A
male
age
41-50,
*illyRayValentine
writes:A follow up qustion from a few months ago.My wife's High School Crush and first sex partner from 18 years ago contacted her on Facebook. I posted about this a while back and my question is not about the contact itself between them.But a quick summary of the contact;They basically spent a week privatly emailing each other on Facebook and she eventually sent him a picture of herself in a bikini. He requested at that time that she send him more pictures like that.We had an agreement between each other to not be in contact with ex's. Let alone the flirting and sending sexual photos.So that is the issue we have been working through over the past several months, rebuilding trust.The question I'm asking is I contacted my wife's ex current wife.My reasons were of course out of anger, but also that I would want to know if my spouse was acting like this. My email to his wife basically was this is what occurred on Facebook between your husband and my wife. And while she might not see that as too big of an issue or not, because I do know some couples have no problem being friends on Facebook, the contacting in this case was out of line, and I beleive for good reason.My email to her was basically this:He basically contacted my wife to catch up. It's out of line in my book because he was having sex 18 years ago with my now wife and stringing her along (my wife's words), and she found out at a party that he had a girlfriend all along? Not hersay the ex's wife (then girlfriend) was at the party and was not supposed to be at the party. He basically was caught with the girl he was screwing on the side (my wife) and his girlfriend (now wife) in the same room.My wife however did not have the balls at the time in the moment to call him out on playing her, she just left and he never contacted her again.So why would a guy all these years later who's married the girlfriend and cheating on at the time, contact the girl he was cheating with (that being my wife)??That is my question?I thought maybe out of guilt at first, but that theory was blown up when he never apologies in the emails or ever mentions the incident, and the fact he wanted my wife to send him more pictures of herself in a bikini.That has always been my biggest question with regards to why he made the contact?I never heard from the wife, but the next day he basically emailed me that everything that happend between my wife and him was mutual (I totally agree, but she did not know you had a girlfriend at the time).His email to me never apologized about asking my wife to send him more bikini pictures. Just to leave them alone, it was 18 years ago, they are happy, they have a very loving marriage, and he would die to protect it. That was basically the gist of his email.Received nothing from the wife? Which I suspected unless this was like the 7th girl he's contacted and needed info for divorce proceedings.I did see on the email attachment where she forwarded the email to him with a one line just saying "this has been an interesting morning".So basically why would this guy knowing the past circumstances, his current marriage situation (the same women), contact my wife 18 years later? It's just a side question to all this I'm curious what others think?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 I don't believe for a moment that this guy has been pining for your wife for 18 years. He is more of an opportunist, has hooked up with her on FB (and we all know it's a hotbed for cheating and deception)and the guy has jumped on it, dug up the past and sucked your wife back in.
Maybe he's done it because he's bored with his marriage, maybe because he needs an ego boost and encouraging your wife to send picture in such a covert way must be giving him quite a thrill.
What I wanna know is...If your wife is so happy and in love with you, why has she been conversing with him and responded to his requests for a picture.
If an old friend asked to see a picture of me, I'd be more likely to send a pic of myself and my husband if I was in a happy marriage...not a scantily clad one!!
I see why you approached his wife out of anger and I am sure she is shocked, embarrassed and upset to receive such information. You have no idea what the set up is with their marriage, so it's a little rough on his poor wife, but maybe you did her a favour.
Your wife is an adult and she is answerable for her own actions. Maybe your wife is still in love with this man, that's why she caved in so easily...he, however seems like a chancer, because if he had pined for 18 years...don't you think he would have tried to find her sooner.
Your wife holds 50% of the blame so you should try to find out what her problem with you is, that she ran so easily to the attentions of another man.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Obviously he wanted to get up to some mischief with your wife. And your wife was obviously flattered and acted in a disrespectful (to you) way by replying and sending him pics of herself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): I would be worried about "why" your wife agreed to send a picture of herself in a bikini to this man. I'd be angry. There is something else happening in your marriage for her to chose this course of action and put your marriage at risk. You need to find out what that is. I'd would be talking to her and telling her to defriend this guy on Facebook and to cease all further contact with him if she wants to preserve her marriage with you.
This guy sounds like a player. He is fishing around for some side action. Leave them alone he is saying in your e-mail to you?? E-mail him and tell him to back off and leave your wife and your marriage alone and copy the message to his wife.
She is putting her head in the sand regarding her husband. If my husband was asking for a picture of a woman in a bikini that he had sex with years ago, while I was dating him at the time, I would be over the top and it would not be a pretty sight to hear or witness. Right now she is in denial.
But, you need to have your wife immediately end all contact with this man. If she refuses or if she sneaks around and contacts him in another way, then you need to seriously consider getting counseling for your marriage if you want it to continue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): Dude, I'd be worrying about your own wife not why he keeps on with your wife. She was okay with this behavior of sending pics of herself and didn't think of you. You should be asking questions about your wife, who cares about that guy it's her own relationship she obviously isn't scared to risk. She disrespected you and your marriage, they don't care about your marriage and apparently his wife is being taking for a ride. Now your left to try and fix the mess that your wife made.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): "So why would a guy all these years later who's married the girlfriend and cheating on at the time, contact the girl he was cheating with (that being my wife)??"It sounds to me like this guy never really got over your wife, and is trying to make her the "other woman" once again. He can't possibly be as happy in his marriage as he claims to be, because happily married people don't go look up their old flames, and ask for inappropriate photos of them. (She may not be naked in them, but you can bet he would still use them to masturbate to). Anyway, normal crushes don't last 18 years. It seems more like he's secretly been in love with your wife all this time, and for whatever reason he's just now trying to act on it. He feels he married the wrong woman. Now he's looked her up, and made it clear he still has feelings for her. He may not have come out and directly said so, but the flirting and asking for photos of her are a good enough indication. If you hadn't confronted them, who knows how far it would have gone? "Received nothing from the wife?"My guess as to why she didn't respond to you is because she probably didn't know what to say. It IS a rather bizarre situation. She may also be hurt, and doesn't want to even consider the possibility of her husband still having feelings for the woman he cheated on her with years ago. If it were me, I wouldn't want to think about it, either. No one likes accepting they have been made a fool of.
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