A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been w my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I made the mistake in spoiling him and now I feel like the only thing he wants from me is material things. We haven't been intimate in over a year and I'm lucky enough to see him once a month. I love him soooo much but I don't feel like he feels the same way, what do I do, signed miserable!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2012):
 I agree with everyone else.
if you only see him once a month and there is no sex then he is NOT a boyfriend.
IF all he does is show up and take things from you or what you give him, then he's a user and NOT a boyfriend.
Sadly he is not going to change and this is no longer a real relationship.
It's going to be hard for you to leave because two years is a long time to have a fantasy that it's a real relationship and you have to let go of that first.
So the first thing to do... (let's do this in stages)
STOP calling him
STOP texting him
STOP contacting him at all.
WHEN he calls and asks to SEE YOU... that's fine... you can see him... just DO NOT buy him anything, do not cook dinner for him, do not buy dinner for him, do NOT give him anything.
AND make sure he knows that he will be getting NOTHING of material value at this meeting. IN fact, make him take YOU out.
I doubt he will.... and then you will have your answer.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 If you haven't been intimate in over a year, and you only see him once a month at most ( I suppose when he needs to get material things from you ? ), then he is not your boyfriend . Stop with the donations altogether , you'll probably see him disappear- but it won't make nearly any difference with the current situation, and you'll save your money ( and dignity ).
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 Honestly, I think the time for talking has long past. You haven't been intimate in over a year and you see him no more than once a month. I'm guessing this is not a long distance arrangement or you'd have said so in your original post. This man is not your boyfriend and hasn't been for some time.
I have to agree with your own conclusion about his motives.
This is not what you want to hear, I know and I'm sorry to have to say it. I suspect you already knew this which is why you;ve been providing him with material things. They were bribes, not signs of affection. You know you can get over this guy if you give yourself the chance. It will hurt for a while, but it really does get easier.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 December 2012):
If this isn't an LDR than I'm sorry to say that your relationship ship is already over. I don't throw around "he's using you" but he clearly is not interested in having more.
Do yourself a favor: don't let your natural fear of rejection prevent you from using your best judgement.
This guy could be married for all you know.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (30 December 2012):
If you feel he's using you then he is because I feel he's using you also. Find a man that will love you as much as you love him. Sounds like you have been giving and giving for the whole 2 years and nothing in return but it took you 2 year to see the light that were shining all the time.
This guy doesn't give a heck about you and he only comes around once a month just to get what he can out of you, it was never a relationship from the start and who knows how many other women supplying his wants so maybe it takes him a month to make his rounds not trying to be rude but something is going on with him and I feel that you are not the only woman he has.
I don't understand how you love this man sooo much and haven been intimate in over a year.
I would forget about him and move on. You deserve better.
If he was a real man he wouldn't be taking from you. After December 31st he would never never hear from me again so make that your New year's Resolution to cut all contact, I wouldn't answer the phone or open my door to him.
Wish you luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2012):
 How do you have such a relationship? I mean how do you tolerate it? What do YOU get out of it?
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (30 December 2012):
 What kind.of relationship is this. Its one sided.I call it buying but there's no sex. Some facts are left out apparently. Does he know you two are even dating in a relationship. If not that explains it all. Let him know tonight and post back in here what he thought and what he says about you two.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 December 2012):
 Have you spoken to him about why you arn't having sex anymore? and why you only see him once a month?
It seems like you are the only one left actually in the relationship...you and your feelings of love...and where is he?
Sometimes things are over a long time before we realise and when one person chooses to let things slide, it's hard for the other person to keep things going.
You need to find out whether he is still committed to you, because it sounds like he no longer is.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 December 2012):
 You only see each other once a month AND you don't have sex? It sounds like this relationship is already over. You need to talk to him and find out what's going on, but I don't think he even wants to try.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): Could you give a little more detail? Is this a LDR or is he in the same city? I don't want to tell you the wrong thing without a little mode clarity.
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