A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wifes brother recently got divorced a few months back and I am in the process of a divorce as I speak. The thing now is my wifes brothers now ex-wife is starting to talk to me more and more. We had been friends in the past but never anything more. She is now hinting at me that she would like to be with me after my divorce is final. Not moving in together or anything... She said she would like to "date" me if possible. I don't know what I should do and is it wrong?? She's a sweet girl and I do like/care for her I'm just not sure if I would hurt to many others doing this afterwords.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): I don't see anything wrong provided you wait for some time has passed after both divorces are old history before doing this.
if your ex-wife, and her brother, get upset about who their ex-spouses date, well then maybe they shouldn't have agreed to divorce in the first place.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): Your wife will be devastated naturally
The brother will be gutted
Your friends and extended family will see u as the bastard who rubbed salt in their wounds.
Your kids (and I'm certain there are kids) will be the butt of many jokes about "keeping it in the family"
Surely there are other women u can date and have sex wife? Does it HAVE to be the wifes ex SIL?
Come on mister, some things are inappropriate. This is one of them! Can u imagine a family gathering: the whispers, the finger pointing and the heart wrenching turmoil? Not worth it: in fact no sex is worth this!
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 March 2012):
 I'd suggest that you and your former sister-in-law remain friends.... and at "arm's length"..... for no less than 6 months, before you and she decide if you (two) want to have a real, official "date."
Right now, you both have plenty of turmoil in your lives... and that is sure to cloud both of your thinking... not to mention that the family dynamics add an additional heap of complications....
IF you and this woman could/should spend "dating" time together, then the six months will seem like "the blink of an eye" in time... but will have served as an adequate "cooling down" period from each of your marriage travails....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2012):
 not legally wrong but very very messy...
it could upset the soon to be ex wife
it could upset her brother...
are there kids that are cousins that would be upset?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2012):
 Personally, I can just see heaps of drama coming from this. I mean she has to realize that there are other fish in the sea ?
Ethically there is nothing wrong with it, morally I find it a little weird.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 March 2012):
 I agree with chickpea, it's not wrong but I think you need to be a bit careful how you proceed because your divorce isn't even finalised and, if you have children, your wife might make trouble.
Maybe you could just build the friendship, talk to eachother and agree that you both need to take things slowly (sometimes I think that makes for a much happier relationship)There is no rush, you are both probably emotionally vulnerable and maybe just need the support of eachother.
There are much worse relationship dynamics that exist than this one but think with your head, sort out your financial and child arrangements before you go 'flaunting' a new relationship.
Communicate and go easy would be my advice.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (23 March 2012):
 Hi,
I understand how you feel. The truth is that it's not wrong, because both of you are now single, but it will be a little uncomfortable for them to know that you are interested in each other. Also, it's a little too soon to get involve with someone new, I mean, it has been only few months for her, and you are not officially divorced? I guess, as long as you talk to your soon to be ex-wife and let her know, and that goes to your new lady talking to her ex-husband. I know that both marriages are over, but its a matter of respect. As long as you both don't keep it a secret, I think it should be ok...
Good luck!
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