A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it strange that the only way i can contact/speak to my boyfriend in the evenings is via facebook? We've been together for 4 years. I dont think he is cheating but i dont understand it. When he gets home from work, he puts his phone away and doesn't check it until the next morning and tells me if i want to get in touch with him to do it on facebook. If i text him, i wont get a response until the next day. I hope it doesn't happen, but if there is an emergency, i wont be able to get hold of him in a hurry. He doesn't have a job that has people calling his phone (actually never), just a few close friends that would text. We only see each other on the weekends, which is why i think it is important to have some sort of conversation during the week.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2012):
 How far away are you OP? Sounds to me like he might be a bit lazy in the relationship and coasting…
Ya know if he finds his time and contact with you NOT relaxing (as implied by his reason for not wanting to talk to you when he’s home) then I’m not sure what he thinks relaxing is?
And then, if you don’t’ reply to him ASAP, he gets an attitude? But YOU must be what he needs and wants 24/7?
Is this a fair and balanced relationship?
A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (27 September 2012):
Are you listed "In a relationship with...." or just "In a relationship" because to me that could mean he's also "In a relationship" with other girls and telling them the same story. It sounds very odd, if you dont think he's cheating, then i have to ask if you were only asking the question because you can only contact him through social networking? Is there no bit of you that's suspicious about his behaviour? I'm sorry but to be with someone for 4 years and only see each other on weekends and contact through facebook is not only a red flag but a deal breaker. I hope you find out whats going on but if it were me i'd be looking for someone who wanted to spend time with me and take the time to communicate to me without facebook.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Thanks for the replies. We are listed as "in a relationship" on fb and i have some of his friends on my fb. I do know his family too. I dont think he is cheating ( he lives at home). We r considering moving in togrther soon but i dont know how it will go. He usually stays over from fri night to sun but very rarely would he come over diring tje week. Since i got my own place i dont get invited up to hos often. He thinks i am too far away. When ive asked before he says he wants to relax. He will text a frw times during work If he can. But recently he texted me in the morning and i was at an appointmet and because i didnt respond toHim straight away ( i took about am hour) he got snooty about it amd saying i wasnt talking to him amd tjat i must be upTo something. I brought up the fact that in tje evening i dontHear from him or get replies etc and he just said i put my phone away when i get home. I still dont know why. He doesnt get called constantly. And now, ive slowly stopped sending amy texts in tje evening as i know they wont be seen until morning. He haa now complained about that!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 He's probably talking to his "other" girlfriend(s)on his telephone and doesn't want to have to explain an unidentified incoming call to that girlfriend (or: wife)...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Just curious...does he have his relationship status on FB as 'in a relationship with you'? and have you met any of his friends or family?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Hi
Have to agree its very odd.Four years of dating and your not able to call him let alone see him, in the week?
Both his and your lives should be an open book by now.What would happen if you were married, would he live elsewhere Mon-Fri..In fact the relationship is more like the early dating days when you first meet not an established going somewhere one.
Definately time to talk..ask questions and get some answers too
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 After 4 years only seeing each other on the weekend is odd in itself, unless maybe you are long distance, which is the only excuse. As kc said, if he turned off his phone to relax in the evening then he wouldn't be sitting on Facebook either.... It's definitely not right. Cheating is a very good possibility. Tell him you want to talk more during the week, actual phone chats not email or texting or fb, that you will feel closer and it will be better for the relationship. See what happens when you really push it. After 4 years you really should be talking far more than only the weekend.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Yes it is odd, my partner hates phones immensely but if he goes out with his friends he's always got his phone with him to let me know he's ok or if anything happens. If i travel somewhere far he will keep his phone on as well so i can let him know once i've arrived safely and of course if anything bad has happened i know i can get hold of him.
You should definitely speak with him because as you've said what if there is an emergency he won't find out for a very long time if that's the case. He need's to understand that there can be a number where something may happen (touch wood it doesn't ) you'll need to be able to get hold of him should you need his help.
Has this become a recent event of just being able to contact via facebook?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Seriously odd!
I have 3 numbers where I can reach my hubby is he is not at home, his cell, his office and the staff duty desk - they can usually track him down if I can't.
Have you ASKED him how you are supposed to get hold of him in an emergency?
I understand that he turns his phone off when he gets home from work, but not picking up while at work seems weird - unless he is a doctor.
Does he text anyone else? At all?
So after 4 years together you don't live together and only see each other on week-ends NEVER on week nights?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 I think this is definitely cause for concern. I don't really understand how you can be in a relationship with someone for four years and be completely out of contact all week? I agree with the others, I would be suspicious if I was you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): He's not only not your boyfriend, you don't even qualify as pen pals.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2012):
I'd be way more concerned than you are.
After 4 years together you should have the ability to have constant contact in my book (of course if I was with anyone longer than 2 years I've married them)...
I think he's hiding something... (oh so sorry to put that bug in your ear and I hope I'm wrong but something is fishy to me if this is new behavior especially)
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Yes it is a bit odd! If it was the whole 'wanting to relax after work' thing, then he wouldnt want to go on a computer either. So it is very strange why he will talk to you on a computer, but not through a phone.
Tell him you find it weird and you want to be able to have a conversation over the phone (a voice call not texts) a couple of times during the week, as this is beneficial in long distance relationships. See what he says - if he starts making excuses I would be worried if I were you!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Very strange. Do you see yourself doing this for the next 5 years down the road? That's the question you need to ask yourself.
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