A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am ashamed to say I had a affair several years back and it resulted in my having a son. The man in question is over twice my age at 55 and has three grown up children. After publicly denying everything he then try's to ring and failing that starts making fake allegations to social services, the police etc etc resulting in a harassment case filed by myself. I have now found out he had two other affairs despite telling me differently and one other girl had a miscarriage through him resulting in her having a breakdown. Her family are friends of his and she has hushed the whole thing. I ask for no child support and have not proven the child to be his although I know him to be. I do not know what to do as regards this man now..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 May 2012):
 What do you want from this situation? Your question is a bit muddled.
xx
A
female
reader, shellycg +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Get a dna test done first before you ask him for any money what so ever as the money he pays you you will have to pay back if the child is not his, also do you really want this man in your life you will never be able to trust him ....
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Hi
You dont need to DO anything about him. He has played dirty getting social services and the police involved - not quite sure why, but even so, that tells me he doesnt want anything to do with you personally.
Best thing you can do, for your child, is to get a DNA test done and go for child support. Thats all you need from him. He is not exactly relationship material is he and you say it happened several years back, so go for the cash and leave it at that.If you dont want money, just have the DNA test so at least your child knows who his Father is.One day they will want to know.
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A
male
reader, MrWombat  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 False accusations? Don't ask the internet for help - find a lawyer and get some real advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot after I found out about his behaviour I don't. His wife knows nothing about any of it far as I'm aware. It seems odd that he almost seems to be deliberately impregnating young girls
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 May 2012):
Do you want to be with this man?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't contacted him though we have mutual friends so he had no reason to contact me. Or cause trouble. Unless he's attempting to bad name me and then go for a custody case. He told me he had the snip though begged me not to have an abortion when he knew I was pregnant. Thanks for your reply!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 May 2012):
Is there a reason that this man wants to cause trouble for you?
One would think if he is 'creating' all these children and having flippant affairs all over that he would move on quickly and shirk off his responsibilities by going off the radar!!
If he is denying his child with you and not paying child support, I assume he doesn't want access??
So the question remains, Have you contacted him for any reason?
The bare bones of this are that your child has the right to have support from both parents and is entitled to have child support payments. I know there are thousands of women raising children with no such support because they either want the fathers out of the picture or that the 'fathers' are not facing up to their responsibility.
What do you want from this? If you want money then you need to seek payments through the proper channels. If you just want the man to go away and not bother you then you obtain a restraining order, or move.
Although it's interesting to know what other activities this man has been up to (so you can see the big picture) it's also not really your concern. Stick to your own business and get something legal put in place to either make him pay up or push him out of your lives forever.
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A
male
reader, HerBest1  +, writes (20 May 2012):
PLEASE...get a paternity test done. File with the courts to MAKE him pay you child support. DO it for your child. SO it can have as much time with you. The money helps and will...Also its right that he is held accountable. He should be ashamed to act the way he is! I hope you will do this because he needs to stop and think, he is old enough to know better. You are going to feel good about standing up for yourself and this will go ALONG way in building self esteem and having confidence in yourself. I am sure he will be made to give you a pretty nice chunk of change weekly since he is at the age of PEAK earning ability. Making him pay is right on every level, I hope you follow through. This is a huge intersection in your life, and you have before you many roads. I hope you do file paperwork with the courts. There is help for you, just ask.
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