A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've known a guy for about two years. He recently got divorced, the marriage was a very hostile and difficult one. He was married for 4 years.We were seeing each other for about 5 months, when he became distance, saying he needs to get his divorce sorted.So a month ago he got back in touch.... we were getting along perfectly. However a week ago I had got annoyed with him for not making time for me. He said he would, but it seemed less likely as he had so many things to do. I just wanted him to be up front about it.So we had a massive bust over text messages. I told him that I will leave him to it, delete any pics he had of me etc. He said Fine. At this point I had calmed down but damage was done. I apologised. Left it for a day.Asked how he was, he said ok. Then has he's been thinking last few days, he likes me and likes spending time with me but isn't looking for a girlfriend who questions the fact why he can't even spend 5 mins with her. He's been through this crap before and doesnt want to go through it again and thats why he's saying we should be friends only. I told him that I was sorry for my out burst, that I would still like to see him, i appreciate that he doesn't want to be in the same position as before. He replied "I UNDERSTAND THAT". I then said that I'm sure he can give me the benefit of the doubt He just replied "SURE". I then acted normal as I didn't want to keep going on../About the pictures... I said did you delete them, he said yes. To which I replied did you want them again. He replied "DON'T THINK THAT'S WISE, DO YOU?". I asked him what he meant. He said "JUST DON'T THINK IT'S SUITABLE RIGHT NOW". I'm confused as to what the current situation is... I don't want to ask him as Im worried he will think im pestering him.Thank you for reading and your time.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 September 2012):
 I think he is being pretty clear.
He is saying that he understands your frustration and your reactions, and he is not mad at you, or upset.
On the other hand, he does not want a girlfriend now ( or, he does not want you as a girlfriend ), because he does not want HAVE to make the effort to spend time with you. Whether it's 5 minutes or 5 days , he does not want to consider making time for you as one of his obligations.
He did not totally burn bridges with you ... because , I think, is not that he dislikes you or that he got sick of you, and if you were available for something very casual, when-it-happens-it-happens, I believe he would not mind.
But, if this is not what you want, ...give him all the space he asks for, in fact give him a very wide berth and
date someone with less " issues ".
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 September 2012):
 I agree. I think he is giving you completely clear information as to what he wants right now...and that is space and freedom.
As OLDBAG said, it's normal for people to want this when they are just out of divorce. It's also normal for people to date leading up to a divorce because it's a confusing time and many think the only way they can escape a marriage is to 'hitch' onto another person (like a security blanket)...once the divorce is through the mist clears and people suddenly decide they need time and space to find themselves, so only the strongest of relationships survive this period.
I also don't think you have done anything wrong and I can feel your frustration and urgency to get things back to how they were...the thing is you have just chosen the worst time to get tough with him about not spending time with you...because his instinct is telling him to get away!!
He has made it plain as day that he has changed his mind about having a girlfriend right now, so there isn't really anything you can do to change that. Stay friends if you can bear it and resist the urge to push him further about a relationship...or...let him go and find someone else to date.
I also agree that you should resist being the fall-back girl. It's so easy for people to accept this as a substitute for a proper relationship because they think the other person will change their mind eventually and a normal relationship can be had...This is mostly never the case and the person just ends up being used and left when he decides to date other people.
You are not in an enviable position but you can save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted time by accepting what he has told you, accepting that you don't want to be messed around and treated badly...and walk away with your head held high and get on with your life.
He isn't a villain...what has happened is just human nature and it happens A LOT. Don't be a cling on...let him go.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 September 2012):
 Hi
I think most men who are going through divorce or are recently divorced, prefer to remain single for a while. Women do too. You get your head straight,emotions in line,then look to see whats next in your life, and who.
He probably does like you, but by not keeping or wanting more of your photos he is telling you your a friend now.I dont know if his divorce is complete, could be he doesn't want you dragged into it. Its hard to say.
He definately wants his space though and freedom to do as he pleases. Dont be his fall-back girl, don't wait for him, don't apologise anymore either,you did nothing wrong.
Get back out there and circulate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2012): What's there to be confused about? He is saying loud and clear that he has changed his mind and no longer wants to be in a romantic exclusive relationship with you. You remind him of his ex by your behavior.
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