A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is bipolar, and i'm not sure whether to stay with him or not. We have been together for two months. When he is in a good mood, he is hyper, and he says he loves me, and he has bought me gifts, and everything is great, but when he has bad moods, he gets depressed, paranoid, and really angry. Last Friday, he was in a bad mood, and he was drunk, and he said he was getting stressed out being with me, and said he wanted to be on his own. He also said he thought we needed a break. The next day, he told me that he didn't mean it ,and that he sometimes says things he doesn't mean when he is drunk. On Monday, we bumped into a guy i know in town. This guy asked us if we were a couple, and how long we had been together and what we were doing that day. i was talking to the guy on my own a bit first, and then my boyfriend said angrily, " aren't you going to introduce me ?", and i introduced him and the guy to each other. Later that day, when we were at my boyfriend's house, he suddenly asked out of the blue if he could look through the messages on my mobile phone. I had a feeling it was because of that guy speaking to us. I refused to let him look at first, as i don't like showing my phone to people, and that guy had sent me messages recently, but they were friendly, but i knew that my boyfriend would get the wrong idea. I didn't want to be friends with benefits with that guy, so that guy asked if be could be friends instead. That guy said he missed me on those messages. He wanted to be friends with benefits before i met my boyfriend, but he has text me a few times since i met my boyfriend. When i refused to give my phone to my boyfriend, he started shouting at me to get out of his house, and he said it was over and that if i didn't leave he would call the police. I had to pretend to go to the bathroom so that i could delete the messages from that guy. My boyfriend didn't know those messages were on my phone, as i managed to delete them in the bathroom, and i showed him the phone when i went back downstairs, and all the otehr messages were from him and my friends. He then calmed down and apologised. It really scared me, as he looked frightening when he was angry. Yesterday, he was stressed because of financial problems. Also, he didn't know at first that people can't stay over at his house too much, which is rented, so it's up to the council how often people stay there, and he got angry again and shouted " you have to go home. You're not supposed to be here too much ". He calmed down again though and i didn't have to leave. Later on, he kept saying he adores me ,and he asked me to forgive him for getting angry. Then later, i was talking to him about a family party that i am going to next week, and that i am buying a new outfit for it this weekend, and he got angry again , shouting " You're telling me about buying an outfit and about a family party, but what about plans for us ? ". And then he started saying that i might meet a guy at the party. I said i wouldn't , as only family members are going, and then he said i might hook up with one of my male cousins, as it's legal to date and marry a cousin here in the UK. I couldn't believe how paranoid he was being!. He can't go to the party with me, as the invitations and the tables for the meal, e.t.c, were arranged before i even met him.It has all been arranged for months. He said he didn't want me to go to the party. He wants to see me again today, but i'm worried about what kind of a mood he will be in. Also, whenever i have to leave his house, he says he doesn't want me to leave, and that he is scared that i wont come back. He has also asked for my house number ( the door number . He knows what street it is ). I didn't really want to tell him what it was, as i'm worried incase he comes round unexpectedly, but i gave it to him to stop him getting angry with me. I love him to bits, but i hate it when he gets paranoid and needy, and it stresses me out.When i stay over at his house, he doesn't sleep much either. He'll keep getting up for a bit and then going back to bed. That must be because he is hyper. He also posts photos of me on his facebook page, so everyone on his friends list can see them, and writes nice comments underneath them.Do you think i should stay with him, or do you think it's going to make me feel drained?. He can be so sweet when he has his good moods, but i feel like i'm walking on eggshells sometimes. When he got in the bad moods, i told him that it wasn't fair how he kept changing his mind, and that if he doesn't mean it when he says he wants us to split up, then he shouldnt say it. Has anyone else experienced being with someone who is bipolar, and what happened ?. Do you think he means it when he takes things out on me ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): My ex was bipolar and it tore us apart unless he accepts he has a problem and gets the help he needs im afraid i dont hold out much hope for you as a couple
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Do I think you should continue to be with him...NO.
This guy has serious mental health problems that probably need serious medical intervention. He needs to learn how to cope with his condition and manage his medication so that he can function normally and not be a threat to anyone else.
If you were talking about your husband or someone you had kids with and been with for years, then I would suggest you seek advice from your local mental health team, but you have only known this man for 2 months and you have no idea what you are getting into.
He is already controlling you and manipulating you at a very high level and you are almost living in fear. He has no business being in a new relationship whilst he is so unstable.
It is not enough to say you love him and he's sweet when he isn't having a downer. You are looking at years and years of unpredicatable behaviour and uncertainty. He is already delusional and accusing and as you get further in, that is going to get worse and worse and worse.
Two months is nothing, you cannot even know him fully in two months or even to begin to form a judgement as to whether you want a life with him.
It also looks as if your previous boyfriend treated you badly so maybe you think that by being with someone who has serious problems, it means they will never leave you.
In my opinion I think you should end things and find someone else who will treat you right all the time, not just when they are manic.
hugs
Em xx
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