A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help! What can I do to finally make my boyfriend see that he needs to take some responsibility! I have tried everything He works part-time, Between 3 and 4 days a week. I work part-time as well, but over 5 days. I start housework as soon as I get home. I also cook dinner for us 7 days a week. When he is off work he will get up, shower and then go straight out to a friends, ignoring any washing up or cleaning. So I am left to do it all because when he gets back he will sit in front of the TV all night. If I go out all day and he's here I come back to the mess he just sits around all day or if he does get up and do something its just for himself. On top of the dishes, cuttlery etc he uses for dinner, he will make himself snacks, or breakfast and leave everything he has used for me to wash up. I feel like a waitress, chambermaid, cleaner and cook! I have tried talking to him but he laughs and says when he is off work he is on holiday.k. I clean at work and I'm starting to dread coming home only to spend my home life cleaning after someone else again!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, lovingnerd  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 I have nothing much to contribute, but would request you to please come back and reply with your experience. It really helps to know how certain things work out, if they do.
Thanks.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Hi
If theres only 2 of you there can't be that much housework especially as you are both out at work too.Hes just bone idle.
If he won't do his share, leave it. Sort your laundry, your dishes, cook only for yourself. When he says something then tell him quite clearly, your not his Mum your his girlfriend.
Do a housework rota, pin it up on the fridge, stick to it.
If he doesn't change, get yourself a new flatmate and send him back to Mummy to be spoilt.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 "I have tried talking to him but he laughs and says when he is off work he is on holiday."
Response: Fancy that, that's a great idea. I am on holiday too! Wonderful!
And then stop doing anything for him. Only for you. Let the house turn into a tip and leave his clothes and dishes where he leaves them. It may be a good time to go stay with a friend for a few days. It may even be a better time to go look for your own flat.
Think of it as tough love. For yourself, as well as him.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 May 2012):
 http://uic.edu/orgs/cwluherstory/CWLUArchive/polhousework.html
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Stop doing for him...If he asks why you arn't cleaning up his mess, just laugh and say I am not your mother and I am not your cleaner and cook.
It's just laziness at the end of the day and he isn't too old to learn to share the work.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 May 2012):
 If he does NOTHING to help run the home then you have a problem.
We had to figure out what my partner could and could not do... he has severe allergies that mean he can't use cleaning products... but he does all the heavy lifting.
I wash the laundry he folds and puts away
I run the dishwasher, he empties it
I cook dinner, he washes the dishes
if he cooks dinner, I clean up...
sometimes I do the grocery shopping, sometimes he does.
he handles the trash as my back can't do that...
IF your partner is doing nothing, I'd stop doing for him and only do for yourself. It will be a disaster in the home for a bit and he may not care so then you have to decide if you can live like that or if it's worth leaving over.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 If he just laughs at you when you are trying to have a serious talk with him about sharing the house work then I think the only thing left to do is to teach him a lesson, and if you start that lesson you need to remain strong and not cave in to him. From now on tell him you are sick of cleaning up after him and you refuse to do it any more. Don't allow him to take you for granted so far you have spoke words but have not showing him any action.
From now on when you come back from work, cook your own dinner and allow him to get his own, once you are finished clean up your own mess but leave his. When you are doing washing, just do your own. Let him live in his own filth if that is what he wants. Just refuse to do any thing or clean anything that he has messed. Now this does take a lot, because yes you will get frustrated at his mess but you need to remain strong and see it out so that he knows he cannot walk all over you.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (18 May 2012):
 He's obviously using you!
he knows how mad it makes you leaving the house unclean yet he behaves like an immature kid and laughs.
Its obvious you two are not compatible;
It would drive me nuts to be with someone like that who does not help or appreciate the hard work you do around the home.
Some men must think women are just good enough to clean.
If you dont want to spend the rest of your life cleaning up after him, dont!
Dont be his mother all your life and dont let yourself be used any longer.
The other side is; you can draw up a cleaning rota ; but i doubt that will work as you've already explained your feelings to him.
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