A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok... I'm just wanting some opinions. Last year for our first Christmas, my boyfriend bought me some electronics. such as a DVD player and a Nintendo wii. (which was nice of him.) I know it was the thought that counts, I am more of a romantic person and for our first Christmas together, I was a little bit disappointed. When he had asked me this year what I would like? I was honest with him and told him maybe a pretty necklace or bracelet. Something meaningful and personal from him to me. Well, Earlier this month for my Christmas present, he bought me a really cool cell phone (that I needed) He wanted to get me something else for Christmas and I told him no. He spent over $200.00 US on a phone on me already... So on his own, he asked my daughter to come with him to pick out some jewelery for me. (I couldn't help but to be excited !) When they got back my daughter had mentioned that he basically gave her money and she picked out something for me from her...Why do I feel hurt? We got into a argument about it. I told him that I was disappointed because it didn't come from him. He says that I said to him "not to get me anything." ( so the jewelery is coming from my daughter)What do you guys think?? Did I give mixed signals? Or does he just not "get me".... Thanks
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (7 July 2013):
 The thing is... you ARE selfish. You can deny it all day long, but the only reason that you're actually apologizing is so that you can save some face and you realized that you no longer have him around your finger.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 I am in the same age bracket as yourself, but I guess I must have had a tough upbringing. From as long as I can remember, I received gifts of all types at Christmas, some I wanted, many I didn't, but I was always very grateful. Grateful that someone took the time and made the effort to buy me something (with their own hard earned cash) that they believed I would like.
The meaning of giving gifts seems to have been lost over the last couple of decades.
If you want a specific item, he may as well just give you the money and you can get it yourself.
It makes me sad to see such an ungrateful attitude, but you are not alone. No you should not be upset for receiving a present. How can you be?
There is no MIXED signal from you. You are basically telling him that you value the retail price of an item over the gift itself. That really does sound selfish to me I'm afraid.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): it's unfathomable to me to get mad at someone because they gave you a gift, and it was what you had said you wanted. That's the definition of crazy-making. Maybe that's why he's ignoring your apology now. He is freaked out by your crazy-making and doesn't trust anything you say anymore.
To answer the question that's the title of your post: No, you shouldn't be upset at your Christmas present. In fact, you shouldn't be upset at ANY christmas present, since no one is obligated to give you gifts! You should be grateful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Wow, no good deed goes unpunished as far as you're concerned. I think you're being selfish, unreasonable, spoilt and entitled! Your boyfriend spent a huge amount of money on you. And he got you what you said you wanted. And yet you find a way to reject it and play the victim. The fact that you even started an argument with him about this is pretty shallow of you. And let's not forget this is his SECOND CHRISTMAS GIFT to you already, after he had already spent $200 on a cell phone for you. And yes you did send mixed signals. last year he gave you a gift that came from his heart (the electronics, because that's what he 's familiar with.) but you were disappointed. Fine, he saw you were unhappy with his 'gift from his heart' instead you're more materialistic. So he asked you what you wanted this year and you said at first that you wanted jewellery. Then you said you wanted nothing. So he decides to get you something ANYWAY and have it be the jewellery, which is what you said you wanted, and now you're upset at him and you started an argument.To be upset about this is just silly. But to go so far as to argue with him about it is even worse since this is a GIFT for goodness sake!! You are not entitled to gifts!! To create conflict with someone who was only trying to give you what you said you wanted, is shallow and selfish. You owe him an apology, you were totally in the wrong. You need to change your attitude because if you keep this up you're going to drive him away by your lack of appreciation for him and continuing to put him in no-win situations.If you have apologized and he isn't responding, well tough. You did this. You just need to accept this.
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female
reader, xAx +, writes (20 December 2012):
 His daughter is part of what makes him, him. And obviously she's very special to her hence he thought it would be a great idea. An argument over something like this i think is very silly. I think you're overreacting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): I think you are daft.
You have a boyfriend who LISTENED to you and then when you TOLD him to NOT get you anything else- he STILL listened and respected your input/request but was clever enough to get your daughter to buy you something thoughtful and meaningful.
You KNOW who was behind this very beautiful, touching moment. Instead of seeing the positive and being thankful, grateful- you CHOSE to take offense and MAKE IT into something he should be critized for. Why are you set on ruining a loving, tender moment? Why are you chosing to be arumentative and fault finding? Do you think if you continue to be so; you may stand losing a very good man?
Not all men just 'get' how to be for someone. It takes years for a man and woman to establish a strong, loving, working friendship and love for one another.
Its sad to read you feel justified when you should humble yourself, be accountable for what you say and do, and be grateful when the man that loves you, shows the ways he does.
You need to respect his nature- he likes to give practical gifts.
Also, to aid my Fiance in shopping, I make him a card of what my favourite colours are, what perfumes I enjoy, book wish lists, what my top sizes are for the specific stores I like, my dress size, shoes size even, make up items that are my staples, such as nude/pink/neutral lipglosses, mascara, socks and other household items I may need. He knows he should not feel pressured to get me all items and He KNOWS no matter what he gets me, I am THANKFUL for his time and thought.
Christmas is NOT about the materialism that is evident. Its about celebrating life, love, family and remembering to have a heart of kindness for all those we meet. At least that is what I was taught by my loving parents.
I'm just grateful to have my health, my family, my best friend in my life to love and laugh with, and food on my table.
Let your man simmer. YOu must have hurt him deeply that a simple I'm sorry doesn't always cut it. You need to make it up to him be it giving him a foot rub or his favourite meal.
Perhaps even humbling yourself enough to say, what can I do to make things right again? Then do it.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 I'm not sure why you're upset about your Christmas presents, he got you some really nice items.
