A
female
age
41-50,
*pumie
writes:I'm looking for advice on really what is acceptable Or is me? Are my expectation on what life must be like how it is realistic?My belief is that a person must not have more than one partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm different, or there's something wrong about me?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Yes they do cheat and play on other people's emotions but it isn't in the name of love...
It's in the name of getting away with it!!!
Cheaters usually cheat again, they are best avoided!!!
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (21 May 2012):
Despite how things seem sometimes, I do think most people believe in monogamy and being faithful to your partner. If, however, you mean one partner for life, I do think that as an idea has declined in popularity. Maybe it’s still an ideal for many people (who knows, let’s see what other agony aunts and uncles have to say), but I think that it’s become easier for people to leave failing relationships over the past few decades, for all kinds of reasons: changes in the law, changing social attitudes and decline of religion. So even if most people do want to find the right person for life, and really mean the vows they make on the wedding day, we’re accepting as a society of people realising that sometimes you can’t always live up to those promises. In addition, because of the trends of rising cohabitation, increasingly liberal attitudes to sex, and increases in the average age of marriage, it is likely that people today will have more sexual partners and long-term relationships than in the past. Of course, the thing about trends is that they don’t tell us anything about any one individual person, so it’s important that people form their own ideas about how they choose to live, and their attitudes to relationships. There’s no harm in not being part of a societal trend. It’s a fascinating question you pose though.I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, mpumie +, writes (21 May 2012):
mpumie is verified as being by the original poster of the question All I'm saying is it okay to have multiple partners to live your life to the fullest, especially when you are between the ages of 16 to 35. I was talking about one partner at a time. For me its sad to cheat on the person you love. That's why I was asking if am I wrong to think that way. These nowadays people just play with others emotion in the name of love.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 I've had several sex partners, dates, hook-ups, etc... but I've only had one partner. He'd never even been on a date before me, so I'm his only partner in every sense. We're planning to stay together, but we're only in our early 20's. We both know things can change.
I think saying a person MUST only have one partner is a little extreme. Things don't work out, people aren't compatible, life goals change, things change. It's unlikely to work out that you will only be with one person for your entire life. Possible, but not realistic. You don't want to be stuck in a bad relationship just because you made yourself a rule ahead of time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 May 2012):
 My father is a one marriage type of person. He met my mom on a blind date when he was 19.
He married my mom at age 22/23. She was 19. 40 years later she died in his arms of cancer. Was he supposed to spend the rest of his life alone mourning his loss?
That seems unrealistic to me... he has a partner. He's been with her 16 years now. They are not married but that's a piece of paper only...
Even animals that mate for life often find a new mate if the first mate is killed.
I on the other hand have has several marriages and I have another one coming up in the fall.
I have been with more than one person at a time.... that is VERY over-rated.... one person at a time is plenty.
However I do NOT believe that each of us has ONE true love... I do not believe that if you have one person and it's over due to them leaving or death, that you should do the queen victoria thing and put on black and mourn your loss for the rest of your life....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Do you mean one partner through your whole life or one partner at a time?
If it is the first, I say it's admirable, but may not be totally realistic these days, but still if that is how you feel, stick to your gun and find a man who feel the same way.
If it is the latter (one partner at a time) it's again admirable. Monogamy is perhaps not something humans do instinctively, but more as a part of acceptable society and acceptable behavior. Again, if this is how you feel, stick to it.
I don't think there is a right or wrong in how you feel. As long as you can accept that others may not always agree with your sensibilities. And that in looking for a partner, this is something that would be important to share.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 May 2012):
I think most people share your opinion on the 'one partner' idea.
I guess you are talking about 'one partner at a time' as in a monogamous relationship?
It is a trait in human nature to seel out new partners when we are not happy and there are millions of people who move onto a new partner 'without telling' their old partner i.e cheating or infidelity.
If you looked at figures you would see males displaying this behaviour more than females because women form a hormonal attachment to their partner, whereas there is no such 'chemical' attachment for men and it is their basic human nature to 'spread their seed' and seek out the next best thing.
Then there are couples who are dedicated to eachother throughout life and stay together through thick and thin...I think this is the kind of relationship that most of us would like but for many of us, it never happens.
There are also social factors that have changed relationship structures in less positive ways creating more deception and mistrust, and I am talking about the internet and electronic communication.Infidelity has become covert and undetectable creating even more problems that affect monogamy and this can happen in same sex relationships also.
Other influences are the liberation of women, who now are able to support themselves, own property, attain higher paid jobs and raise children with outside help...in fact, there has been a major increase in the number of women choosing to live a single life, where they have complete autonomy and finacial freedom.
Some men are also turning away from committed relationships because of inequality that exists in the divorce process and child custody.
If you are suggesting that a person should only have one shot at a partnership then that is different. Humans will always seek out human company, and if one relationship fails, they have the right to move on if that previous relationship is completely over and everyone knows where they stand.
So yes, the monogamous relationship is most peoples ideal, but there is no guarantee taking into consideration all variable outcomes.
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