A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can Friends with benefits with an ex work ?Me and my ex started seeing each other last november. We did alot for the 2 months we was together. Met his family his friends he met mine. We all got along.He suffered with migraines and had a little girl who i did a lot with aswell. But it happened suddenly the break up spent all xmas together. Then he got ill and hardley spoke to me he had other problems aswell. And he just ended things cause to much pressure and a lot going on.Then a few weeks ago he asked if id like to do friends with benefits. He said he dont want no one else or cant bare the thought of me being with someone else. He sed he just wants to sort himself out and have no pressure for a while and hopefully something will come out of it.Ive already agreed to this its going slowly like meet here and there but when we meet up we get on like we did when we was together. Just bit unsure never done anything like this before. Could friends with benefits work ?
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friend with benefits, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): Unless you want to be used for sex until he finds somebody else, no. I would hardly calling having sex "going slowly".
You sound a young and a bit naive. To be blunt: you can't shag your way back into a relationship.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 FWB does not work 99% of the time and I’ve NEVER known it to work when it’s with an ex. They are an ex for a reason. His “can’t bear the thought of you being with someone else” is lip service and a crock.
He says these things to get you to sleep with him.
NOTHING will come out of FWB for you with him… if you are doing it in hopes of getting him back, it won’t work. IF you are doing it just to have company and sex and hold NO hopes or expectations that it will work out, then go for it. Otherwise, I’d walk away and save yourself the future heartbreak of posting how you are in love with your FWB but he does not return he feelings.
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female
reader, lusciousladymorgan +, writes (29 May 2012):
Seems like my situation a bit.. i was with someone for 2 years who I loved a lot we both started drifting apart for numerous reasons that we both accepted when we split 3 months ago.. he cheated on me last dec with this girl came clean about it he didn't sleep with her as I found out the truth from various snooping.. when we split he started sleeping with her but made it clear it was nothing more then sex they have had loads of chances to get together but haven't they even had a holiday together with friends but he still didn't get with her. I have met him several times since our split and we get on everytime just like we did when we were together we have spoke about travelling for 3 months together later on this year.. we still speak everyday.. if anything its usually me that encourages meeting up but theres occasions he will text to see if we want to hang out. unfortunately with all the crap my life has thrown at me I'm able to handle it but I think there will come a point in time when I say this is it because I've had enough but for now I'm enjoying the satisfaction of how jealous he gets if I'm on the phone to someone when we are hanging out and the rage he gets into over it.. men are selfish very.. its ok if he's doing it but not if you are.just don't let yourself be his option if he wants you he will make an effort.. my ex calls me everyday for a chat if he's not busy and its not always about sex sometimes its just general we laugh about for a bit.Anyway only you can decide what you want lovey :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): Friends with benefits can't work, It is proven that females become attached when having sex with an individual. I am a female as well. This guy is trying to pull a fast one, He wants you in a sexual way but not in a relationship way so your allowing him to just use you for sex, but he will see other females, its a guy thing. He cannot committ and therefore, you should say adios and find someone who will wnat you relationship wise, and eventaully in a sexual manner.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 May 2012):
No it can't. Trust me on this one. FWB's only work between to people who have absolutely zero emotional attachment to each other. View FWB as an arrangement between a client and a hooker, without the money. They exchange sex and that's it. There is no relationship and none of the perks associated with it. If both understand this, FWB can work.
You're still emotionally invested, and you used to be in love with him. He's just waving the FWB card because he wants sex with you, but without the hassle. Basically he wants a f-ck buddy while he looks for a new girl to call his. If he wanted you back for you, he wouldn't propose such a thing. The reason he does is because he has a good chance at you saying yes (for the wrong reasons). Dump him and don't offer your body up for grabs so quickly. It's going to make you end up hurt.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 May 2012):
Not for you. And the fact you're here asking proves it. He just wants to have his way, and eventually you'll end up hurt. because you'll be waiting for something to 'hopefully come out of it' whilst he'll be out there finding the next one.
