A
female
age
51-59,
*ofti
writes:After we found out that we have genital herpes, our sex life died. I am the one who infected him. He is still caring and we do kiss cuddle and talk about it. He cannot keep an erection and he has gained weight. He is always checking my hygien behaviour and this makes me uncomfortable. His angry at me sometimes he is very loving but somehow he says hurtful things to me. What do i do?
View related questions:
erection, herpes, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): Herpes.....a cold sore like affliction in your genital area that flares up from time to time. Yes, I would be pissed too if someone gave it to me, but depending on the circumstances--if my partner notified me of her condition and we were cautious --I don't think that it would be the end of the world. People die from complications of the common cold and flu, while herpes isn't serious - it does carry a stigma, you know...dirty ...filthy...promiscuous, etc. If you have a recurring cold sore around your mouth (simplex 1 variety) nobody bats an eye because it doesn't carry the same stigma. Get over it people.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): There are blood antibody tests now that can reveal people who carry Herpes it even if they don't ever have an outbreak. They can differentiate between type#1 and #2.
You might ask, why in the hell isn't this a standard part of STI screenings nowadays? Well, there are lots of excuses but the bottom line is this: Its much more fun for people to remain blissfully ignorant and keep passing it around.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 How do you know you have herpes if you have never had a break out? Are you sure he's gotten it from you or is that just what he told you?
...............................
A
female
reader, softi +, writes (21 March 2012):
softi is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did not know he told me its me he never got sick before he met me. I have not had a break out yet. When we met we agreed not to talk about our past relationships but to move on forward and I have only been with him sine. I know my previous partner was sleeping around but i stayed single for two years before I met him. We never had any Stds test but ihad HIV test which came out negative. We are now both going for overall physicall check and for all blood test. I am also diabetic & bipolar and he wasaware of that. My libido is down becos of that.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 March 2012):
Did you know you had it before you had sex with him? Were you having a break out but still had sex with him?
If you did, then basically you showed no regard for his health and wellbeing. If you did not know (and some people have such a minor breakout initially it can be misdiagnosed as something else) then it's just unfortunate that he got it too, you could both probably talk about it and try to find some acceptance.
You need to be honest.
...............................
A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 How do I put this without sounding rude? You gave him genital herpes. That does not go away. He has this forever now. And genital herpes doesn't just come out of no where, he obviously put 2 + 2 together to figure out where you got it from.
He's holding a grudge. It almost sounds like he's trying his best to make the most of it and make it work between you two, but he has resentment and it could be holding him back or making him act out (i.e. when he says hurtful things to you).
You should talk to him- tell him that the things he is saying are very hurtful. Ask him if he can let go of that grudge. Yes, your sex life died, but focus on reconnecting. Become intimate again. Trust each other again. Soon enough, the sex should follow after that. The lack of sex is a symptom, and you have to figure out the cause of your symptoms.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 You're right to feel so bad about it. It is not nice.
I think that, whatever one may feel about this situation, you have to choose whether you will stay with him or not. I'm afraid that the hurtful things won't stop on their own. I would recommend your telling him something like "Hey: I can´t change the facts. Can you still live with me, without saying those hurtful things? If you can't, then let us break up".
Sorry to hear about your problem.
...............................
|
