A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i will ask my question and leave it at that you all know me. im the one who was left for a 24 year old my husband 48. i want to know why he insists on hurting me with his words. i have to pick up my temporary spousal support from him. and everytime i do i hear how broke he is, this time he tells me i cant pay i lost my position. he tells me u are the greatest person i have ever met i love you, you dont understand but i am not sexually attracted to u. if she leaves me (meaning the 24 year old) i cant come back to u, we can just be friends. he knows i still love him i tell him that. he then tells me this past year has been turned upside down for him and he dont know what to do about the whole situation. i cant make heads or tails from him. he wants me to feel sorry for him, he put himself there. is he saying these things because he still cares and is confused, or is it just me? thanks for ur opinions
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): I agree with everything that Bachelor Great Uncle has posted.He wants to keep you confused. He made his choice, now make yours and take him to divorce court and get your spousal support and do not have any further contact with him except through your lawyer.
A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (19 September 2012):
"he wants me to feel sorry for him"He wants to stall the divorce for as long as possible so there is no division of propery based on his actual assets and he doesn't have to pay you alimony based on his actual income. He wants to stall the divorce for as long as possible to prevent gold-digging girlfriend from getting her claws on his assets, which can only happen if he marries her, which he can't as long as he's still legally undivorced from you. Why else would a 24-year-old be shacking up with a 48-year-old? He's stringing you along so you'll think you still have a chance with him precisely so you WON'T hire a lawyer and WON'T go through the courts, therefore effectively stalling the divorce indefinitely. He's probably stringing her along by telling her YOU'RE holding up the divorce, therefore keeping her around with the promise of marriage in the near future, theefore effectively stalling her from dumping him in search of another over-the-hill middle-aged Lothario who can offer a quicker payday. Why else would a 24-year-old be shacking up with a 48-year-old? He doesn't want to be with you, he wants to be with her.He doesn't want to be with you, but he doesn't want to marry her, so he wants to be remain legally undivorced from you.Sorry, but I can't be any clearer.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 I think it's you and I think it's time to let go, lay it down and move on.
You are entitled to support payments because he abandoned you...get legal, fight for what's yours and STOP letting him treat you like a fool.
There is no other solution and by keeping talking to him you are letting yourself get more hurt than you need to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): "i want to know why he insists on hurting me with his words."He knows he can, and you insist on letting him. "he knows i still love him i tell him that.He knows you still love him. Tou don't have to keep telling him. He doesn't love you and he's telling you that. He has been for months. You have to start LISTENING to him. OP, you've been posting for several months, always variations of the same story, always smae advice that you ignore.You need to let him go. He is NOT coming back. NEVER. Unfortunately your husband left you for a much younger woman and I know you're hurting but an the end it doesn't matter why he left nor does it reflect on you personally. He would have done the same to any woman your age. "is he saying these things because he still cares and is confused, or is it just me?"It's just you. It's ONLY you. He hasn't cared for eons and he knows exactly what he wants, and DC readers have been telling you same. LISTEN TO HIM. LISTEN TO US. I politely, respectfully but firmly recommend and emplore that you please please PLEASE seek counselling and make arrangements for him to make support payments through the court, lawyer or other neutral third-party. Best wishes. Until next time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 September 2012):
 yeah he does not want to feel like a bad guy
get yourself a lawyer
get your spousal support court ordered and have it mailed to you or garnished out of his paycheck if he has one.
have a no contact order from your lawyer to him.
have all contact with him through your lawyer.
he wants you to say
"oh poor baby, I still love you and of course we can be friends and btw stop paying me support so you can spend more on your new gal"
He just is trying to make himself feel better.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 He wants to stop paying you without looking or feeling like the bad guy, so he's hinting in hopes you'll volunteer to do without the support.
He's ashamed of being a walking cliche. He feels guilty about the circumstances surrounding the break up but he isn't in love with you anymore. He wants to part ways amicably and know that if this new venture fails he can take comfort in your friendship without you expecting more from him.
He wants to be happy elsewhere but he doesn't want you to be angry with him.
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