He's an ex for a reason, and he has problems he needs to solve. Leave him in the past and find someone who isn't just interested in using you like a piece of meat.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 May 2012):
 I don't think this will work out in this situation. You are going into this in the hopes that he will change his mind and want to be with you, it's probably not going to happen like that. Either he wants to be with you, or he doesn't. Now I'm not saying he doesn't, but I am saying that if he does want to and you want to, you shouldn't settle for this. If he wants to have sex and be exclusive, that is a relationship.
He basically wants to have his cake, your undying love and exclusivity along with sex, without having to actually put effort in. If you want this to work out again, you need to wait for all or nothing.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 May 2012):
 FWB doesn't work...He will use you for friendly chats and sex and then drop you like a ton of bricks when he finds someone he does like.
When you see him miraculously sorting his life out and getting his sh*t together you will also see him going off with the love of his life shortly after.
Offer to be a friend, but without the sex...then you will see how much of a friend he wants to be.
Really women need to wise up...FWB is just being an unpaid sex convienience for a bloke who doesn't really care about you. Women do it because they secretly hope that the guy will wake up, fall in love with them and it will be happily ever after...doesn't happen.
Run!!! save your self respect and find someone who is available and open to a proper loving relationship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 May 2012):
 Friends with benefits CAN "work".... the question is, How is it working for YOU??????
From the myriad posts on this site, by those who've partaken of "FWB" it appears that many/most FWB arrangements end up with one of the participants becoming more attached to the other (and it's not reciprocated).... and that person gets hurt as the FWB must - finally and necessarily - deteriorate to failure....
YOU (and your man-friend) can try... but you are swimming against the tide.....
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 my initial reaction is no. gee the whole thing about sex and realtionships is finding the person you fit with. having someone to keep you going pysically until you meet with someone you want to be in a relationship with is only a distraction. maybe you need a distraction. maybe I do to. what does it matter. the bottom line is that the fwb is not the one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): Don't do it.
If he is so ill, with migraines and hardly spoke you, and he had other problems as well, then he is too ill for friends with benefits too. Why should he get some on the side, when he is not willing to give anything to you in return. Like respect for your feelings. You were his girlfriend, not a tramp. He ended things suddenly due to too much pressure and so much going on, yet he is available for a casual hook up? Don't do it.
He may not want anyone else, but until he can give you himself fully and completely, why take the scraps of friends with benefits. He either wants to be your friend, or your boyfriend. Not benefits only from someone who treated you so wrong.
Sure, he can't bear the thought of you with anyone else, because he knows he may lose you! That would serve him right. He certainly is not valuing you, or appreciating you, yet he is making sure nobody else can get you.
If he really wanted to "sort himself out" and have no pressure, that can be done with you giving him space and time. In that time, he can sort out his problems, his health, and his commitments to his daughter and whatever else. Until he can step up to the plate and be a man, your man, you should not give him anything except friendship (if you feel like it) benefits: no. It will just delay the inevitable. One day he will find someone else and drop you like a hot potato. There are red flags here, and he dropped you before, nothing stops him from contacting you again. He owes you nothing, and friends with benefits is very casual, and you will get more hurt. Don't do it.
You deserve better! don't settle for this.
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female
reader, 0Guest0  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 "Can Friends with benefits with an ex work ? "
NO. It will just HURT you. You both were in relationship, you can't just have Friends With Benefits relation with someone who you used to love. You will get attached to him if you have it. Later if he gets into relationship with some other girl. Will it not hurt you?? It will hurt you a lot.
"He said he dont want no one else or cant bare the thought of me being with someone else. He said he just wants to sort himself out and have no pressure for a while and hopefully something will come out of it."
If he can't bare the thought of you being with someone else why don't he patch up with you? Why don't he re-start your relationship rather than FWB? You are single so you can date any guy its up to you NOT up to him. He doesn't have right to say that he can't bare the thought to see you with someone else. Ask yourself - If you start friends with benefit with this guy and if he gets into relationship with other girl will you still like being in FWB with him?
Girl, you deserve a lot better guy than this jerk. You will find much more good guy who will not just demand sex from you and will know how precious are you.
I hope you make right decision :) .
Good luck.
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