A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why didn't he commit to me and kids? My ex and I have 2 young children together.we.recently broke up in January. We had only just began living together as a family as he had lived with his mum prior to this, she passed away and left him her home. He moved in with me and our children in my rented home. He then decided to sell her home, he never got a huge amount of money but enough to get us on the property ladder. He then decides he is going to buy and flat and gets a small mortgage for this. I was devastated as is hoped we.were going.to buy.a family home. We argued and split up. He has now got.his flat and moving in, but recently he has tried to.get me to resume a relationship suggesting we could have sleep overs etc, I've told him no as I wanted us to be a proper family, he enjoys his sociol life and have little trust in him as I know he has other female contacts who he flirt with, after we.split.he started befriending his ex. How do I.make him see this OS pointless and that.we should.just.accept its over.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): "Why didn't he commit to me and kids?"
Why did you have kids with a guy whom hadn't already committed to you? As you may probably now be aware if you weren't previously, having children together is a lifetime commitment in and of itself.
"I was devastated as is hoped we.were going.to buy.a family home."
How could "we" buy a "family home" when he is not related to you by marriage, blood or adoption?
"I wanted us to be a proper family"
If you "wanted us to be a proper family," then why didn't you get married first BEFORE having kids? That's a proper family, when every member of a household is legally related to every other member upon each member's arrival.
"No mum, dad and the kids for this guy, he wants the single life and sex with me on the side!"
You should have realized the obvious before you let him knock you up a second time while he was still living with his mother, if not the first. This isn't a sudden change in behavior, this is the person whom he is, was, and always will be. Unrealistic to expect him to magically transform into a mature responsible adult just because he's now a sperm donor twice over and his mother's dead. Any guy with a working dick can make a baby, finding a suitable father for one's children in order to achieve one's stated goal of living as a "proper" family requires "proper" thought and consideration.
Prepare for life as an unmarried mother raising two small children on her own with minimal contribution (if any) from deadbeat absentee loser sperm donor.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 The only one who needs to be convinced that it's over is YOU!!! HE, obviously, doesn't give a hoot about you and/or the two kids that you and he spawned.....
Give up on him and get on with your life....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): Well now he has his own place he can have the children, his children, at the weekends can't he, at the very least every 2nd weekend.
First...Get child support and access sorted out as soon as possible, he has the finance to buy somewhere to live so he can support his children and their home too.Get yourself a damn good solicitor and legal aid.
Let him have his freedom, but not by leaving you high and dry.
You need to be able to say NO to any suggestion of sex or sleep-overs. He has made his bed,now he has to lie in it.
Look forward now,look after you and the children.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 March 2012):
 Selfish selfish behaviour!!
I am so sorry you have gone through this. This man has had kids with you and was quite happy to share a home with you until his mum died. Then he saw the opportunity to have a life on his own and he took it!! He is keeping you on the side so that he doesn't have to be lonely whilst he finds someone new (sorry but it's true).
He will never choose a life with you and the kids because he has already had a chance to make you all into a proper family and he decided it wasn't for him.
You need to get your business head on. Is he paying the correct amount of child support? If he isn't, you need to pursue this as your children are entitled to that money. Now he has 'assets' he will find it very difficult to avoid paying.
Focus on a life for you and your children because he isnt coming back. Don't beat yourself up over what happened because really it was not your fault, he has just done what millions of men do each year...abandon their families for the sake of a bit of skirt!!
Keep your chin up, go for the financial jugular and don't look back.
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