A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. Just two weeks ago I ended a relationship with a man I had deep feelings for. He was not willing to commit to me. He and I were seeing each other for a year but he broke it off and started seeing someone else. All the while, he continued to flirt with me and tell me he loves me and that I am the girl he will be with someday when he decides he is ready. He told me he was not happy with her, that it was not a serious relationship, just fun and games and all the usual stuff to keep me reeled in. He wanted to have his cake and eat it. Because when I started dating another guy, he would get really mad and ignore me. It was okay for him to date, but not for me. Now I hear he plans to marry her. Funny how he appears to be so serious but always minimized her importance in his life to me by never mentioning her, downplaying her, keeping her a secret, flirting with me and sharing an intimate friendship with me behind her back...The situation began to take a toll on me emotionally. I kept hanging around, listening to what he said, allowing him to string me along and fool me with his words and actions. What was I waiting around for? He was still with her. He was not with me. No matter what I did or said, he did not choose me and probably never would. He made me feel good. I was going through a tough time and he gave me an escape with all the attention he gave me. We laughed together and had fun. The attraction was really strong between us and there was a great connection. It seemed everything was right.But obviously the relationship was not as perfect as I thought...I kept asking myself what did I do wrong? Why was I not good enough? Pretty enough? But I can see now that the problem lies with him, not me.So, I finally decided I was worth more and did not need the emotional trauma in my life. I told him I care about him but that I could not do this to myself anymore, that I need to walk away. I wished him well, told him he deserved happiness because he was a good person. I even sent him a Christmas card and gift certificate. He texted me and wished me well but his text was cold, unfeeling and to the point. No "I will miss you" nor "please give another chance", nor "I made a mistake, you are the one". Nothing. That hurt me so much. As if I did not go through enough, he went ahead and UNFRIENDED me on Facebook. Just like that. Not even a second thought. Like I never mattered to him all along. I just cannot believe he went out of his way to do this to me? I would never have done that to him. That was the last nail in the coffin, straight through my heart. Hope it made him feel better. After all is said and done, I can't believe he ended it this way. Being so cold and unfeeling. I told him how I felt, was kind and honest and even wished him well and he treated me this way. I felt I had to walk away. But sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing..If he really cared, would he not come back into my life? Would he have unfriended me or treated me this way in the first place?I am having a hard time moving on from it. Everyday is a struggle because he meant so much to me. The fact he is no longer there is killing me. I miss him terribly. I just wonder how to move on and stop feeling this deep pain and depression where I am crying at all hours, feel like the world has ended, want nothing to do with friends or family or everyday life.This is my very first true broken heart. :(
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (29 December 2012):
 Its to shall pass. When I was in this situation it was the same he wants commitment he plays the dog. Some time timing is wrong even when both people love each other you just wont will not and can't be together. There could be so many issues fears incompatibilities. Look at it as a time when you can play and date reinvent yourself love yourself it will attract many.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 December 2012):
 You did right in not waiting around for him. What you need to do now is block him from your entire life, stop the flirting and talking.. It's NOT helping you move on.
Whether he treats her right or not, should mean nothing to you. Other then feel assured that he really ISN'T the good guy you thought he was. If he down plays her and treats her this way, so you think he'd be any kinder to you?
Let him go. Throw him back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): You should never have sent him the Christmas card and gift card. You were playing a game just as much as he was. That is not what people who want to move on with their lives do.
He deleted you to protect himself and his future wife from the truth coming out.
I think you owe it to yourself to move on and forget about him. He is worthless and selfish. I'd do the girl a favor and send her a note or facebook msg telling her how he fooled her too before they she makes a mistake and marries him.
He's just not even worth another thought or tear from you. You're too good for him.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 December 2012):
 I am sorry you are feeling this way and it wa sad that your relationship ended but really it was for the best as from what you have said, it seems there were many many problems that could not be fixed.
The fact that he foound someone else quickly is a poke in the ribs for you, but think about it logically. All the while he was courting her, he was carrying on with you (and you knew it)and telling you she wasn't important...what kind of a husband is he really going to make??...rather her than you dear, because her life is not going to be that great...thankfully you have been spared.
The only mistake you made was hanging on for too long to something that was never going to work, but who could blame you when he was dangling himself in your face!!!
I know you think you have lost the man of your dreams, but write down all the negatives...was he really so perfect?...or are you just feeling a bit lonely and dejected?
It is harsh to go through break up...I guess thats why its the most popular choice of song subject...because it's painful, all consuming and suffocating...but to say it's never ending is just NOT the truth.
You just need more time, no contact with the ex and no sneaking or peeking into his life. Rise above it, there is NOTHING you need to know about his future and he has no right to know about yours. He was once a stranger and will become so again.
You know he isn't coming back but you are torturing yourself, unjustly, with his memory and what good will that do you?
Give yourself time to heal, reconcile your grief and love yourself again...then gets your butt back out there and get busy.
Don't wallow any longer than you absolutely have to, because life is too short, and when you are 40, 50 or 60...you will realise you wasted your life crying over the wrong one!!!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 December 2012):
 I don't think you titled your own question. He walked away first.
Your self worth belongs to you and only, what the other person does not change who you are. There is a part of you that no one could take away, and that's your dignity. When a man has no concern for your well being you should cut off contact, forever. There is nothing worse than a man who acts single when he is in a relationship, and while unattached expects you to be in a relationship with him. He was playing games with you, but you enabled him and stayed in the game.
He is not a good person and does not deserve your friendship, or even another thought. He has shown his true colors, and that he only thinks about himself. You missed the good times you had, and not the actual person, because the real him is a selfish person who lies and twists his words whenever it suits the situation.
Is this your true first relationship? I can tell you, this is not what a normal relationship should be. What you had was an illusion. There are many caring, decent men in the world and he wasn't. Allow yourself to feel anything, and know that it will pass in time. Few people can relate to the pain you have, especially at this time of the year, but small animals are very soothing. Also try a sauna or a hot tub.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): I know what you are going through, I'm going thru something very similar. I ended my relationship because he couldn't commit, there was no talk of a future, I was told not to expect a ring for Christmas.
I know its hard & it hurts, but you deserve better than this man. It's been about two weeks for me too, but I know I did the right thing & the pain will go away.
Stay strong & know you're not alone.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (29 December 2012):
HI .Anonymouse.WELL DONE YOU.You were more then justfied to walk away from this man.He is a man that is selfish and has no reaL FEELINGS FOR ANYONE BUT HIMSELF.Try and be strong and dont take him back.He is allready doing the same with his new girlfriend as he did with you.Remember you will be treated the way you allow youself be treated.YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS SORT OF TREATMENT I wish you well and i hope that in the not to distance future that you will meet someone special that will treat you with respect and love.Best Wishes.Nora B.
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