A
female
age
41-50,
*egan333
writes:I am married with 3 children. The youngest is 9 months old and the oldest is 3 1/2. My husband is contacting women on Craigslist and emailing them with the intent of having sex with them while he is at work. He has sent pictures of his genitals and of himself and even used his real name! 5 months ago I confronted my husband about his cyber cheating and threatened to leave. I made it very clear how upset it made me but I didn't leave because of the kids. I am currently on parental leave and don't want to return to the job I had. I am looking for a new job and have not decided yet if I will leave. I do not love him anymore but I have been pretending just so I can get by. He has not stopped. After I confronted him, he told the girl he had been caught and moved the conversation to another email account that he thought I did not know about. Because he was not going to cut off this relationship, I sent the girl an email and she ceased communications. When he realized that I knew about this email account, he opened up another one, this one I do not have access to and continued. I know this because I posted my own ad and he responded to it and tried to arrange for sex. I verified details to be sure it was him. I know I cannot trust him and I want to leave, I am only here for the kids and because of my own lack of financial stability. Once the money part is solved, as it will be soon, I will only be struggling with what is best for the kids. I am always angry and it makes me feel sick everytime he says "I love you", which he does constantly. I don't want to be anywhere near him and I am tired of pretending everything is ok when it is not. How do I cope until I am ready to leave?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): You seem to have married a sex addict. Untrustworthy. Unhealthy.
Do you have family for support? Be it to talk to? To help you out for when you need alone time? Also, please seek a local FREE walk in counselling clinic. In Edmonton, the UofA has such a clinic as do most Canadian cities. Access that ASAP as they have access to many useful programs that can aid you with a divorce/seperation agreement process, child care, other funding agencies as well.
Also you may qualify for financial assistance. I would fill in an housing application ASAP too.
Start taking money and putting into your own personal savings account. It still deemed both of your money, but you will need it for a down payment and first few months rent.
Also, as soon as you separate, apply to legal aid and have a lawyer assigned to aid you with filing for child support ASAP. A judgement can be renedered regardless if Separation Agreement is in place.
Hope this was of help to you.
All The Best and Stay Strong.
I'm a Single Mother of 5 children and there is DEFINITELY Love & Romance after Separation/Divorce. Just hang in there.
*Hugs*
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (21 December 2012):
I dont know the laws in Canada, but in the US, you will have a very tough time proving infidelity when to this point he has not touched another woman. You bring a case of "cyber cheating" to a US judge and you'll likely be laughed out of court.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): I had the exact same situation happen with my girlfriend (trying to cheat on Craigslist). I confronted her and she had the same response, "I love you, I haven't actually met anyone, you just don't love me enough so it made me look elsewhere." I just have to say thank God we were never married with kids, etc. I tried to believe her and make things work and it was honestly only a few more weeks before the shit hit the fan.
I moved out and into my own place and started over. There's plenty of other fish in the sea. You sound like a wonderful person and please go stay with family or friends right now until you find a new job. They will certainly be able to help you until you get your feet on the ground. He is a piece of crap and you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Hi
He needs to leave the house, you and the children need a home, he has to pay for it.Also empty the joint account if theres anything in it
He seems to think you need him around so will tolerate this behaviour.
See a lawyer ASAP,take all the evidence of his activities you can.Time to fight back.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): the best way to cope is to leave NOW and then figure out the rest. Right now you are saying first I'll get the finances straightened out THEN I'll leave. No. you need to reverse that order of priorities. FIRST you will leave THEN you will sort out the finances and other stuff.
move in with family or friends for a few months. I'm sure they will understand if you tell them the reason. It's not like they won't eventually find out you're leaving him. You can pay them back for your share of rent/utilities in the future when you have a new job and alimony payments coming in.
Sell all of his stuff on ebay to make some cash.
definitely get a lawyer ASAP to figure out how to get as much child support and alimony from his as possible. The proof of his cheating will probably help a lot here.
as long as you continue living with him 'pretending' (why would you even pretend anything anymore?) you're making it harder for yourself to function so you're just delaying how long it will take to get your finances sorted out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 December 2012):
 First step would definitely be an attorney/lawyer and go from there.
What a piece of scum and I'm sorry.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 December 2012):
 have you spoken to an attorney yet?
do you have family that you can stay with?
does he know he's being left?
when my first husband and I decided to divorce he moved into the spare room and we lived that way for a few months... then he moved out and I moved in with my parents for a short while till I found an apartment. I got decent child support and I got alimony as I was a SAHM for two kids... once I found a job the alimony stopped.
I'd stop pretending. I'd tell him, "stop saying you love me it's disgusting and it's not true" and he will try to say he does and then you can tell him "no you are a liar and a cheater and I want nothing to do with you"
watch your joint accounts with him however he may start moving money....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Telling you he loves you whilst he knows you know about him trawling for sex...hmmm no wonder you want to leave.
If you have to wait for finances to be sorted, there is nothing to stop you planning, saving some cash, looking at alternative housing and speaking to close family who may be able to help you.
I am assuming that you have evidence of his cheating...saved e-mails? you may need hard evidence when you divorce him.
Does he know he is about to lose his family? seems he doesn't care much.
You may have to pretend for a while longer so it gives you more time to get firm arrangments in place.
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