A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel really bad about what I did to my boyfriend. We have been arguing so much throughout our entire relationship, he always thinks I'm cheating.He calls me a slag almost daily when he has no reason to think it. He came to my work shouting at me so we split up. My sister doesn't like him because his ex girlfriend called the police on him to stop him harrassing her. I gave him the benefit of the doubt about that because his ex isn't very pleasant anyway. Well I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding yesterday and the night before he came to my home saying sorry and he wanted to start again. He asked if he could come to the wedding and I said I didn't feel comfortable because my sister would be there and they don't like each other.we had a terrible relationship that everyone knows about and although he's sorry and I wanted o give him another chance I would feel really awkward about him going to the wedding. Well he made me feel bad so I said ok he could come. When he turned up at my hotel I began having second thoughts I didn't want him ruining her wedding if him and my sister created an atmosphere. He travelled quite a long way, I said he could stay at the hotel but I really didn't want him there at the wedding. He said I'm ashamed of him and putting my sister first. I feel really bad about him going all that way and I wouldn't let him go. I don't know what to do to make it up to him. He won't return my calls or anything. I know I shouldn't be with him but on the other hand I've had some of the best times of my life with him, he could be perfect if he wasn't so jealous and paranoid. He's charming, sweet, funny, interesting and intelligent. I wish he could stop being so jealous, I'm in such a mess about him. I feel really bad, do you think I'm really horrible for what I did.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, split up, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (22 September 2012):
Forget about the wedding, the main issue here is why you’re still with him. It’s all well and good to talk about how perfect he would be if he wasn’t jealous and paranoid, but he is all of those things. It achieves nothing when you start trying to be with some-one because of some idealised picture of them you’ve created in your head that simply doesn’t match with the real thing. He’s verbally abusive, has serious trust issues and is manipulative. You’ve already split up with him once, why go back in to something that failed? Sometimes people do try to start again but end up repeating history. Tell him it’s best you go your separate ways, wish him well and then keep your distance.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (22 September 2012):
 I'm sorry but he is emotionally blackmailing you!
So what you put your sister first she is your family!! He calls you a slag daily he's come to your place shouting at you.
He's apologising because he knows he can get away with it you should just leave it he wasn't invited to the wedding as your sister dislikes him and so she should if my sisters boyfriend anyone of them treated her like that i would feel the same.
At the end of the day it was your sisters day you were weary of him causing a scene as he seems to in most part of your relationship, but then seems to try and make it work with you and because you're so accepting to his behaviour he knows he can do it again and again to you and you'll still have him back.
You need to focus on yourself and you deserve a hell of a lot more treatment than he is giving you. I'm sure when you've found that guy who treats you like the princess you need to be you're sister and everyone will love him as much as you do.
You need to understand your sister dislikes him because she sees what he has done to you and what misery he's brought to you.
He's being very childish by ignoring you because he's trying to make it all your fault when it isn't yes he travelled all that way for a wedding he wasn't welcome at or invited too.
He should know that you had your doubts anyways because of his behaviour on numerous occasions and appreciate you were putting your sister first because she's family and cares about you and you about her.
Family is for life guys will come and go.
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 September 2012):
 You are the same age as my oldest daughter. If I knew that my daughters boyfriend called her a slag on a daily basis and manipulated her and controlled her and mistrusted her so horribly I think I'd be inclined to grab my daughter and get her the hell away from him.
I can tell from how you are wording your question that you are full of fear...
Fear of saying the wrong thing
Fear of doing the wrong thing
and fear of losing him.
What the heck has made you so weak and makes you think you deserve to be treated so badly (with a small mount of good times squeezed inbetween) If you saw your friends new husband calling her a slag, do you think that would be ok?
I don't know how old your BF is but he has some very dangerous and disturbing traits and they will NEVER go away. He is lining himself up to become a fully fledged abuser and manipulator and the only good thing about you sticking it out with him is that he will not be able to inflict his horrendously disgusting behaviour on another young woman.
Good luck making a life with him...you are going to need it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Honestly I don't think the guy cares what you think. All the knows is that if he apologize you are BOUND to take him back.
He's an ass and he acts like one and you are considering APOLOGIZING and making it up to him, SERIOUSLY, girl?
You did right in telling him no to the wedding. He wanted to go party - again it wasn't about you. It was about him.
You need to end this, the guy will NOT change. No matter how much you CARE and LOVE him. YOU can NOT fix him.
Stop wasting your time on this fella and this destructive and abusive relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): That's so true I shouldn't even say things like that even the most horrible people have some good things about them. I shouldn't feel at all guilty about it because I was just thinking about my friends wedding in all of this and I knew he probably would of made a scene. I need to get rid of him for good.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 He asked if he could attend the wedding. With his past conduct in mind, you wisely said 'no' but he showed up anyway in hopes that you would feel guilty enough to change your mind.
He claimed he was sorry but immediately reverted back to bad behaviour the minute he heard something he didn't like.
YOU did nothing wrong here. HE is 100% in the wrong. What's more he is a very toxic, destructive person to have in your life. He's had a profound negative effect on you.
And this 'he would be perfect if it weren't for..' is rubbish that can apply to anyone. Hitler would have been perfect if...The Yorkshire Ripper would have been perfect if...Think back to what life was like before he came along, then re-read what you posted.
Do you think your boyfriend is so weak and stupid that you must lower the standard to accomodate him? Do you think he is dumber than everyone else and can't tell the difference between right and wrong?
Get rid of him and quickly. He is a terrible boyfriend and you are getting worse the longer you're with him.
...............................
|
