A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a little unsure of where I should even begin. I am 23 years old and I am married to the most amazing person I've ever met. We've been together for over three years, and things are pretty much perfect. We both have decent jobs, a house, two cats, and are very much in love.My family is one of the best. My parents are my best friends, and have been my entire life. My seven-years-older brother I've just recently connected with again after minimal contact for several years, as well as his wife and two kids. He's also become a very big part of my life, and we're best friends.I've lived in six different states, and have gone to five different schools. I currently live in a huge city with tons of culture and many different kinds of people. I'm very outgoing and enjoy interacting with people. I graduated at the top of my class, and have my AA Degree from a community college where I live. I'm told on a daily basis that I'm beautiful, and I know that I have attractive features. I'm a genuinely kind person, and I go out of my way to make others happy. I'm responsible and punctual, and honestly don't think there's much else needed to be improved upon.Now, problem is, I take everything I just said, and apply it to someone other than myself. If I view myself as a third person, I can easily pick out traits that are likeable and desirable. If I look in the mirror, and reflect inward, I see myself as the exact opposite.I tend to judge myself harshly, as so most people. I feel that I am one of the worst people known. When I see pictures of myself, I think, "Very attractive." When I look at myself in the mirror, I find dozens of flaws that I'd like to change. When I write my personality down on paper, I see a great person, who I'd love to be friends with. When I think about liking myself, I cringe, and criticize, and detest what I feel I am.I've gone to therapy for my issues, multiple times. But a few months into the process, they'll ask me to do exercises that honestly I've been doing for years. I then get irritated and quit going.At work (a hotel front desk agent), I do a good job. I work hard, show up early, am pleasant and outgoing, etc. But the second I'm talked to about an issue that happened on my behalf, I get terribly insecure and feel inadequate.With my husband, I know I'm a good wife, and was a good girlfriend. I'm faithful, loyal, and loving. I love knowing that he's happy, and that I can make him happy. We have the most fun together. But when I look at myself compared to him, I feel he could do so much better. I feel like I'm nothing compared to him, and that everything I do just holds him back.I'm not really sure even what I'm asking for advice on... Maybe if someone has ever felt the same way? Has any advice on thinking differently? Please do not suggest therapy. I've dealt with it since I was nine years old, and it hasn't helped. I thank you for taking the time to read this and respond.
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female
reader, Chapche  +, writes (23 March 2012):
If something disturbs you I think you know what it is. Maybe you really think too much but why should you do that if everything as you say seems so great. Try to be honest. What is there you don't realy like about yourself? You feel false about people or what? Well, don't try to be nice to everyone, be what you are and don't scare to disappoint people.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 March 2012):
 We seem to live in a world of introspection and self analysis these days. It is everywhere we look and we are encouraged to believe that everything MUST be perfect, that we MUST reach our potential and that we are absolutely ENTITLED to happiness.
Some of us can look at ourselves and think 'Yep I am ok' and others focus on every detail, collect a personal itinery of achievements and assets and think that we can only be content if everything is in its place. This very act goes against the chaos theory of life itself and it is not possible for us to be perfect or to even imagine we can live up to perfection.
You have low self esteem, millions of people do, but yours seems extreme. You push away therapy because it might 'cure' you and you are scared of what you will be like if you don't hate yourself anymore!!...you won't have the stick with which to beat yourself daily, you won't have the struggle and you won't have to face up to the fact that you are just like everyone else...full of holes, doing ok, somewhere in the middle and maybe blended in.
You paint this illustrious and glorified picture of a wonderful life and it has become a burden to you. What if you didn't do well in school? or you wern't attractive or you didn't have a 'perfect' marriage...would the world end?...would you be a lesser person?...the simple answer is no you wouldn't.
Unload the burden, nobody is judging you or probably even thinks much about what you personally put yourself through and thats because they are too occupied with their own lives and don't have time for drama that they have no answer to.
It's ok to make mistakes, to have 'ugly' day, to not work so hard. It's ok to just 'be' for a while and laugh at the world and just accept you are part of it. It's ok to be down on yourself sometimes as long as you balance it out with knowing you are actually an OK girl...Not the best, not the worst...your doing OK.
Go into the world and take a good look at whats going on!! You are doing OK...that's it...OK...You are OK!!
As crap as it may seem, we are all no more important or special or more worthy of happiness than anyone else around us. If you choose to live your life in a perpetual state of self denigration, then that will be a shame, but nobody can change your perception other than you and nobody is going to hand you a medal for your personal suffering and martyrdom because seriously therapy would be the only way to go (and to see it through).
Face the fear, get some balance, see through therapy and just accept that you are OK...because really, life is too short.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (23 March 2012):
 Hi,
By reading your post, I do believe everything you said... I think you should be proud of yourself for accomplishing so much in such a young age. I think you are almost close to perfect, you are beautiful, educated, smart, sophisticated, honest, loyal person, good to your husband and family. You are lucky to have such an amazing life, grateful to have your family support and I am sure you have all the blessings in life because you do deserve... Therapy didn't help you all these years, because honestly there's nothing that needs to be change. My opinion is that you are too hard on yourself. You know, it's good to always work hard to improve yourself, improve your life, have ambitions, challenge life. It's good to always try your best, to be your best, and be the best to the ones you love, but sometimes you need to take a break, and be kind to yourself. In my opinion, you think too much, and you are always thinking ahead. You are being your own enemy all these years. Just breath, enjoy your life, and know that you do deserve everything you have. If I was your friend, I would just grab you and shake you, tell you: snap out of it... :) I am glad that you are back in contact with your brother after all these years, I hope that your relationship with your brother grow stronger everyday. Remember that you cannot get back all the years you lost, but what matters is today.... Accept that you are an amazing woman, and be kind to yourself.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): No disrespect, but why have you been going to therapy for all those years?
In my view I think all it has achieved is you looking and thinking about yourself too deeply and taking yourself too seriously,your actions,appearance everything and then questioning everything.
Instead you should be thanking your lucky stars, counting your blessings and getting on with your amazing life.
A little self doubt creaps into everyone, we all look in the mirror sometimes and see a stranger,just stick out your tongue and forget it..
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