A
female
age
36-40,
*achakaRoni
writes:Ok, so I've been seeing this guy for the last six weeks. 4 and half weeks ago, he said he could only be in a relationship with me, if he had the chance to have sex with other women otherwise he wouldn't be happy in the relationship. so I said I could deal with it as long as I was there and knew about it. His response was that we would talk about it once I got back from my holiday. Im back from my holiday now and he hasn't mentioned anything and Im not sure if I should. while I was away he was continually texting me and saying he missed me and has started calling me 'baby'. does anyone have any advice or information they would care to share/help me with? Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): “This boy wants to have his cake and eat it too. Dump him. He's an immature idiot.”
I agree, stay away from him and anyone else who wants an “open” relationship. that is for narcissists and people who are fucked up and commitment phobes and who also like to torture their partners. most of these fall apart very quickly. please don't put yourself through this.
A
female
reader, katiekate  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 First of all, you were only dating for a week and a half when this "open relationship" thing came into play? That's very strange to me... Why even bother? Clearly, he wants to play the field, so let him! Don't waste your time on a guy like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Oh please! He's giving you very mixed messages. On the one hand he expects the complete freedom to have sex with anyone he wants. On the other hand he CONTROLLED YOU while you were on holiday by continually texting.
This boy wants to have his cake and eat it too. Dump him. He's an immature idiot.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Did you agree to an open relationship because you REALLY want to be with this guy or because you want to sleep around as well?
I am not a fan of open relationships. I think most women who are in those agree to it because they want to keep their man.
If he wants to screw around why not let him stay single?
As I see it, if you aren't ready to commit FULLY, and yes, to me that would involve being monogamous, then DO NOT get into a relationship. Stay single, fuck around, have NSA sex with whomever.
Unless both parties are 100% sure they can handle it, and are BOTH open to "negotiations" if things change, open relationships are doomed.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I don’t recommend it. I came from an open marriage and it destroyed us. 4 weeks in and you’re not enough?
My current partner and I are engaged. WE met when I was “happily” married and had permission to have this NSA/FWB thing with him… when my marriage ended… WE got serious… and it was assumed by many that we would also be in an open relationship… umm NO we do not share….
Would this go both ways for you… in other words YOU can have multiple partners as well as him or was this just for him to have sex with other women while you watch?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Why do you want to be with someone like that?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 March 2012):
 He's asked for an open relationship, you started the negotiation for how you'd be comfortable with it--which basically sounds like swinging--but now for some reason you are afraid to pursue this important conversation?
You have every right to bring it up again. NOT talking about it lets him think you are happy for him to decide it. It's like a tacit agreement that you're okay with whatever he chooses to do.
If you need clarification on this, ASK him. It's okay. It's reasonable, it's fine. Just ASK him.
"Hey, we were going to talk about this after my holiday, and I'm back. So what do you think?" And go from there.
Personally, I couldn't date a guy who basically said he wasn't willing to commit exclusively to me. Too messy and too many chances for some funky STDs.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Dumb question probably, but , what does it mean " I could deal with it if I was there " ? Do you want to be physically present while he has sex with other women ?...
I think he's simply.. just not that into you. He does not want to be in a relationship with you , and ( comprehensibly ) does not want to give you any control over, and accountability of, his other sexual/romantic activities with women.
If you want to be one among many, no proviso or conditions, he'll take you up for no strings. Otherwise, there's no deal.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Ugh, if this were my boyfriend, the relationship would never have made it to Week 4, much less week 7.
He's exposing you to a *lot* of risk, wanting a relationship with you yet having sex with many women. Add to that the knowledge that he'd never truly be yours. Add to that the great lack of respect he has for you to even say that in the first place.
Remember this well, he's not really into you. Don't give him your body and your heart, because you're basically dumpster diving, and he won't respect you at all. Not to mention he could come back with an STD to pass to you or an unplanned pregnancy for you or another woman.
There's so much better out there...you don't need to scrape the bottom of the barrel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Be wary of someone who says they can't function in an exclusive relationship. He is saying that he should have the best of both worlds. Unless you are really ok with this I would bring the subject up again and say you care for him too much to share him with others. That is generally considered the norm and the way things work. Do you really want an open relationship, it doesn't work for a lot of people.
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A
female
reader, Beccccccy  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Nothing wrong with an OPen relationship .
The problem is that reading between the lines ..Its NOT what you want . Now you must be honest ..What do you really want ? and are you Okey with it ?
Missing someone is still completely possible in an Open relationship , the examples are unrelated .
But is it really really ..a situation you can live with ? Good Luck .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Im surprised that you can be ok with this!
Are you officially together?
He doesn't want a relationship with you. If he did, he wouldn't want to sleep with other women. Are you really ok with this? Besides the fact there are so many health and safety issues, there is a good chance you are going to be the one left heart broken.
If a guy wants you, he doens't want to sleep with other women.
If he hasn't brought it up again, he may have changed his mind - but bring it up with him. You need to clear the air about this topic and make sure you know whats going on. If you are ok with him sleeping wiht other women, you need to know just for your own health.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): The real question is are you really okay with this or are you just settling for it because you want him and you'll take anything he will give you.
My advice is to figure out if this is something you want, not just something you accept. Because if you don't want him sleeping with others then pretty soon it will be unacceptable to you, and no, he doesn't want an exclusive relationship with you and he never will.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): He was testing to see if you were going to have sex when you were away on holiday.Giving you the green light to see what you would do but he kept up contact so you were reminded he was waiting for you
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who would be having sex with other women? Really?
Possibly, he just said all that rubbish at the start, about not being able to be in a relationship with you if he couldn't blah blah blah, because he didn't know you, and he was just hedging his bets. He might have realised, while you were away, that he did actually like you, alot .
Think about what you want, how you want the relationship with him to be, and be straight and tell him. And don't settle for anything less. A relationship is about both of you, not just whatever he wants. Good luck to you.xx
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