A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have had a very bad falling out with my sister in law. We never liked each other anyway but the last time I have seen her we had a massive disagreement. My husband sided with his sister against me which added to me being upset. Since then I have had no dealings with her and things are very rocky with my husband. I have discussed the row lots of times with my husband who now refuses to talk about it ever again and he says that he has spoken to his sister and neither of their views have changed. Due to this I feel ostracised and I do think that a husband should back his wife up even if he doesn't agree with what is being said. My husband says that he will not side with me against his family if he thinks I am in the wrong and that it is basically tough. Now I am beginning to deeply dislike him and resent him for this. There are numerous family events coming up which I will not go to because she will be there and my husband is going to have to go on his own or not at all. These are not big enough events to be in the same room but to be able to ignore her they are all too small and intimate. I feel very let down and angry and am beginning to question everything about my marriage. Yet I know I cannot go to anything where she is as the atmosphere will just be too terrible and I feel that she will have told all the family that we have rowed so they will all be watching my movements and siding with her. Most of all I am annoyed that my husband did not support me as I would support him at all times and it is somewhat worse with him knowing that his sister and I do not get on anyway. I feel that it is as if she has won over me.What I also know is that if I stop attending my husband will eventually turn against me and probably leave me egged on by his family. My problem is that I feel very strongly about the argument and my treatment and cannot just put it behind me as I feel I was treated badly and nastily and think maybe I should just stay away as I don't want to be with people who treat me like that but I know I will lose my husband if i continue this way. I have tried talking to my husband but if I even raise the subject even in a calm manner he will just leave the room. Please could people who maybe have had experience of family feuds advise what they would do - many thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2022): I am going through this right now. I feel for you. I don't have the answer, but I know how much it hurts when you are looking for support and don't get it. You posted ten years ago. I hope you've gotten it resolved. My problem is a feud between my sister and I. I was
looking for support from my other sister. But she is taking the sister's side I am feuding with. I personally think your husband, and my sister, should remain unbiased, which would be better than taking his sister's side. I never shared with the one sister, but she sided with my feuding sister and it hurts and cuts pretty deeply.
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female
reader, HurtWifeyFedupbutsadAuntie  +, writes (21 September 2017):
 Ive got the same problem and understand how much betrayel you can feel from your husband doing it. It feels awful.
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female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (19 May 2012):
"My husband says that he will not side with me against his family if he thinks I am in the wrong and that it is basically tough. "Well, were you in the wrong? If you were, then I don't think he should side with you. 'do think that a husband should back his wife up even if he doesn't agree with what is being said. "I don't think a husband should back a wife no matter what. For example, if you were rude to his sister or what not, then shouldn't he back her up? I mean, she IS his sister. I would hope that my brother would back me up if his future wife was mean to me! (unless I deserved it, but you have no backstory to why you and his sister don't get along)"There are numerous family events coming up which I will not go to because she will be there and my husband is going to have to go on his own or not at all. "I think this will make you look bad. You're just going to alienate the other people in the family. I mean, you're the outsider relative to his family, right? It'll be you versus your husband's family, and it looks like you're trying to start drama. I think you should really try to make amends with his sister, regardless of who started the conflict. You two will probably never be friends, but you can at least act civil to each other, right? So you should go to those family events, be polite to her, and that's it. If she's going to rude or a bitch to you, remain civil ..that way, she will look bad, and you will be above it. Good luck!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 May 2012):
 I don't think you have any other choice but to stay away for the time being. Your husband should be supporting you, but probably feels torn as his siter is his blood and it's hard to take sides.
Is there anyone else in the family that could act as a mediator and speak to your sister-in-law on your behalf. It might be worth a shot to offer an olive branch but if you feel she is vindictive and wants to split you and your husband apart then the best thing to do would be to avoid her at all costs.
It's really a rough position to be in and you have my sympathy, but perhaps you should do as your husband is doing and ignore the situation and stay close to him.
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