A
male
age
41-50,
*urting33
writes:hi there I am 33 years old man and I have been married for 4 years now but been together for 10 years and we also do not have sex my wife treats this like a job. half a year into being married I started having an affair with a woman but only for fun to start with and it lasted for 3 years we fell in love with eachother because we just connected and the world was much more beautiful now that I had her love but she fell pregnant and had a little girl my little girl and I did not want that I have kids with my wife so I asked her to have an abortion but she could not do it so we fell apart and I was back to being with my controlling wife agen no affection now understanding no fun she only thinks about herself and she is very bad tempered. so 3 weeks of not seeing the other woman we both contacted eachother and we had to start seeing eachother agen sharing moments with our child and eachother it was amazing she is my one love my light in the darkness my kiss in the rain!!!! so any way being in her arms of love then going back to my wife and kids each day she grow impatient and she told me she loves me and will be there for me what ever comes our way but I have to split from my wife to be with her properly! !! so I tried to tell my wife but could not I think it was fear because she is crazy and because I love my kids so I told the woman I could not do this any more and she told me if I don't tell her she will.so I told my wife and she broke down and begged me not to leve her and for some stupid reson I stayed and broke it of with the other women!! :-( for 3months I tryed to make it work with my wife but all I could think about was the other woman and my love for her and her love for me and it hurt so bad not seeing her till I contacted her agen and told her I loved her still and needed her so we started seeing eachother agen and it was like nothing had happend we where mad deep in love but soon agen I broke it of because I could not leve my wife. I have not contacted this woman for 8months now and I have not seen my little girl because my wife will not alow it she tells me if I talk to her or see her then I will never see my kids!!! :-( so I have tried to forget the affair and work at my marrige but my wife is not this woman and she does not love me like the other woman I try hard every day to make things better but it just does not seem to be ever good enough for my wife she just treat s me like she owns me!!! I have nothing even with my family round me I feel lost and alone in the dark agen I cry some days and want to die because I still love this other woman she is my soul mate and I hurt her so much and I no I did and that eats at my soul each day to no I have done this to her when all she did is love me. I miss our little girl to I think about her every day my heart and body and mind is lost to both of them please tell me what I do how do I fix this. I want to kiss her agen in the rain!!!!! I need help Im lost without her!!!!!!
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (30 December 2012):
I agree, divorce your wife. I don't blame her for being upset but you both deserve better.
She can't prevent your kids from seeing you, the law is there for a reason. Tell her you don't feel she cares about you and it's time for the two of you to go your own way and be happy. Tell her your kids mean the world to you so you'll be there for them.
Don't bother getting back with the other lady, you've probably lost your chance with her until you're actually divorced.
When you're divorced contact her and hope she takes you back. If she's your soul mate then she will. But don't cheat on her too!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): You had your chance and you blew it...you could of left your wife but you didn't, so it was obvious that you didn't love the other woman enough....just lust..sad thing is, you cant see your little girl but that's the price you had to pay for having an affair...you wanted your cake and eat it.
If this other woman really loves you and you do love her then you will have to leave your wife, you cant have it both ways, it's not fair on both of them...stop dithering and man up!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 December 2012):
 The only way to fix it is to admit your marriage is over, divorce your wife and pay her child support.
You live in the UK, she cannot stop you seeing your children, even men in prison are alloed to see their cildren, so go to the court to ask for access.
In order for you to have the life you want, there willbe things you will have to do even if you do not want to, but by doing things the right way, you have more chance of getting out of this mess.
You need to leave your wife with a fair monetary settlement so your children won't suffer and you will most likely have to pay all the expenses for the divorce.
If you choose to just go between one woman and the other for the rest of your life, then you deserve all the trouble you are having.
You made this mess and you can clean it up, but you have to be honest and do it the right and legal way.
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