A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 and a half years about 4 months ago. I had felt that he didnt have enough respect for me. we had almost no sex life and he didnt want to marry me , which i had come to terms with over a few months. however, i was shocked at his reaction when we broke. He cried and begged for me to give him another chance that he knew he wasnt treating me as well as i deserved and that he would marry me tomorrow if he could. he said he was depressed an needed to see a therapist to get back on form. I said no to getting back together and that was it. I started seeing somebody soon after that i had secretly fancied for a while but obviously didnt do anything about because i was still with my ex. The thing is that I woke up this morning feeling very sad, did i make the wrong decision by not giving him a second chance? I am going away on a holiday in three weeks with the new man but I'm feeling regret. is it fear? Four of my friends got engaged this week, and although it sort of upset me, i know i would have been worse if myself and the ex had still been together and hearing all this happy news. He was in a dream i had last night and im afraid that this is why i am sad?Apart from the sadness - im really angry with him ... even though i was the one that broke up with him. I feel like i should email him and tell him all the resins im angry and hurt and upset. but i know from his friends that he is heartbroken and i should leave it at no contact for awhile. Meanwhile, i do really like this new guy. we get along well, the sex is ah-mazing, and im looking forward to the holiday. Im just confused by my sadness. also, if things ended with the new guy, i might have to change gyms - after making lots of new friends. he is a trainer there. but i dont want to end things with him. and i dont want to get back with my ex, but i feel like i may have made a mistake. Is it fear of ending up alone. do i miss his company? We were like friends as opposed to lovers really. im so confused... :-(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): it is very frightening leaving a relationship of 7 years, be proud you wont put up with being taken for granted and wanting to be treated like you deserve to be! life is too short for that, you probably should have left him sooner,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): It is normal to feel the way you do. It has been so soon since the break up, only 4 months.
I suspect a large part of the reason you feel guilty is because you started seeing someone else so soon after your break up. It appears as though you left your ex for another guy. You already had the other guy to fall back on which may have been a big part of your decision to end things with your ex. Had he not been in the picture and you had still broken up with your ex, you may not feel so guilty at the moment. Deep down in a way, you may not be ready for a new relationship, you are still grieving the end of your last relationship. Jumping into a new relationship isn't giving you the time you need to recover from your break up. At the same time, you felt so unfulfilled and deprived in your last relationship that I can understand why you jumped at the opportunity to be involved with someone else who is giving you what your ex wouldn't.
I can't tell you if you made the right decision or not. Obviously your ex must have had great qualities which is why I assume you were with him for 7 years. But at the same time, it sounds like things were going downhill. While I think it was a good thing to break up with your boyfriend at least to clear your head and to give him a wake up call, I do not, however, think it was a good idea for you to jump into another relationship so soon. If this other guy hadn't been in the picture, would you still have broken up with your ex? If your answer is no, then that is where your guilt lies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): Don't second guess yourself. I gave my ex boyfriend too many chances & each time it lead to the same disappointment.
I knew he never ask me to marry him & even if we would live together everything would be on his terms.
If you went back to you ex things might be better for a short period of time, but it would go back to the way it was.
Give this new guy a chance, he might be the one.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 December 2012):
 Life is full of regrets but deep down, I think you know you made the right decision.
It's all well and good him saying he would marry you AFTER you broke up, so why didn't he do it before??
People say stuff in desperation all the time if they think it will get them what they want. Your ex had you for seven years, thats a very large part of your life so of course there will be confusion and sadness when things end...but it doesn't mean you have to take him back or that things will be different.
Fate has taken you in a new direction and if but for this sad dream, you would be happy with things to look foward to...embrace the future, embrace your life with the new guy and all the excitement that brings (but maybe take it a bit slower)...forget the ex, you have grieved his loss and now it's up to him to grieve for you...that's life!!!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 December 2012):
 No you did not make the wrong decision. If his love only stems from fear of losing you then that love won't last long. You could be married and he would fall into same patterns sooner or later. Allow yourself time to know the new guy. Don't jump into marriage just because your friends are engaged.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (29 December 2012):
 HI
You obviously lost that loving feeling a while ago, which is why you have moved on quickly....some would say too quickly , you need real time to grieve over your lost relationship. However feeling sadness now because you are moving on is quite common, you almost feel like your cheating , but your not. Only you can make the choice of giving your ex another chance, was he always this way with you? or was it a recent thing? has he lost a job, or a relative? cause these things can put a strain on the best of relationships. If you feel you gave your relationship the best chance and it still never worked then maybe it has ran its course and it's time to let go. Just be careful to take things slow with the new guy, I do feel personally that going on holiday with him is a bit soon, but that is just my opinion. I hope it all works out for you.
Mandy x
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