A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. A few months into our relationship his sister invited him on a cruise because his nephew couldn't go at the last minute. At the same time he got laid off from his job so the getaway was good for him. Earlier this year he mentioned me going on a cruise with him and his family and I started making arrangements to get my passport. Before my passport arrived he told he his sister purchased the tickets without telling him so I ended up left out. I was really hurt but let it go. A second free trip for him so good for him. After that cruise we started looking into us going on a cruise together. He still doesn't have a full time job so I was going to pay for us. Well it ended up being too costly because we delayed and the price went up. So he came up with a short beach trip. We had a great time. We still wanted to cruise though just at a later time. Well for the past couple of weeks he's been talking about his friend and the guy's family going on a cruise and how the friend wants him to go. He said he couldn't because of finances. Then he said the guy had another friend going with them. Now, a few days ago he sprung it on me that the other guy may not be able to go after all and his friend is offering it to him for free. Even though he really doesn't have the money the friend says not to worry about it. So my boyfriend is really planning on going even though he's telling me he's not sure. I'm really feeling like this was the plan all along but I can't say for sure. Regardless I feel really hurt because 1. this cruise is the exact cruise we were going to go on; 2. he would even consider going without me when this was something we had just tried to do and couldn't because all the expense would be on me; 3. he dangled the idea of a cruise on me since Jan and we can't go. I guess my list of hurt can go on and on. He thinks I should be happy for him and encourage him to go because he's deserving of it with all the stress he's been through not having a job other than the part time work he does. I'm not trying to deny him having a good time etc but it really hurts that this is something we've talked about doing and he's going without me. He says we'll still go and it will be special for us. I guess this on top of other things that have happened in this relationship, I'm really not that special to him after all. I've been so supportive and understanding about so many things with him. This last blow has me at my wits end Am I being unfair about this and expressing my hurt and disappointment? He knows I'm upset...we haven't spoken in 3 days other than his text saying he hopes I'm doing ok. Please advise...
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 I hate typos...
What I meant was he could have invited you along (after speaking with the friend first). You could have paid for yourself and hung out with your boyfriend and out of the friend's way, so as not to crash that friend's vacation. Your boyfriend didn't even think of that. He was quite prepared to enjoy a free ride (pardon the pun) and leave you behind.
A
male
reader, Mr. Y  +, writes (17 May 2012):
You have been supportive and understanding about so many things with him.You are helping him in his bad times,thats great.Believe me ..once he finds a job ..he is going to be really nice to you. And yeah he is not a bad guy or selfish guy.He is just too insecure right now.He knows from the inside that you are his only strength.You shouldn't think that you are not important for him.Let him get a job first and then measure anything.Is he a saggitarius ?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (17 May 2012):
Aunty Em's right.
This guy is showing you the sort of person he is. It seems he's managed to weasle a free vacation not once, not twice but three times.
And you're never included in his big plans. Perhaps you gone with them, paid your own way then spent most of your time with your boyfriend so you two aren't crashing someone else's holiday.
On top of that YOU'RE planning to take him on yet another vacation while consoling HIM and helping HIM feel better about not working. And you should know he doesn't feel badly about not working. If he did did, he'd haver politely declined the freebies from others. He's tricked you into consoling him so you'll be too distracted to pay attention to what he's actually doing.
Definitely let him go and while he's away re-examine what you think of him, this relationship and whether you want to build a future with someone who has ZERO shame about freeloading off others.
He is NOT a keeper.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Yup...men are selfish and will crawl over your face to get what they want!!
He seems to be really good at freeloading vacations and he don't mind putting your nose out of joint.
He's gonna go, so not much you can do about it, but maybe while he is away you can re-evaluate if this it the kind of person who you want to spend the rest of your life with...cos from what you have said, seems he is a lazy selfish freeloading idiot!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Your "boyfriend" sounds like just about the luckiest guy in the World when it comes to ocean cruise schedules and serendipitous results....
However, that has also given you a preview of just how strongly he feels about you.... and what are his priorities in life....
Are you content to be second fiddle to the next windfall that he has? What if it's a woman who he "just happens to know".... and she has "just happened to have divorced her hubby, so just happens to have two tickets for a cruise,....and will he fill that gap?"
I think I'd back away from a guy like this.... but then,... I'm not you.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012): Men are men...
R you boyfriend younger than you??
Anyway..just let it go.. he is exciting cuz he is going with his guy friend!!!
Just dont be that needy..guys hate needy girls..you should to know that..
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