A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for around three months and up until now everything has been perfect. We fell in love pretty much at first sight and it's been so intense. But something happened at the beach which might not sound that bad but made me feel terrible. Maybe because it's such an unexpected thing when everything was really great.Basically we'd been to this beach cafe for breakfast and were having a really cool walk. So then my boyfriend says he needs the loo, and we've just walked up this cliff and I'm out if breath, so I say I'll wait here, see you in a minute.Then I was looking out to see, beautiful view etc, dreaming nice daydreams about us etc...v happy...Then thought I would look for my boyfriend as he was not back yet. I went up to the toilet block and it was all padlocked up. So I didn't know where he was. I thought he must have gone back to the cafe to use their loo instead. So I headed back over that way. When I saw him I waved and put my arms out for a big hug, and then everything went so weird.He said, "do you know your minutes are 30 times longer than anyone else's?"I said, what? And he repeated that question. I said I thought he was in the other block and he said he had been waiting in the cold for the last half hour. I said sorry, but you knew where I wad, you could come and find me, but he wouldn't accept it and demanded an apology.I said no I'm not apologising if you speak to me like that. Then wegot in the car but he demanded to be let out of the car. So I let him get out and drove off. Then I felt bad and went back and picked him up but he was still really pissy, saying I'd been ages and he'd been just about to head into the pub.I was mortified. Is it just a lover's tiff? I'm so not used to it as we have been really happy and I don't know what's gone wrong. It makes me see him totally different now like I don't even know g I'm. Help! How can I make things get back to normal? What caused this?
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 December 2012):
 There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. People who stay together for years have rows and disagreements, snip at eachother and can be downright unreasonable...but they usually work it out, forgive eachother and get on with it.
You have known this guy 3 months. I am sure he's been Mr Perfect because he is trying to impress you and show his good side but nobody can keep that up forever and maybe now he is feeling that sometimes you do annoy him and he is letting you know.
So it was a misunderstanding, so he had his view and you had yours and it got into a spat...It's kind of a test that you can have a squabble and get over it rather than be devestated and over analyse the situation until you drive yourself nuts.
Only time will tell if this guy is really for you. Falling in love at first sight is all very well and romantic but it is not an indication of a perfect and trouble free relationship and anyone that thinks it is must be deluded.
Years ago, you'd meet a guy and he'd miss you all week and call you up on a wednesday to make a date for saturday night. You didn't stalk him on facebook, agonise if he didn't reply immediately to your text or analyse why he chose to only put one 'x' instead of three!!!
People had the time and space to get to know eachother properly and any girl who jumped into bed too soon with a bloke was thought of as a 'tart'. We learned to negotiate our relationships and to compromise but now if the guy isn't absolutely PERFECT, we toss them out.
We are creating a generation of unflexible people, who stand so rigid in their views of perfection that anything that deviates from their ideal utterly cuts them to shreds!!!
There are no guarantees in life...most relationships fail because people are ill equipped emotionally to negotiate problems and cannot tell the difference between a lovers tiff and a full blow deception.
What caused your argument?
He was pissed off that you moved and he had to wait 30 minutes for you. You were looking for him and it all got a bit silly. He isn't perfect, you arn't perfect....GET OVER IT!!!
If you can't move foward from that then you are truly doomed!!!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 Not normal. A normal reaction would be "Sorry we missed each other. We must be running in opposite directions trying to find each other. The bathroom was locked so I went to .... instead." He should have been looking for you. Where he went to pee I don't know. It's a man's instinct to protect the woman, making sure she is safe. He sounds like a complainer. It's really not a big deal and he let that ruin your little vacation. My rationale is that he went away, it could be anywhere, so he should be the one looking for you. He couldn't just assume you knew where he was. If he found the bathroom locked, he should have come back to you and bring you somewhere else, together. He is no good in communication and way too angry about basically nothing.
This is not a perfect relationship as you had imagined. I see it as a red flag and that you will encounter other examples like this if you continue to date him.
You are in shock because normally people don't act like this and now you are doubting your judgment. Also you had something wonderful together you hate to think that he's not the one, still. I am older than you. Every time I date a guy I hoped, please let him be the one but so far I haven't found the one. Don't let him get away with this. He should be the one apologizing but I don't think he sees the wrong in himself.
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