A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for a few months and his interest level dropped for some reason a little. He still asked me out but it wasn't the same. I picked up the book "He's just not that into you" and I read parts of it everyday. I am believing that this is the case in my situation. the last time he asked me out I had plans so I said no and I have not heard from him since. I also have not contacted him. I feel as though I want to and I kind of want to be open and talk to him about where we stand and if there was some sort of misunderdstanding somewhere downt the line because things were going so well and then it changed. The book I think says to just back off and just admit he is not that into if he is not calling you and jsut let it be. Is that what I should do or should I talk to him about it and how I feel? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 I agree with worldlywise, if he is still on a dating site then he is still looking. He has you in the net my dear but that doesn't make you a keeper and you most likely arn't the one for him or he would be pursuing you much more vigourously.
Men are very insecure and cannot be on their own. They need a constant reassurance that someone finds them attractive or wants them but they only return the favour if they really are 'into' that girl and want to be with her. It's really rough on women because they form emotional attachments very early on when they meet someone and this can cause confusion if the man isn't reciprocating the attention.
Most men will see the giving of sexual favours too early as a sign that you probably arn't that choosy or respectful of yourself and that makes you 'undesirable' but 'useful' for a quick ego boost or time filler if they are bored or feel lonely.
I know this appears very unfait...and it is, but it is a pattern that has been repeated over and over again and there arn't many of us that haven't fallen into this particular trap at sometime in our lives.
Realise that he really 'Isn't into you' and that you need to cut the contact and move on.
Even though you are in your 30's there is still no reason to become too sexual, too soon with a prospective partner. Acting in this way damages women, whatever age they may be and you lose nothing by waiting and holding back for a while to see how that man pursues you.
Old fashioned?...maybe...but time honoured and tried and tested.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): If you see him all the time on a dating site then his options are open, he's dating a few.
As you are also on the dating site he probably assumes you are doing the same thing.
It doesn't sound promising - after your update.And as you still haven't heard from him then he's not that interested
I would move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe had been out a few times and the only physical thing I did with him was me giving him oral sex. I regretted doing this but took the approach of not bringing it up. I noticed the contact decreased from his end after that. But it did not stop. We went out again. He never tried to use me or anything. Not sure what he is thinking. I can call him or text him..which one do you think I should do? I know that he will not ignore me..and emy gut says he won't. He never tries to be physical with me too much like throughout the night when we go out he is not touchy feely. At the end of the night he gives me alonjg goodnight kiss. SO I get confused if he really likes me or doesn't . This is where I am confused if he was into me he would keep calling. I mean guys pursue..I know that....they don't just give up like this. But maybe he is thinking something I don't know? Maybe there is a misunderstanding. I also see him all the time on the dating website.
...............................
A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (20 March 2012):
 It's a toss-up, but I think three months is a long enough time that you deserve some sort of "let's be friends" speech instead of just no contact from him. How many times did you go out? Ever do anything sexual? If you went out frequently or had sex with this guy, I would say contact him once. Call and if you get the voicemail, leave a message. If he doesn't respond, then of course, there's your answer. If he answers, just have a light-hearted conversation, like "Hey! How've you been? Haven't talked to you in a while"... Just something very unassuming. That way, you can gauge his responses and see how the conversation goes.
If the dating relationship was very casual, maybe just send a text or e-mail, to see how he's doing. Again, his response (or lack thereof) will be very telling. After you've done your part (reaching out to him one time and one time ONLY), then you should have no regrets. You've put the ball in his court and it's up to him what to do with it. If within a few days after your contact he makes no effort to communicate or ask you out, then you definitely need to move on asap! But by reaching out in this way, at least you can stop wondering!
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 March 2012):
 The key piece of information that you didn't provide is this: Did you put out for him?
If "yes," then his interest predictably waned once he had had you....
If "no," then he gave up after "a few months" of seeing you and not getting any.....
We guys really aren't very complicated creatures if/when you (women) figure out the one thing that motivates us....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): Ask him if he wants to meet up ( he may think you have lost interest..) then see what happens. If he says no, forget it and move on, if he says yes, then great. Good luck and let us know what happens. :o) xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 March 2012):
Depends how you would feel if he rejected you again?
Before you even bought the book, you had noticed that at first he was full on and then something changed...this was the defining moment when you knew things wern't going to work out...not because a book told you so.
If you can handle the possibility that hemgiht not want you, then sure, contact him and see whats what, but don't allow yourself to be used as a fall back girl and just someone for him to use until he finds 'the one'.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): I'm glad you are reading that book, it has a lot of good sense in it :)
I would say, wait it out. If he was REALLY interested, he would call again. He would respect that if you could not make it last time, you can make it in future again. You felt him wavering, so perhaps it is a case of "he's just not that into you". Time will tell.
When the guy is for real, you will know! He will call, he will ask you out, he will be persistent, you will have no doubts! I speak from experience!!!
I read that book, and realised I had been doing things right all along. So I stayed patient. Eventually, the RIGHT one DID come along, and SHOWED through his actions that HE WAS INTO ME :) (he called, he was consistent, he made his intentions clear, he was himself/genuine).
If he isn't, don't take it personally. THERE IS someone out there for you - you just haven't met him yet ;-) cue the song by Michael Buble "I just haven't met you yet".
Wishing you luck in finding HAPPINESS, which you deserve!
xxxx E
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): Its up to you really, what your gut feeling is telling you.
As you declined the last date and didn't suggest another maybe he thought you were cooling off or over it.
You could just send one last message, just a how you doing type, see what happens.If he doesn't respond then you know thats it, worth a try though.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kizzie +, writes (20 March 2012):
If you have been seeing each other for a while it must mean he is into you or he would of cut you off. You have to think of why he all of sudden he lost interest. Please do not believe everything that you read hun. Maybe he feels it is the same with you, and that you have lost interest. He may feel as though your giving him the cold shoulder as you havent got in contact with him. Personally hun I think that you should get in contact with him an be open with each other. If it turns out he isnt into you then move on as he is clearly not worth your time. Let me know how it goes. All the best :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Chapche  +, writes (20 March 2012):
You'd better regret for what you've done than for what you never did. So I suggest you talk to him if you painfully thinking of him and want to clear up the things.
...............................
|
