A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago after being together for 2 years. We were each other's first serious loves and relationship. We both agree and know we're not right for each other as the people we are right now, but we still love each other very much and enjoy each other's company as we are best friends. The problem is, what do we do from here? How do we handle our situation, especially if we're still attracted to each other? Can you really just be friends with someone you still love and will probably love for a long time?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2012):
 I'm in agreement that ex-partners can't be just friends.
You can be friendly and civil if you need to be in situations.
But you can't be friends and there is no need for you to be friends.
if you still both have deep feelings for each other it won't work.
It's best to just walk away as soon as you can and pretend that it's not a friendship Because seriously it's not.
it's two people who don't want to accept that they made a mistake trying to make it seem like less of a mistake by pretending to remain friends.
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (17 December 2012):
 if you just love each other as people than try for friendship but if you or he is still "in love" then do NOT do this. It will cause horrible pain that is unnecessary. No contact will solve this but only if you two really know you are not right for eachother
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A
female
reader, annette1974 +, writes (17 December 2012):
I had this happen and so I know what your story is!:) I still speak to my first love after 20 years and we still say I love you!:) I moved away to college and he stayed back in our home town! I did not have another boyfriend until about 4 years later and I hated every girl he went out with after me for a while! Hum! I am not making this sound easy; am I? That's because it is not easy! You have to either get back together eventually or be really really careful how you go about this! Feelings will get REALLY hurt and you are used to being the most important people in each other's lives and this will kill both of you when you see the other one dating someone else! Spending time together will just prolong the growing process that you both need to go through! I would suggest that you both go three months without speaking to each other or seeing each other:) I bet you won't last a month and you will be back together! If you don't miss each other; you will know your break up was for the best!:) This is coming from a 38 year old! I have been through this exact scenario a few times and staying friends too soon after the break up was a horrible idea! One person will suffer inevitably when the other one meets someone new! It is the worst feeling in the world!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 I also don't think it's a good idea to remain friends with an ex that you still love.
It's easy to say, 'yes stay friends but don't get emotionally involved' if you love someone that's almost impossible to do.
There is also the added issue of how you will cope if they move on with someone else who doesn't approve of your 'friendship' or if they drop you because they love someone else...it's pain you don't need.
Whilst your feelings for eachother are still raw, it's probably best to not see eachother and give eachother time to heal and stabilise emotionally. Being in such close proximity can cause tension and anxiety that you seriously do not need.
Maybe in years to come when you have both moved on, you can be friends then, but right now, you need to leave eachother alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): personally i really dont belive in the concept of remain goodfriends after a relationship. will be always feelings involved and probably sooner than you think you may end up being fwb while dating other people. i have always said exes ar exes for a reason. its your call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): No. Absolutely not. You cannot be just friends when you have feelings for each other. It doesn't matter what the reason is. If there are still feelings there, it could get complicated to carry on a platonic friendship. Maybe if you both give each other a lot of time and space and have both moved on and come together again after a lot of time has passed and you have both had time to heal and move forward in life, this could work.But if you try to remain just friends, old habits do die hard. You will both be jealous if a new partner comes into the picture even if you do try to remain neutral. Our heart has this way of thinking on its own, despite what our head is telling us. You would end up resenting each other because you are seeing other people and trying to pretend the feelings aren't there when they really are. It will still hurt when someone else enters the picture and what if one of you gets serious with another partner? How would you handle that? Not very well I am sure.It is very difficult to be just friends for someone you have feelings for even if you convince yourself otherwise. In time, a very long time, once you have truly moved on, it may be possible but for now, I don't think it is. It is a very big challenge being friends with someone you were involved with. Trust me. You would start to resent each other because you will still have feelings lingering and are not together. Even if it is by choice. If your ex means something to you, you must distance yourself and let yourselves heal. I also think that being "friends" is a way of holding onto the relationship, and not truly giving up on it. It is a way of keeping them in your life, with the hope that they will always be there waiting in the background. You can never truly move on if you do not let go completely. That means no friendship, at least not for the near future. I believe if you are serious about moving on, you need no contact right now.Honestly, a friendship will only complicate things for you. You have to choose to cut the ties for now. If you have feelings for each other, you will never be able to move on and find the one who is right for each of you. You will always be holding onto each other and leave no room for anyone else to come into your lives.Really be honest about your intentions and why you feel a need to be friends.It will be less complicated if you do not maintain a platonic friendship with someone you love. Honestly you will start to resent them. I tried to be friends with someone I was seeing and he started dating someone else. I tried and tried to be his friend but all the while he was getting closer to her. And despite the fact I told myself I could handle it, it was killing me inside that he was moving on and there I was hoping he would still care about me. I finally decided to walk away. Because my feelings always left me wanting more than what he could give me.You have to be prepared for the consequences. Have your eyes wide open and be honest with yourself about why you need to still be friends with someone who you have said is not right for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): If you are looking to continue a friendship with this man then give him space respect his choices and honestly be a friend. Yes, I beleive that you can make it work if both of you want it to. Take it one day at a time and remember that you are no longer his girlfriend so dont get your feelings to involved in what hes doing. I think these are key ways to build a lasting friendship.
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