A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy out, and he got my card. He emailed a few days later and asked me out. Our first date went well (touching of the knee, arm, etc). He asked for my phone number but he didn't call until 5 days later. When he did call, he asked me out again. We went out again, and our second date went well (though we both drank a bit too much), and we ended up kissing for awhile at a bar. After that date, he didn't call again for 4 days. When he called, I was busy so he left a message. I called him back, we made another date and went out a third time. Our third date was also fun (he actually remarked "wow, another great date!"), and we ended up making out in his car. I probably would have slept with him but he said he wanted to wait. We talked about setting up another date and discussed some possible days, and he said "I'll call you."I texted him the day after -- not to set something up, but just to tell him to have fun at an event he was going to. He texted back two days later commenting on said event. I texted back that I was glad he had fun. That was 3 days ago, and still no call (so 6 days since our last date). I am heading out of town for a few days. Do I call him after I get back and ask him if he wants to get together? Give up and erase his number from my phone?It's been awhile since I've dated so I don't know the protocol. Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): OP again. I get what the four date scheme is - I guess guys don't usually have to use it on me, since I WANT to put out if I like a guy. :) I slept with my ex-husband on the first date!
But, I can guarantee the four date scheme isn't what this guy is doing -- he's simply blowing me off. If he wanted sex on the 4th date, he actually has to schedule a 4th date, and now it's too late for that :P
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 March 2012):
 OP: The "4-date scheme" is a sure-fire way for a guy to get a girl to put out for him....... Officially, it works like this:
1. Guy goes on date with girl.... takes her home.. walks her to her door, gives her a hug.... maybe a peck on the cheek... then leaves... Girl goes in to home and sez to herself: "What a great guy... we had a nice date and he didn't even try to put his hand in my blouse.... never MIND trying to get me to put out....
2. Second date.... guy does the same... is a great date.... acts like the ultimate gentleman... walks the lady to her door and wishes her "Good night" with an appropriate show of liking and affection... Girl thinks, after second date: "What a great guy... we had a nice date and he didn't even try to put his hand in my blouse.... never MIND trying to get me to put out....
3. Third date..... guy does the same (again)... is a great date.... acts like the ultimate gentleman... walks the lady to her door and wishes her "Good night" with an appropriate show of liking and affection... Girl thinks, after second date: "What a great guy... we had a nice date and he didn't even try to put his hand in my blouse.... never MIND trying to get me to put out...But, now that I think about it.... WHY HASN'T HE TRIED TO GET ME TO PUT OUT????? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? I KNOW GUYS EXPECT A GIRL TO PUT OUT BY THE THIRD DATE.... OR ELSE, HE ISN'T REALLY INTERESTED IN ME. GOSH... I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY AND DON'T WANT HIM TO GIVE UP ON ME!!!! NEXT DATE... I'LL SHOW HIM.... I'LL PUT OUT BEFORE HE EVEN HAS TO ASK ME!!!!!
And that, Dear Lady, is how the 4-date scheme works....
P.S. When done correctly, it NEVER FAILS!!!! (.... and this guy is working it BEAUTIFULLY on you!!!!)....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): OP here. I am dating other men, and I know he is dating others as well. I actually wanted to sleep with him on our 3rd date but he actually advised me to wait til after date 6, which I thought was funny! I don't know this guy to well yet, but did think there was relationship potential, perhaps. But, I'd also have been happy with something more casual if that's how things worked out. I think we'd probably have fun if we slept together, but I just don't understand how not calling will get him sex? (in reference to the 4 date scheme above)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 March 2012):
This guy is running the "4 date scheme" to a "tee".....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 March 2012):
 I agree that , at least in theory, there's no protocol and the " let the man do the chasing " alllows for numerous exceptions.
After all, the best way to get what you want, is being proactive and go and get it.
The problem is, what you want and what he wants may be very different.
I get the feeling you want to turn this into a relationship. He , from the way he's going about things, on the other hand probably just wants some other cool dates with making out sessions ( or more )- when it happens it happens. No need for regular contact or advance planning. It's not that he does not like you, he just does not like you enough to make you a priority - at least yet. In fact, I think he's probably seeing other girls too and sort of shopping around.
It's quite possible , of course, that with more "exposure time " and getting to know you better, he would warm up to you - but it's not a given. So ,if you are relationship minded , I would not put any more energy in pursuing him.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 March 2012):
 I think he is playing it a little too cool to be honest. It's no excuse to say he might be waiting to see if you call him because you have been in touch by text so he is free to reciprocate.
I do know that men pursue what they desire and don't see this guy doing so.
It could be that he just wants to casual date you, or that he wants to date others, it could be that he's just not that into you. He obviously knows you are into him because you made out and maybe he has decided things are moving a little too fast for him and he needs distance.
You could be upfront and ask him ' Do you like me and are we dating?' but that might scare him off if he isn't ready to commit.
You could just take a step back and get on with your life and if he makes contact again you can re evaluate the situation then. (If he does date you again, I think I'd want to see a little bit more pursuance from him to be convinced he was serious)
You could just text him casually and maybe just go the friends route, but avoid 'make outs' in future.
I have recently met someone myself (6 weeks)and even though he lives over 50 miles away we have seen eachother quite a bit and he calls me every night for nice long chats and texts me in the day...that is a good indicator for me that he is 'into me'. I have not really had to do any of the chasing and I do feel like a priority. He doesn't play games, calls when he says he will and we haven't made out yet :-) (just a few nice cuddles and kisses).
Just wait and see whay happens, look at what a man does...not what he says.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): There is no protocol it is a world of equality if its ok for him to call you then it is ok for you to call him. He might be waiting for you to call him, he might be worried that he is doing too much chasing. If you want him go get him lol
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): He's not really too interested unfortunately. I wouldn't call him or give him the third degree...you probably consider this leading to a relationship and he probably doesn't even consider himself officially dating you. For future reference, I would hold off on the making out in a car until after the third date, to your benefit the first 3 dates you should not be making out or anything close to that.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 March 2012):
Oh, I almost forgot.
You CAN call him up, and you can ask him if there is something (or someone) else he would rather be doing than spending time with you. Don't accept "I'm too busy now". That literally means "You aren't as high a priority as you thought you were."
Have you guys sealed the deal to be exclusive? He may want to wait on sleeping with you out of respect for whoever else he is seeing. Its just a possibility, but it needs to be explored if you really really really need to chase this down and your curiosity is overwhelming you.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (22 March 2012):
 Nope, let him call you. But it does sound like maybe he's having some "great dates" with other women as well, since he is kind of out of contact. Really- 2 days to respond to a text? There's no legitimate excuse for that. If I were you, I would play it cool, don't hesitate accepting dates from other men if you feel so inclined, and wait to see if and when you hear from this guy. Don't chase him... if he is interested, he'll let you know. Don't sit around waiting though.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 March 2012):
Objectively speaking, a two day wait on a text and no real phone call six days after a date is just plain rude in my book.
From my personal experience, when I am going good with someone I talk to them nearly every day, and she makes a point to do the same. Not because of any promises we made to each other, but because we are INTERESTED. I mean, can't the guy just call to have a conversation because he wants to?
In the future, when a man says "I'll call you" your response should immediately be "When should I expect your call?". It cuts out a lot of BS for the both of you.
You want communication, and you want certainty. These are reasonable things to expect. Politely demand them from whomever you involve yourself with.
Best wishes to you.
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