A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm writing as i am not sure how my married friend sees our friendship. We've been friends for 5 years and we try to have a chat each week. If we cannot make it, we text each other. Sometimes he's a little flirty (never sexual), and sometimes, if i text something a little flirty as a joke, he gets upset. I end up telling him that it was only a joke, and then he's fine. Thing is, i think i might have feelings for him as i really do miss our chats when we cant have them. Recently he came back from holidays and sent me a txt saying "I'm back baby!" and then proceeded to tell me about the trip. He's never called me baby and i do believe he was just saying it as a joke. I asked him about it, but he got very embarrassed and avoided answering me. Im concerned because i'm happily married and would never do anything to hurt my or his family. Why would he want to stay in touch with me for this long, when he knows he's not getting anything physical from me? All we do is talk and laugh, but i do get the impression that there is something there. I feel torn. Any comments would be appreciated.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 You get the impression there is something there?
Ok say there is 'Something there' what are you going to do with it?
Have an affair?
Have a bit of no strings sex?
Have to start skulking around so neither of your spouses find out?
What are you going to do if one or both do find out?
Can you support yourself as a one parent family?
Could you handle the fights, a divorce, the backlash?
Belive me, if you commit adultery, a court will eat you for breakfast...but that is nothing compared to how your children will view you as they get older.
I feel this is you pushing for more. As worldy has rightly said, you are over analysing every word, playing that 'yes I will, No I won't game' and believe me there arn't many married guys who wouldn't love that kind of attention.
This guy, however has not responded to your advances and flirts because he maybe enjoys the idea of it but would never actually follow through.
If you arn't wanting an affair or to take it further, why are you even doing it?
You can stick, twist or bust ie carry on as you are, push it further or end it...but if you do push it you will have to reap the wild wind!!
It's your choice.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 March 2012):
 I feel torn!!
Why torn? He is married, you are happily married and you are both friends.. There is nothing happening here at all. If you can't control yourself, then I suggest you end the friendship. Right now your looking for some signs of romantic love, why, so you can break up his marriage and cheat on your husband.
You laugh, you joke, you talk, no sexual content, nothing except the stories you make up in your head. Flirting don't mean anything, "hello babes, did you miss me"... pppfff.. that doesn't mean anything at all, my friends talk like that, heck our porter says that when he returns from holiday. Stop looking for signals that aren't there or you will embarrass yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): You seem to be investing alot of time and thought into this 'friendship', overthinking every message, considering your happily married.
If your developing feelings then you have to back off, cut the calls down, don't get flirty.
He just sees you as a mate, he was excited when he got back from what was probably a great holiday,wanted to tell you about the trip.He was still in holiday mode.
I would put some time and effort into your own marriage and life, maybe find a new interest, something to take the focus OFF this man, so this friendship comes into perspective and he isn't nearly as important to you.
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