A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I wondered if you could share any thoughts on my situation please? My boyfreind cheating on me about three years ago (I know he did as I heard something I shouldnt have) I cannot confirm it with him as he point blank denies it but whilst I was in another room I heard him having some sort of lewd conversation and god knows what else. When I say heard it, it was whispers but you know when you hear something right? I was told I was going mad etc and he maintains to this day I put him through hell accusing him. It made me question whether i did hear it or not hence still together. At that time he wasnt the nicest and we split up. We got back together not long after and I still have this doubt that he wont commit to me because waitin for somethin better yet he swears he loves me. But after 7 and half years you would think if he wanted me for life he would of by now? do you agree? Am I wasting my time ? Im going mad because I thing 'did I hear what I think I did' well yes Im certain but I put it behind us but every now and then it makes me so so angry that 'I out him through ' and Im still dangling thinking Im goin to have a future - it never materialises
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 Its an old saying.
Look at what a man DOES rather than what he SAYS...words are cheap, easily said and soon forgotten...ACTIONS are a direct result of what that person is really thinking and what they really want!!
You know what you heard!!! and he has cheated before. He can tell you a million times that you are going mad and that you are being mean by accusing him...but it does not change what you heard and what you experienced before with him.
I think you know in your heart which way this relationship is going...you cannot trust him and even if he married you tomorrow, he would still cheat.
(My grandfather cheated on my grandmother for the last 11 years of her life. The fact she had raised his 3 kids, kept his house and worked most of her life meant nothing to him. 6 weeks after she died, he moved in with his Mistress...he was a very selfish man but he got exactly what he wanted and did not care that it drove my grandma to an early death)
I think some people are just shitty people. If you choose to be in a relationship with a shitty person then you have to accept the trouble, or get out and find someone else...
What are you going to do?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): You believe what you heard, you can't forget about it and keep throwing it in his face, he's not admitting to anything, what more is there to say? Change needs to be made and the only suitable change I can see is to end things because you're both going to continue in circles otherwise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): "But after 7 and half years you would think if he wanted me for life he would of by now?"
I would think that after seven and a half years YOU would
have finally figured out that he DOESN'T want you for life
and is just stringing you along on false promises and outright lies because you're dumb enough to let him get away with it.
Very difficult for me to have sympathy for women like you who let men walk all over them because "he swears he loves me."
Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES.
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