I can understand being a little upset if it's not exactly what you want. Due to a mix-up, I'm not getting what I really wanted for Christmas...but picked out something else that's really nice and I need. You have a right to be a little upset over it, but don't dwell on it.
I'd show also start showing him a little more appreciation than you have. Apparently, you haven't shown him enough.
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female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (20 December 2012):
I think you should apologise for more than just giving mixed signals. Your reaction was unreasonable, rude and very ungrateful! If I was your partner, I'd have probably taken the gift back! He tried to be nice to you, do something really romantic and you threw it back at him. He probably feels very hurt, probably even used. You need to make it up to him, explain properly that you're sorry, but understand that it will take time to earn his forgiveness. Perhaps you should learn to be a bit more grateful, and not so rude and selfish. You actually are lucky, appreciate what you have.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 My boyfriend got me socks and pepper spray last year, despite having a lot of money. Your boyfriend sounds amazing and those presents are amazing. You told him not to get you anything and he got the jewelry from his daughter, which is very thoughtful and cute of him.
I think you should give one more heartfelt apology and then give him some space.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Give him some time to recover from your behaviour. You have apologised but maybe he wants to make you squirm a little, since you were being really unreasonable.
Maybe do something thoughful for him and make a fuss of him to 'show' you are really sorry.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 December 2012):
So, if he doesnt get you EXACTLY what you want, then you should be upset about it?
Sounds like the guy is generous and practical, and a lot of women would love to be with a guy like that. All I know is if I were him and I found out you were complaining about your gifts like this, Id be sure next year someone else would be getting my Christmas presents.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so last night I realized that I was in the wrong. I went into the bedroom and apologized and told him that I was sorry for giving him mixed signals... He is ignoring me today. I don't know what else I can do? I am not selfish and do appreciate everything that he has done for me. I feel terrible.
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (20 December 2012):
It sounds like you're being extremely selfish and are about what people get you instead of just loving the fact that he went out of his way anyway... Be appreciative of what you have, or walk away and let him find someone else that will appreciate him for his efforts.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): He sounds generous and practical...two great qualities in a man! Trailing around the shops behind your daughter while she chose the jewelry she thought you would like, paying for it and probably getting a warm glow thinking you would love it...WAS him being romantic.
He obviously wasnt confident enough to shop for you after disappointing you last year, wanted to get it right this time and thought having your daughter pick what you like was a stellar idea!
He might not get you because you gave him a mixed signal by saying you didnt want anything else. Then you were excited by the thought of another present. Then you were angry with him for letting your daughter choose it. If he gets too nervous about trying to please you, eventually he will give up altogether and that would be a shame.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Men think that when you say something like "dont get me anything for Christmas" you mean it - they dont understand that some women have double meanings for what they say.
Saying "I dont want anything else for Christmas" means he wont get you anything else, with men they will take what you say at face value. If you were lying and were secretly hoping he was going to get you something else, then its your own fault to be honest, just be honest and dont try and double bluff him.
It was really lovely that he took it upon himself to take your daughter out to make sure she got you something special, that was his money he spent and he didnt have to do that. I'm sure your daughter gets pocket money so she could have paid for a present herself, but instead he was good enough to pay for it himself so she got you something really nice.
I think you need to learn that men dont understand women language, they think you mean what you say - so if you dont mean what you are about to say dont say it! When he offered to get you another present, if you wanted one you should have said yes.
This is not his fault and it was a bit out of order for you to have an argument with him about it, he simply did as you asked. Some men are not particularly romantic, it sounds like he is one of those men - but if there are enough other good qualities I'm sure you can get used to it and appreciate him for his other qualities.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 December 2012):
I think it showed amazing thought that he still bought you jewellry but allowed your daughter to pick it...because you said NOT to buy you anything for Christmas.
If he had bought you 'nothing' for Christmas, would you have been happy?...I doubt it.
As my mother would have said, 'There are children starving in the world and people dying in wars...stop mythering and get on with it'
You are really lucky to have a boyfriend like that, but anymore picking and critisizing might make him dump you, so I'd go easy and start being grateful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): He just didn't know what to pick out! That is why he asked your daughter to do it. He wasn't shirking his responsibility, he just was completely CLUELESS and wants you to be happy so figured your daughter would make an appropriate choice.
Look, its real simple: you have got to TRAIN men with certain things (gift giving, etc). They don't know. So next time, go with him to buy the gift you want. That way he will see what stores you like, he'll see what kind of style you lean towards, where to find it/buy it.
Last year for my birthday I wanted jewelry. It was my first year with my boyfriend so he took me out to brunch and then we went to Tiffany, I chose the store obviously he didn't have a clue, and I chose a necklace for myself, he watched as I did and then he bought it. If in the future he should ever want to get me anything without my help he will know more or less what to do and where to go and what I like. See? It's that easy.
You have to SHOW them and kinda train them. So next time, plan it a little better so you don't end up with an xbox. Good luck. And happy holidays!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Hi, I agree with Old bag he did get you what you wanted. Also he let your daughter feel important and that her opinion matters.
You should appologise and appreciate the gesture before he thinks you are one of those woman that can never be pleased. Its the thought that counts and in his case he has done more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Ur being a nag. If this terrific guy finds out how big of a nag u r I can only wonder how much long after that this relationship will last.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Hi
Most would be over the moon if a boyfriend was this generous.You did tell him not to get you anything else, after the very expensive phone,so he didn't, he just paid for it,so it was his way of buying the present you had asked for without it actually being from him,plus your daughter would know what to pick for you.
He merely did as you told him didn't he?.
I get and give my presents on christmas morning, they are a total surprise,it also saves all this angst.I don't care what I get really so maybe I am not the best person to answer this!
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