-50, *aulG writes:

Hello, I have a big issue and need alot of help. I would like to say thank you for reading this ahead of time as it will quite long but required in order to understand the issue. So, thank you. I have been seeing my gf for 5yrs or so, granted within that time we have certainly had our ups and downs, but the downs started when I lost my job and money got tight. She started talking to a guy that she knew and I had no idea what was going on. She wasn't realy doing anything out of ther ordinary at first. Then I started to notice that she was starting to go do things with her friends more and more. Well eventualy I found out that she had used one of her going out with the girls as an excuse to go sleep with this guy. Once I finaly confronted her, she then told me that she was kicking me out and that he was going to move in the next day. After talking to her about it she told me that it was a mistake and wanted to work things out.So I forgave her, but I still had a trust issue of which I told her that it would take some time in that department and she said that she understood. So for the next year or so everything was going well and I started to trust her again.The next thing I knew she was starting to go out with friends again and adding a lot of people that she went to school with of which I noticed happened to be quite a few single males. Her explaintion was that they were gay and told me not to worry. But of course that raised a red flag to me because I just couldn't believe that all of them were gay. Well at the same time she started to become more cold and distant intimcey became almost nonexsistent. As far as I know she wasn't cheating again but with her being this way again I started seaking people to talk to about it and maybe help understand what was going on. Well I started talking to a female friend that was helping me to understand that I didn't deserve to be treated that way which lead me into her arms. My gf found out about it and was furiouse which would be natural. So, I decided to stay with the other girl, but of course things didn't work out and my ex wanted me back and we would work it out. But during our time apart she had drunken sex with a guy that was in a band that she liked and was helping to promot them on a local venue. Which was not a problem as we were not together. The problem came after she and I got back together again, she kept his phone number and as a friend on her social site. I told her that I had a problem with it but she refused to get rid of him. On my side I took the girl that I was seeing out of my phone and off of my social site, so that my gf would have no doubt as to still have feelings and contact with this other girl. My gf doesn't seem to care because she and him still talk sometimes and she is still actively involved with helping his band get gigs. Last year for her birthday she went to watch them play and I was not invited as it was supposed to be the girls taking her out for her birthday but later found out that one of the girls brought their boyfriend. My girlfriend told me that she couldn't control what others did. Well another red flag for me, but she swears that nothing is going on with him anymore. Now my gf and I have been through 2 tubal births that ruptured. evern since then she has been distant and cold about everything that one could imagine, she has her laptop and cellphone password protected as well as hides her phone gaurding it with her life, which is something that she has done for a long time now. Recently I convenced her to tell me the password to her cell and yes I have checked it. And every time that I have checked it there is always something there that shouldn't be. For instance; I checked it one time and she was texting an ex of hers that she said that she doesn't talk to anymore. But the one of the texts that i read was them telling eachother that they loved one another. I confronted her about my finding, she told me that they were just kidding around and was begging me not to leave. Just recently I found a text of her and the ex band bf talking about that they just hung out and she hoped that they could do it again, this was while she was visiting with her cousin for the weekend. So , againI confronted her about it and the story was that her and her cousin went to the store and bumped into her ex and his gf. My gf still says that nothing is going on that she loves me and doesn't want me to leave but says if that is what I want to do. No crying and doesn't seem to care either way until I start packing, which realy bothers me. Other things that just don't seem to fit is that my gf is now in a weight loss program, more doc appointments for theropy for female probs, dentist app. and generaly just staying very busy. I just don't know what to believe anymore. Can anyone help?

View related questions: cousin, drunk, got back together, her ex, money, my ex, text

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, PaulG  +, writes (1 June 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, PaulG  +, writes (31 May 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 May 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (31 May 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (31 May 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer