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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I met these 2 girls at a pub last Saturday night. AndI was about to leave and they ask me to come join them. Both girls ended up loving me!! Both really really cute too. The one, I was thinking wanted to be exclusive. She even gave me her phone number with in 3 minutes of talking to her. We had so much in common it was uncanny. Well anyways I was texting quite a bit with her, and they both added me to facebook. The one that I was interested in, kept liking my status updates and some of my pics. I was texting her a lot on Wednesday and had plans to meet up with them yesterday.I got off work and met them at the bowling alley, I thought it would be cool to surprise my date and say "hey" beside her/kind of behind her. Well she freaked out and jumped up, she seemed so anxious. I remember reading once never approach a girl from behind, but in this case I thought it was ok, considering we were texting and had hung out before. Also her and her sister seemed so keen on me, so I didn't think much of it.After that our date was a total sh1t pile. She couldn't even be comfortable with me at all. She wouldn't talk. Poor body language. Just total awkwardness. I stayed for about an hour and ejected, feeling like dung. She hasn't texted me and hasn't liked any of my facebook statuses. She also "unliked" my status saying "I have misletoe throughout my house, wanna come over to my house?"Today in misery about this, I went out and talked to 6 woman. What I did today was develop an Opener and talk to woman about this. I referred as it happened to my "Friend". What I was saying was this.....Me: "Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something"Girl "Okkk!"Me: "if you went on a second date with a guy, and he came up beside you and surprised/startled you that he was there, would you lose attraction for him?"Out of six girls, four said no. One said maybe, depending on how much they knew each other and one said yes it's creepy. What I noticed that woman I was attracted too, based on personality alone, laid back fun attitude always said no. Oh well, I guess live and learn.What's your take on this? Is she just super insecure? Or was I the complete a-hole for surprising her?I would like to text her and say I am sorry. But whats the point? If she has lost all attraction for me and doesnt like me like that anymore, I figure I should just move on.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 I concur with Aunty Em. After all, as you say, all you did was approaching her from behind and saying " hey " ! . In a public, well lit place ( bowling alley ). It was a prank, - childish , but harmless. She might have had a jolt for half a second, but then, if she is an average person and not a nervous wreck, or an OCDer, she will have forgotten about it in a matter of moments .
OP, it is hard for you to accept that she might have changed her mind, but people do. And that's what they bother to date, because they know that a good first vibe is not terribly reliable , they want to see if the good vibe is confirmed by following contacts. IF this did not happen in your case ( if,... because she might have just been in a bad mood or worried for her own reasons ) it's higly unlikely that it was JUST because of the little scare you gave her.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 I still think you are putting too much emphasis on the whole scareing thing. I think it was a simple case of her not fancying you the second time she saw you...it happens to everyone at some time in their life and women who claim they love you within the first three minutes of meeting you are probably best avoided...I am sure you want to find someone a bit more sincere, rather than someone who is all over you one minute and drops you the next?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAuntyEm, that's not what happened. The first night we hung out, she loved me and gave me her number within 3 minutes of meeting. Her sister too thought I was awesome. Then the second date, I came up behind her and then scared her.
I disagree that a man my age shouldn't let something like that bother them. Why wouldn't it? Do you think good men want to go out and scare woman? Of course not!! Its ridiculous to say that "You seem really bothered which is unusual for a man your age, most mature blokes would just brush it off", We are supposed to be protectors of woman. Protectors of loved ones. That is a fundamental part of a mans self image. A good man. So to think, that I scared her so much, that she cant feel safe around me, how do you think a man would feel about that?
I don't let a lot of things bother me. In fact that is one of the things they complimented me on, because I am very non reactive.
And over zealous? How would you know?? All I did was come up behind her and said "Hey"!
I agree that maybe she decided that she wasnt interested, but considering our conversations the night before, its hard to say.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 December 2012):
I agree that she maybe over reacted a bit to you 'surprising' her, but maybe when she saw you for the second time she realised she didn't fancy you and so the date was a disaster and she's decided to not contact you again.
You seem really bothered which is unusual for a man your age, most mature blokes would just brush it off, still, you obviously had a back up plan by going out and chatting up another 6 ladies!!!
Maybe try not to rush in too quick next time, a lot of women find the over zealous approach rather off putting and yes!...a bit creepy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, I texted her right after this and apologized. She explained that she was like acting that, because she a bit shy and wanting everyone to have a good time. Personally, I think she was a bit shocked. She seemed to accept it readily. Thank God! I really like this girl, despite whatever happens. I just wanted her to know, that I wasn't trying to make her feel uncomfortable.
Now I even seem to like her more. She seems ok with me now. Thanks everyone. :)
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (29 December 2012):
Some people hate being scared. My wife is like that. I don't think it makes you creepy.
It also could be that she was drunk the time you clicked so well and sober when you guys had no fun.
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